Let's see....

I realized that flyers really can be helpful. I happened to see on the front page of "Canadian Tire" that they had a computer desk, and a 4 shelf book case that was separate. Being the kind and practical parent that I am.... I think the boy can have that for his birthday present. He might cringe at this most practical birthday gift, but then again, I am also a bad gift giver, oh well, he loses this year.

OH, and since I did let myself out of the house today, it came to light that I do not ever want to work at "Canadian Tire". I had to go to two Canadian Tires to get the computer desk thing, so that meant I had to talk to people in the process. I am certain that they could not have paid these employees enough to be happy, crack a smile, or even be helpful, or wait, look like they have an ounce of energy even. I didn't find this in the one store, I found it in both the stores. I even got to watch this short haired short person dispute the abilities of a blow dryer return... (I started thinking to myself.."Alright little short girl, with little short hair, you are a customer service person, not a product specialist, shut up and let the girl with the BEAUTIFUL long red flowing locks return the god damned blow dryer.....FUCK!"...). Perhaps instead of getting a Christmas Bonus.. all these poor suckers got were Canadian Tire Christmas Cutbacks!

In other things worthy of a late night mention....the catdog is tired today. She had to be outside earlier to sit in the lawn. Being winter, it may have been a bit too damp on her precious fur and delicate paws. Then later, she had to entertain other guests, by sniffing out other cats. That tired her further. She did get to go for a walk, and had an encounter with a fearsome little yappy thing that was locked behind a fence, which she hid behind me as we walked past. A little later she frantically paced about the 1365 foot rancher in great worries about her food, whether she should eat it, or wait for the king to come home. She took a little rest at that point, and stared at her food in her bowl, just in case some of it tried to get away. Finally, the husbandman came home, which expended the rest of her energy wagging her tail, and running back and forth between the laundry room, and the livingroom. We are not sure of the reason for this random running, but it seems to make her happy. A short while ago she was zonked out on the couch. Now I have found her sleeping beneath the Christmas tree, again zonked out. I think this is her pre-bed time nap. She should sleep well tonight. I might have to curtail the clicking of the keys, as it may be disturbing her.

Quiet as a cucumber

Things are going to have to change. I need to put on my walking shoes on and spy glasses and start to mingle again with the human race. I have been far too quiet this past week... and now I am hearing voices in my head. These voices are getting rather bossy as well. I could start off by marching over to the neighbours that I do not know and start freaking that I can see the fire in their fire place from my front window.. and it is really freaking me out. But I guess since I can still Oprah on the big screen TV, that I shouldn't be too worried.

Another realization just came to light... perhaps I am migrating to the silent Mr. Husbandman way of life. It's time to start drinking.

Quick as a bunny...

I have some Majong players coming over today. I need to do some speed tidying so the regular clutter wont mess up the christmas clutter. I could get rid of the christmas clutter, but then that would make the regular clutter stick out.

The sick man is tired of me calling him sick man. He is no longer ill at ease with badness. He told me that while he was eating some turtles and other assorted chocolates. I guess I believe him.

Well...

I have stalked the recycle truck today, put away some christmassy things, cleaned out the fridge of any form of turkey dinner remnants, (except for the coleslaw), planted some tulips (because I just happened to find them), and washed ALL of the bedding on our bed. Currently the door is shut to our room, with the window open just to air it out a bit. One day of sickness for the husbandman, and that's it for me. Everything needs to stripped and cleaned and disinfected and then once overed. Oh, I might add that he went to work this morning.. and is still not home with his sickness factor. Anything that the bug infected man might have touched has been cleaned. A bit psycho yes, but it probably needed it anyways.

 

 

 

Oh NO!

To eat or not to eat...that's the question of the hour...... the husbandman came home from work. he was rather vomitus. He wasn't like that at 5 oclock, but was definitely ill at 6 oclock. After a quick review of the types of food eaten today... THE TURKEY... was the frightening item. None of the others in the homestead today had turkey... except for him. He also had an orange, and some coffee, and a beer afterwork. Now that menu alone would be enough to make a stomach turn, but he managed until late in the day. So... is this now a case of a turkey gone bad?

The season of change.

December 21st is the first day of winter around these parts. Interesting, because I believe that January 1st is the first day of spring.. for me that is. It is from this point onward that the days start to get lighter out, and the darkness trickles in later and later. I enjoy this little madcap headgame that I play with myself. I am even considering the garden, and the spring flower placement, and the pots for the summer time. I haven't even hit the New Year yet and this is where my minds wanders to. I even hear birds outside.... that are chirping. This excites me greatly.

H...E....LLLLLLLLLPPPPP

I seem to be trapped in a home where children refuse to get dressed, brush their hair, or teeth. It's 1:00 in the afternoon. I need to go places.. and I am not able to take them out.. people would most certainly stare!!

Today I will....

I think today I will start dismantling the Christmas craziness that has taken over our home. I am not certain the chicklets will notice, and if they do.. I will have the standard phrase ready...."I'm just in the middle of dusting and had to move things...." It should work.. that is until I throw the christmas tree out the back sliding doors. Let's just hope that they are engrossed in the french copy of "cats don't dance", which came out of an english cover. Interesting marketing technique. Even the Pip wondered about this very thing.. and she said that the ladies at factory could not have been paying attention when they loaded the tapes... "they weren't very good video ladies".... The Pip continued to watch the movie anyways.

In other things that I will do today... I will continue to read a 'manual' about tweens. I of course am reading out various interesting parts to the Hamsterson himself, with an accentuation on the word TWWWEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNN just to get his attention. Actually, it's very therapeutic for myself and him. He now believes he's just a regular kid, and I believe that he can't graduate from university fast enough. In the meantime, I will continue with my drawling tween business, and he will guffaw himself all over the place and tell me that he needs to read that book. Just as soon as he puts down his Archie comic. Hmmm.

A fun little story at Christmas time.

A story of crisis, hope and determination.

Oh, the stalker sister strikes again.

The stalker is ever so helpful.

I am here, on this Christmas Day, doing working things.. because that is just what I do. I eventually come in this morning at a lovely 0900. Everybody else has been here since 0730, but then I do not do the same job as the other people.. and don't "count" for needing to be here at such a time.

Earlier this morning:

The husbandman and myself got to watch the very excited Pipster squeal in glee with her presents from Santa, although she was terrified to go to bed last night, because she is afraid of him. I love the fact that she still believes in Santa Claus. Especially since I wrote her a letter last night, and placed it with her gift for this morning. She was too estatic to even try to read it. Her eyes twinkled in excitement as I read out some of her achievements that she made throughout the last while. Oh Pip, she is just so cute and blond some days.

The Boy on the otherhand is a gentlemanly one. He takes his time opening his gifts, cherishing what might be beneath the paper, and then looking at it, and then thanking us, and then talking about it, and then talking about other things about this gift, and then asking questions. OH MY GOD!!! GET ON WITH IT!! I managed not to hiss at him. The girl on the other hand is in a frenzy below the christmas tree, and then there's Mr. Stillshot.

While at work....

The sister stalker phones the ward.. and being the stalker girl that she likes to be.. spilled the beans that not only do we celebrate the "reason for the season" birthday boy, we celebrate mine as well. Oh thank you stalker sister..... there I just spilled the beans about myself... and if the stalker could find her way here, she would have spilled the beans first.

Merry Christmas !

Long range...

I was up bright and early today... just so I could hear the weather report. Nice and early... like 3:30 early. I wanted to be up before the birds, wait, there aren't any morning birds around here right now. Anyways.. I was hoping for some news of some white stuff heading our way for Christmas day.... this was the outcome: I think it will be so green this Christmas Day that Santa may be mistook for an alien, the other thing is.. he should be holding an umbrella, perhaps he should have a back up as well.

Telephone email

Just be thankful that you are not my friend KIM right now. I think I just sent the worlds longest email to her. I even sent her a warning message in BIG RED LETTERS informing her on how and when to read the email. There is nothing wrong this email, it is just long winded, no really very very long winded, and she has two very small children... and she could be easily distracted by the complete natterings from myself. Not that I had anything great to say... I just kept typing as my brain kept thinking of things to write. It wasn't even one of those evil letters that you get in your once a year christmas card correspondence from THE AMAZING FAMILY who have REALLY AMAZING CHILDREN, and AMAZING ADVENTURES, and EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL. It wasn't one of those at all. (OK, please tell me that everyone receives one of these letters from some distant friend/relative). I used to IM-patiently await the arrival of this christmas card every year... just so I could read all about THE AMAZING FAMILY. This was one of the first realizations that I had that I just love to people watch, and at this point, it was people reading. Anyways.. my email to my friend KIM was nothing like that. Although I did talk about the misadventures with my lovely Pip, and her landing on her head, or something to that affect in gymnastics.... and although we got it checked out by an xray... she definitely did do something to herself, and it certainly wasn't knocking any sense into her. But that was all, I didn't go into detail about MY AMAZING PIP. I'll save that... for tomorrows email!

Not quite early

It isn't to too early, but early enough .. that if I ask the chicklets to ready themselves, we can make it out of here and go get some breakfast... so they will have pleasant and helpful smiles on their faces when we travel over to mall, and other places for some errands. This is just a thought, I am not quite certain what the outcome will be. I do know that the husbandman was looking for cookie cutters last night.. and kept asking me where they were... and I do not have a freaking clue where they might be.. afterall, I am not the person who uses them.. he is. Perhaps that will be the first purchase of the day... well, the first purchase after some coffee. I am going to need a kick to contend with the antics of the offspring....

Festivus.

There was a christmas party last night. I had all the intentions of going, and then I made a list of all the things that were required to go, and somehow this party wasn't so favourable to me afterall. Party list:

1. Buy a gift under ten dollars. (I can do that)
2. Bring a dish for the pot-luck dinner (Alright, I can do that too)
3. Iron up my pants. (Attempt not to look like a hobo)
4. Fluff up my sweater (Make it look like it is fresh out of my closet, not fresh from the bottom of my closet)
5. Apply some perfume ("No scense makes good sense" at work.. I know these people will be bathing in it tonight.. might as well add to the competition)
6. Realized that I had a wicked headache at 2:47 in the afternoon. (Ate some Tylenol)
7. Started the boys laundry (bedding) at 3:45 PM. (No, it's not a party requirement, but the laundry had been put in the laundry room in the AM, but I of course totally forgot about it, and I had to get it done before the husbandman came home, otherwise that would be quite rude of me to ask him to finish it as I toodle out the door).
8. Looked in the mirror around 5:15. (wondered who it was staring back at me)
9. Contemplated making a dish for the christmas party. (Thought making soup for the girl out a can was already a lot of work)
10. Called Mr. Husbandman at 5:50 and told him to not hurry home. (I was going nowhere, and if he could stop and buy a fresh turkey at the grocery store... because that was too much of an effort to try and buy today while I was out).
11. Finally came to the conclusion that even with a smattering of brightly coloured lipstick and a wave of the curling iron for the "dreaded" locks was not going to help this party girl.
12. Took more Tylenol at 7 PM, and sat in the living room and stared at the glowing Christmas tree.
13. AAAhhhh... now that is festivus, for the rest of us!

Libraryitis

My list of books has grown very long. I have spent many days collecting and returning books to my little library across town. The sad thing is, some of the covers have come home, spent time on my night table, and returned.. in the knick of time, before the fine collector starts it's quarter a day thing, (for the next purchase of the libraries latest greatest books)!

In the meantime, I have a stack of books on my night table, and the return policy is simple... just return when I have finished reading them. You have to love that. Included in the friendlending library frolics, I now have another contributor to the libraryitis cause.... someone from work has lent me their copy of a book that I had to return last week, that I was a third of a way through. That is close to illegal for me, but then again, I do speed, and I don't mind doing that... so I had to give in to the book loss while still reading issue... and I did wait for about three months for the book from the library. What a winfall!

On that note... I must go and check the library for a book that a youngish lady told me about. I absolutely need to read it. She read it. It took her seven months to read. She also had a stroke a year and a half ago, which affected her speech side of her brain, which also affected her ability to see letters and numbers as they are written on the page. People and their perserverence keep me awestruck on many levels.

Comatose realizations.

The other day I had to ask my stalker sister how much she loved my children. I know that she loves me lots because she wouldn't travel around this great big earth looking for me half the time. That is especially when I do not have my cell phone with me.... she turns into a stalker more on those days.

Anyways... back to the love portion of the thought process..... I have mailed about thirteen zillion christmas cards, OK, I fall short by a couple zillion, but it's close enough. I have been very good at tucking in pictures of the aging chicklets with these cards, as the people that receive them on the other end like to see their smiling faces. As I worked feverishly through my envelope of pictures I realized that I did not have enough smallish pictures to hand out to my immediate family... you know the cousins that you only see every two months, and they sometimes forget their names.. that sort of thing. It was at this moment that I had to re-think the picture distribution procedure.

I am thinking that my stalker sister needs the 8 x 10 format of the chicklets parked on her big wall unit in their living space. I have come to this resolution by the fact that after I had put her two sweet chicklet boys to bed, I comatosely sat in her familyroom and stared at her wall unit for hours. Well, I did flick through channels to find a good movie, but the movie was only on for noise. Yes, a the big picture would surely look good sitting on her wall unit thing.. she might even be able to snag me for more evening children watching adventures.

Amusement factor

I do not have to go very far some days for myself to be amused. The chicklets are busy doing some special mirror dance to the third song "My Little Drum" from a Charlie Brown Christmas. It is a pleasant sight to watch them with smiles on their faces, because in about 10 seconds the special dance will disintegrate to rage and fits of "each other being in their space".... and thus end the dance. ActuallyI got lucky this time, and the song ended before they did! However; the Charlie Brown Christmas will continue to play on... I think by the time Christmas is over, I may even be sick of this music... but that's a big maybe.

We've left the ice age

The other night when I went to bed, I said good night to a landscape filled with lovely white frost. Yes, it's a bit cold, and a bit dicey when talking a stroll, or if you happen to tumble down your steps, or across your driveway for that matter. But all that aside, it is quite beautiful to behold, and with the big day arriving, and all the requests that go in for a white christmas... it was nice to think that here on the "wet" coast, we may have a white christmas, even if it was just Mr. Frostman coming to visit. That wouldn't be the case.... I awoke yesterday morning to the sound of rain. But snow doesn't make sound when it falls... so how could I hear rain. And there you have it, we are all green again, very green in fact, almost like the grass and evergreens are thankful that the frost is gone, so they seem brighter than usual. Maybe the jolly guy visiting from the north pole will bring some of his winter magic with him.

This is probably the best picture of all time to watch during the Christmas season... and now that I own the music, it is lovely... very lovely to listen to!!!

Da-da, da da da da

Yes, I am singing a song.... in my head, you can begin your "thank you's" NOW! It's the song by the Mama's and the Papa's.. Monday morning, I think that's what the name of it is. Anyways, it's Monday morning, and although I have to be someplace rather soonish.. I do not have to be anyplace right now.... like scurrying the chicklets off to their wonderful palace of learning. I do not think that I can hiss YESSSSSSS loud or long enough.

In other boring news... I realized a couple of weeks back that the font that I see on my blog is not the font that others see on their blog. Most interesting.... all of two minutes ago I changed that very fact... now I believe I see myself as others see me.

Giftograma

You have to love line ups. I have encountered many over the last week, as I am sure many others have done just the same. I do chuckle though when I finally find a pair of pyjamas for the almost 11 year old son, and the line up to buy them is three miles wide. Sorry hamsterson I love ya, but not that much to spend hours in a line up for a pair of PJ's. That's just a little secret of mine... nobody needs to know!

IN other gifting business... the stalker sister showed up for another session of gift buying. We encountered the lovely and line up ridden Zellers today. The line up was long and tedious, and I wasn't about to put back the 2 items for purchase. The lady on the till was an older woman, and when she grabbed my goods, she also got on the phone, she said she needed a break. She then started hollaring into the phone that she didn't care who arrived to relieve her, she needed a break, and she did. I almost grabbed the phone and started to yell to get someone down here... she looked beat, and plus she was cranky, and she was out of big big bags, which is what I required... which sent her into a frenzy. She might not be a christmas enthusiast, or so it seems.

Finalizing, organizing, realizing.

This time of year always brings about a wave of renewal, and also a time of reflection upon the past 12 months. What are my accomplishments, where have I been, and where am I headed? The paths that I choose to follow are of my own design and distinction. I am wondering at this moment in time if I should be giving up my very much loved group that I coordinate every week. I am always on the verge of looking for something else, something a little bit more than a once a week group, although I am caught up in the benefit that I see in being part of such a group. But my question to myself this week, is the very group that I love very much the one thing that is holding me back from something more that I could be doing, and I haven't given myself the chance to explore? I would hate to take that step and leave this remarkable group of people behind, but then if I do not leave I may never find the right path either. I think that I should at least try.

In other moments of clarity and realization of life as it happens:

My sister and I were out together today... and we heard a sound that was so profound in both our minds, that it set me fleeing in the opposite direction. The sound followed, and eventually caught up to both of us. It was the sound of an autistic boy communicating either his love or his disdain to his mother. His bellow pulled tightly at mine and especially my sisters heart strings, and being the sensitive fools that we are, both burst into tears in Walmart. My sisters boy is autistic, but if there are things to be continually thankful for in life, her son is on the high functioning end of the spectrum. Where he complains about people not following rules, and asks mathematical questions that would put a Harvard graduate to shame. Who requests more information on the touring conditions in an automobile in the year 1904, and knows the make and model of almost every car built since the invention of the four wheeled beast, and that he doesn't really care if he is still pulling up his pants when he leaves the bathroom, or points his middle finger at you when asking big bold questions about the sky and universe beyond, but these are all things that we need to be thankful for, which of course made us both cry when the bellowing boy walked by.

Rev your engines....

I am looking to accomplishing many things today. I haven't made a list, on paper, or in my head. I do not want to admit failure at the end of the day, when I have the sudden realization that I forgot to do something very important. So, for the moment I am drinking a very strong cup of tea, ((due to the extended (forgotten) steeping time)) and am "whoa-who-whoing" along to the lovely and wonderful sounds of Glass Tiger that is playing on the stereo.. I think it is Diamond Minds at the moment. And, for the moment I am in love with the remote control for the stereo, that way I can drag it around with me, or keep it by my side and can crank any good tunes whenever the whim strikes me.... meanwhile the volume is turned down while the station ploughs through it's pile of advertisements.

OH, and in other engine reving events.....I am obsessively waiting upon the stalker sister arriving at my house today. Don't ask me why... I just have the vibe.

In the meantime.... I will hunt around for cleaning utensils and fill the washing machine with laundry. Pip decided that she was not going to school based on the fact that she didn't like the clothes that she had to pick from. Hell, I would have to agree with her there... but I had to play it up that she looked comfortable in her Tuesday wardrobe selection.

One more thing.... Mondays 10 PM Channel 39 "Dead Like Me".... my next favourite show in the world... all because it has Mandy Pantankin in it. I love him. A lot.

Welcome to Monday Part 2

Little did I know this morning how the day would turn out. The day turned out fine, very fine indeed. I was a tad bit nervous about people showing up for the lunch. Something always manages to go amiss in these circumstances. I even managed to have enough gifts for all the people that showed up at the group today. Although, I did have to give up some of my christmas bags to some of them! ( I have great issues about gift bags..... and gifting them away!!!). I furthermore had enough of the christmas humour packages to hand around to everyone, with extra for those that couldn't make it today. I am even more amazed that I had enough time to whip over to the Senior's Centre to photocopy the group a lovely red and green package of papers before we met for lunch.

Also included in this mornings events was the realization that the Senior's Coordinator had asked me to do a report for our group for this morning, as she had a meeting at 10:00 with the Advisory Board. This is some advisory board... about twenty five people huddled in around long tables. All nodding and shaking their heads at the details that I hand out to them, when asked, like I was today. I realized this at 09:39. SHIT. I started off the letter with a great degree of enthusiasm.. "Season's Greetings"... that gave me momentum to start thinking and typing and at breakneck speed. I managed to have it emailed to the Sr's Coordinator at 10:01, so being the polite and responsible person that I sometimes am.. I printed off a copy of the report, and brought it with me to the centre. I then handed it to a person in "the next office", and asked her to drop it off.. because I couldn't do it in person... I would have been made to read it out loud. Can't have that!.... The Senior Advisory Board would have way more questions, than I would have answers... and I had to be someplace, like the date with the photocopying machine!

As the lunch passed people were asking me about whether or not that we would meet again before the holidays started.. I was hoping that the answer would be NO!, but that wasn't going to be the case... we all now have a date back at the Seniors Centre for next week... for an intense game of Majong, and some Christmas tune entertainment from a couple of people that play the piano..the Mr. Hamnsterson himself, and an intriguing person that attends the Sr's Centre, and myself. I have a hell of a lot of practicing to do before next week. The fellow that attends the Centre is a concert pianist, or so it seems. His hands pound out music like water that flows from a tap, it's that beautiful.

I will welcome in Tuesday with open arms, I have no place to be, with no requests for driving someone somewhere from the school, no christmas concert to attend, or additional help in the classroom... although I have the stalker sister that is going to want someone to attend her boys christmas concert... I can feel her brainwaves heading my way....

Speaking of stalking... I have managed over the last week to become quite the stalker, although I haven't had any success at my stalkingness. I keep driving through my friends parking area at her townhouse complex with the same book in the back of the truck. She may be home, but then again I do not recall her being a mole (as in living in the dark). I am teaching the boy the same ways, as he has been with me everytime I am whipping past... today he reminded me to take the turn through the parking lot... but of course again, we are coming home with the same book in tow. Perhaps it's not meant to be! Of course, I could be looking at the wrong house number as well, I have clearly demonstrated over and over again that I do not have a memory. Oh the pressures.

Welcome to Monday

Right now... I have batteries on my counter charging, and my cell phone charging, and a hot cup of tea steeping in front of me, and one person that needs charging. I am going to sneak to the little cupboard and rifle through every single vitamin container I can find, and down them all....

I am thinking that I would like to join up on Survivor. Not for the game itself, but for the makeovers. The winner from last nights episode was downright... Miss America Worthy.... but that is only one tired mothers perception.

Our group is going out for lunch today. I am hoping for smooth sailing. I was asked to watch someones "drinking" while we are out. Hopefully the only drinking I am watching is endless cups of coffee, but who knows... I will bring the trusty digital for any goings on.

Must go and face Monday as it happens....first stop... laundry room.

Spray, puff and sparkle.

We are going out to a christmas "do". I had a hot shower, and I scrubbed my face extra hard so I had lots of colour.. so now everything is cleaned up, sparkly and pink....my face, sweater and painted lips are all kind of a blend of pinks. Except my eyes are not pink, they are blue, and even a bigger hint of blue since I am wearing eye liner. Now I must go and be my Mr. Husbandmans DD... it's his christmas party.

Through the dark and the fog.....

The gingerbread lady rises to make herself a cup of coffee with her unbroken coffee maker. I will drink and be happy at 0615 in the morning.

Envision this....

I have started taking ginger root along with the list of other vitamins that I gulp down the hatch. If I add a little extra flour and sugar, I should be the perfect gingerbread woman by Christmas time. Oh lucky me.

The crazed christmas shopper.

Today while I was out doing some christmas shopping errands I had to laugh at myself. I found this parking spot, just sitting there, vacant.. and it was calling to me. So I tried to get the 15 year old RUSTING around the wheels SUV into this space. My vehicle is not big, and yet it seems to behave like one when I wish to park it. There was ample room for my 15 year old SUV, but of course with a mind of it's own, I managed to hop the curb and the back wheel was insistant on resting upon the little curb. It kind of reminded me of a December 24th 5 P.M. desperate shopping event. Kind of like a skid, go and grab anything you can get your hands at the last second. The difference here was I came out empty handed, and then had to unload my vehicle from the curb.

On a whim...

1. I turned the "broken" coffee maker back on... and it worked. I am ever so happy, except that I do not have any cream for coffee. That doesn't make it the end of the world, but it does make it a little less stimulating.
2. I wonder what Pips reaction is going to be when she comes home to find her paper village packed up. She has monopolized the kitchen table since Sunday, today is Thursday, and her hand crafted paper village seems to have come a crashing halt. On second thought... one more day or two or ten will not kill me to have a whole village residing on my kitchen table.
3. I was hoping for a coupon for AIRMILES from the paper... it didn't happen, now I must go spend money and collect a minute amount of airmiles... that just doesn't work for me.
4. I am thinking of changing my headlight for the truck... but first I have to hunt down a screwdriver or something... and so help me... if I screw it up!
5. Hopefully I will find the inspiration to write out a christmas card or two.

Things are looking a bit drab around these parts.

These were last weeks field trips antics. Little Miss Tentative and Mr. Prankster.

WOW!

Those blogger helper people are fast... I have spent the last number of hours between flashcard drills and piano practicing looking for myself. I finally sent an email to the blogger helper people not too long ago... and PING-a-DING... here I am. I'm back, right where I left myself at 4:00 this morning when I was awake, and cruising around the world looking into other peoples lives, since apparently sleeping wasn't cutting it for me at that moment.

I sent them a little note. I had to embelish upon the fact that my blog was important to people, it made their lives whole. That this blog has a purpose and represented to those that passed by, a peace of mind, or hope and a path to understanding this life that we lead. OK, so I didn't really write that, but I am sure that is what they will be thinking when they read the note that I really did send:

HELP!! I am lost, I can't be found, and I can't go on if can not have my blog.

But surely the sophisticated blogger helper people will read between the lines and interpret the previous line as the above paragraph.. surely they will!

I am just happy that I have my wonderful little island of happiness back to write all my natterings upon. I would also like to thank my 9 other personalities for backing me up when I wrote to the blogger helper people that 10 other people relied on this blog as well to make their day whole.

OH, and for those that know me personally, I did buy a bottle of wine today... but I just never got around to opening it.. in case you have your eyebrows raised at this very moment.

Lost and found

For some reason blogger can not find me. Everytime I look myself up, I am not there, or here, or whereever I am supposed to be. That's OK, because I can not find me. I have been searching for years, and I still haven't caught up, or onto myself. I am sure that my question is no different than those of others: Is today the day that I find myself? I am more curious what my reaction will be once I do find myself... will I find the person that I think I am?

NO sushi for you!

Well, that is if you want it on a Sunday. Apparently there is to be no sushi eaten on a Sunday around these parts. The sushi people are happy sushi makers for six days out of the week, but never on a Sunday. I wonder if that is the day that the sushi people sit, and eat sushi just for themselves. I am perplexed. Although.... I still have a container in the fridge from Saturday nights sushi fest... SSSShhh.. this must remain a secret.

Score one for the memory.

Luckily.... I remembered before the stores were ticking down to closing time that the Pipster had been invited to a birthday party tomorrow. We have a freshly purchased present ready for tomorrow. Yae for me.

Luckily.... the gangster thieves were not out in full force breaking into vehicles last night because I had conveniently left the doors to the newly repaired 15 year old SUV unlocked, and a spare set of keys under the floormat. AND, for the sake of extreme convenience.. I didn't have the club on the steering wheel either. Yae for me.

Luckily.... the husbandman had a day off... so I didn't have to take the chicklets to school, and actually had a real long shower. Besides he really wanted to drive the chicklets to school due to the sheet of ice that was passing for a road this morning. Yae for me.

Luckily....I remembered that the hamsterson had an orthodontist appointment... in the knick of time. Yae for me.

Luckily... I had some treats at home for the Pipster today... as she had an extreme repulsion to her new set of 'swimming lessons' that were going to start. Yae for me.

Luckily.... I met up with a friend at the pool who had a daughter that was just as gregarious as the Pip, and who was able to dress herself after a swimming lesson. I made Pip follow this younger gregarious girl.... and WALA Pip magically dressed herself after her swimming lesson. Big yae for me.

Luckily....Pip loved her swimming teacher... so the next 3 lessons should be a breeze. Yae for me.

Luckily.... I went to Costco with the husbandman, and he pointed out a christmas gift that he would like. I went back later (to get the birthday present purchase) and bought him his christmas present. Yae for me.

Luckily..... I have always pointed out to my two chicklets the beauty that surrounds us, and take a moment to enjoy the simple things in life that nature brings us... and my boy pointed out that very thing to me today... as I was trying to rush him to the orthodontist. Yae for me.

Luckily.... there is a Mr. Neatandtidy that arrives on the weekends while I am away at work. Hopefully he shows his face tomorrow. OH PLEASE.. yae for me.

Luckily.... it is late, and I must go. Yae for me...and yae for you.

Hi! Slam!

I am the friendly door opener lady somedays. Unless of course you have a dog at your side. Which then you are met with a scream and the door slammed in your face, not once, but twice. All because I have a little dog at my side, who is terrified of other dogs. Things could get ugly if our little scaredy catdog met up with another unsuspecting dog dog. Life can be scary at the front door opener ladies house.

Bye, SLAM!

And here we have....

The month of number twelve.

On the very first day of the month we are kicking it off right... with a little white stuff to go with the start of the festive season. But it wont be here for long... so we will take it while we can get it...

LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW!!!

Hiss Growl SNAP

That happens from time to time. It just happened now, it's 10:15 and the latenighter children insist on still being up....for what reason I am not sure. I think they like me too much.... or not. Anyways... I just started hissing, and pointing to bedroom doors and "goodnighting" smaller people all over the place. Even the scaredycatdog has been sent to hamstersons room.. although she had already tucked herself in her basket in our room, in the dark. She's furry, and she's weird, so she can't be helped. I am not certain how to get through to the latenighter children.... they just mill about and continuously do things until I go kind of psycho, and then the lights are out, and the doors are shut. There is the added note that I just took a mit full of vitamins to help me stay smiling and nice..... I hope they work for tomorrow, because my smiling is done for the day.

The Unclutchable.

Once upon a time
In a Canadian land
A white Toyota Forerunner
Got a little out of hand.

The owner drove and she drove.
Until the noise scared her so
She took it to an auto guy
Where he explaimed "ho ho!"

All the next day
She waited in great fear
What would the auto guy find?
Would he be able to get it into gear?

Her cell phone finally rang,
While she waited with anticipation,
and found out the truth,
the source of her frustration.

A slave drive unit thing,
was the problem at hand,
the bill for this repair,
would still be under a grand.

There's nothing like a bill,
to kick the spending season off right..
I guess that's when I get to watch,
my credit card take flight.

Dear Mzzzzzzzzzzz Haairringring-kee

I wrote this to a columnist, I hope I get a response:

Oh god....

So the girl had a science project to do..... (a gardening "science project" thing handed out by her wonderful and passionate teacher... kind of "out there"... no real guidelines, no expectations... just a couple items of criteria, one of them that it had to be done at home, and it was due Nov 21st). The girl ended up in tears just talking about it. So everyday I approached her with a new set of words and a huge amount of love about "the science project"... until it came down to of course the crunch... and she needed to hand something in, rather than a blank piece of paper. Two sundays ago.... the pip and i worked on her science project... (get this...)

So Pip....(I read a her a bunch of "shit" about making and preparing soil).....how do you make soil?.....she then talks, and I type... what ever the words were that came out of her mouth... they got slammed on paper... in the meantime she was busily colouring away gardening pictures. We did this for the whole project... "colour Pip colour", I said to her... imbetween "what did you just hear about watering plants?"... until we were done, stapled and labeled. Yes, we "referred" to a couple of diagrams, (what's the point in colouring a picture if you do not take special notice of it) and icluded an introduction and a conclusion....

So the teacher refused to give pip back her project,(which made Pip cry!) then proceeds to say to me... "this seems more like you, than the Pip"... my response.... yes. Now she would like to meet with me... and now the greater fear is .... she won't be happy with my response at the end of the meeting..... two.... I fear that she wants the girl to redo the project, and if that's the case.. I will write my obituary now...three... I will have to ask her what her expectations are for a misdirected child to do a total science project at home, on her own... when she would much rather be playing barbies and building houses for her stuffed cats..... I fear I will say things like "if you ( the teacher) would have liked something of substance to be completed by the pip then the bulk of the project should have been attempted within school hours, not sent home with an irresponsible 8 year old that is intimidated easily... and has no concept of "pressure to impress"... ... or even worse... "if you were expecting that the childs parents wouldn't get involved... those expectations should have been written in the "criteria" section on the back of the paper as well"....

See,.... I fear for myself, and the Pip... I do not think that I will meet with the teacher today.....it's in all of our best interest... but then, I could decide to hold my tongue... I will see how the mood strikes me.

Your payment is in the mail...

Face your day!

So far the day is shaping up fine:

I have a clutch that's about to break, blow, crack or fail.
My thoughts reeling in my head at the moment: Do I take it to a transmission place, (where it will not be easy to drive to) or my not-so regular place where they guys are nice, and didn't really fix my power steering pump very good the third time around, and didn't charge me for it either... but I believe that they know what they are doing, and the steering pump thing really had them stumped...?
The weather people are predicting snow.
I hope I have enough people to play majong today.

I found my other tube of lipstick at work, but then forgot it at work.
It would be illegal for me to go colourless.... I have more tubes somewhere...

At least my hair is one colour today.

Between you and me by Mike Wallace.

I liked it even more, because it came with a DVD... and you could see the details of his interviews. I'm all about the visual experience.

Der hummer ist shwer?

Yes, I speak the truth on this one.

How about.....

Der zug ist leer.

Or even.......

Der hund ist klein.

I have been doing my homework... my Stroke Group decided that they wanted to learn a second language... they decided on German. Now I am busily learning German... which is interesting since I barely have a grasp of the English language.


OH.. and now for the interpretation for those that are not german reading folks.

Der hummer ist shwer...... means..... The lobster is heavy.
Der zug is leer...... means..........The train is empty.
Der hund ist klein........means..........The dog is small.

I think I will be remaining Canada for a while longer yet.

Do you know where my lipstick is?

I am currently having lipstick issues. I can't find them. I have just recently purchased two exquisite new colours... and they have slipped away from me. I have no idea where they are, or if they are still around. That is problematic to me... being the lipstick lover person that I am. My thoughts are "it's all bright, all the time".... otherwise you do not see me. On the odd occasion I drive to school without the lipstick on... but then I am usally applying it while I am making the quick drive to school. I refer to my lipstick, as I do my tasks.. driving lipstick, talking lipstick, walking lipstick, cleaning lipstick, reading lipstick. It works for me. Somedays the lipstick even comes off... but only somedays... otherwise they stay stained around the clock.. only because I buy the lipstick that remains around the clock.

A stalker is what a stalker is.

Last evening I was out helping my mother spend our inheritance. I tried to keep it down to a small amount of cash leaving her hands.... as I am concerned for the future you know. While my mother and I were out and about, the sister was busily driving herself around in her and her husbandmans new Pathfinder vehicle. She drove to our house for a useless task night, just so she could take me out in her new vehicle. I would of happily gone, had I been home, and not out with our mother...

Earlier today while I was walking in circles around the track near our home my phone rang. It was the sister, she had a complaint. She was tired of stalking me, as I was never "around" to be stalked. I did say to her that she was now one up on me... she could stalk me for as long she liked, and I would never see her coming... because I know longer knew of her vehicle colour.

Then, this afternoon, fresh past noon... I decide to call the stalker sister, and ask her of her plans. We had made plans, to be someplace for lunch..... but then she decided that the thought of hanging out with me would be boring, but only maybe..... so she harnessed a new friend to go have lunch with her. Luckily I had my trusty double agent with me... AKA the Pipster, and she spotted the stalker sisters new vehicle in the parking lot of a place where I had a coupon for... so we made ourselves at home with her friend as surprise guests for lunch today.... because we really are all stalkers at heart.

Today is Thursday

I am going to drive myself up the big big hill in the neighbouring city today, so I can see what the real atmosphere looks like. I'm on the hunt for big sky country. I need to find something with some colour, and although since the season here is "drab November", I'll take it. The weather people had promised end to this fog-bog on this day... I think I might see some pinkness in the sky .... or perhaps now I am just hallucinating. That would be more like it.

Well, since I can not add colour to my own foggy life.... I will go and wake the chicklets up for the second time around... but this time I will be singing to them.... some home made version of words strung together.... something special and colourful, like this one from the other day:

"OOOOOOhh, I'm a clicky clacker, and I'm looking for a cracker,
I don't seem I can find one, so that must mean I am done,
But I will keep on lookin, and my nails will keep on clackin,
because I am a clicky clacker, and all I want is a cracker."

Yes, true colour when life is a fog. This song was made up due to little miss frantic ellpee running back and forth, up and down the hallways... and her nails clack on the hardwood floor... she might have been looking for a cracker... but she is kind of stunned, so who knows what she was doing...... wish me luck... I must go and try a new song on the sleeping chicklets.

Life as a crow

I was motoring along today and saw a crow hop along someones driveway. He must have spotted something fairly exciting. His two little legs just hiphopped him over to his spot of interest. I watched him and wondered if he was in pain flitting along like that, or rather, that is just the way he walked. I thought to myself ... "why not fly crow.. FLY!!!"

Then I got to thinking about a crows life. Perhaps always flying as the crow flies isn't the absolute greatest. You can't taste life when you are free falling, or breezing through it. You can't witness the scenery, or find the good pieces of eats, smell the flowers, or spot another hot looking crow. It just doesn't work. Your eyes are always face front, feet up, wings out, forward, fly. Maybe a crows life isn't so free and easy as it seems. Unless of course you are high up in the tree tops having a drunken conversation with all of your crow buddies, and annoying the shit out of all the humans below you at 0542 in the morning...

The sameness of the day

Every week around this time of the morning we are doing the same thing. The girl has to put her spelling words in alphabetical order. And here we sit at the kitchen table writing out her words. She has advanced immensely since the beginning of grade 3. At first she would not attempt her alphabetical order, on her own accord, and now she happily sits with her spelling list in front of her. Included in this attempt would be the assumption that I have to bring her the lined paper, and the sharpened pencil and a housecoat to keep her warm, and this happens everyweek. I don't mind.. I like to watch her little hands splay out across the paper, and the intense concentration spread across her face, and seeing her blond head of hair bobble and bounce as she attempts to figure out how many syllables are in each of her words. Each week it is the same, and each week I give her the same answer... "did your head bobble once, or did it bobble twice?"... and then I get to watch her head of hair bobble and bounce again.

Hydrangea head

I have just come in from the great fog-outdoors. I managed to see what I was doing besides all the fog. I altered the list a bit. I decided that I wasn't going to fight with extension cords, and hedge trimmers and bicycles... I had a better idea. I wasn't going to trim the hedge. I would venture to guess a very smart move.. except that I grabbed my brand new fiskars and headed out back... where I needed to trim a billion bushes, which is exactly what I did. As I was fiskaring along I decided that the hydrangeas were just too big, so I chopped them back, and I cut up all the branchs into 3 inch long pieces. Now the only thing that I smell are hydrangeas... it is stuck in my head. And now that I have the smell stuck in my head, I cut off a bunch of still flowering heads, and have left them to be pretty and stuff undercover in the great fog-outdoors.

My hair colour is still the same, I didn't get to that... except somehow along the way I turned into a hydrangea head.

Where do I go from here?

This is no love story...it's a list story. I know why I can't remember anything.. it's only becuase my list is so long, that I forgot what I even started with.

The things I want to acomplish today:

1. Get up - check
2. Get children to school on time - check
3. Find my walking buddy - check
4. Walk to the coffee place - check
5. OOPPS - found some people to have coffee with - (over extended time) -
6. Walked home - check
7. The typical daily things, laundry & dishes, and tidying. - in the process of checking
8. Rake the rest of the leaves out front
9. Trim one hedge out front
10. Plant tulips out front
11. Sweep driveway to remove rocks
12. clean back deck
13. clean out gutters
14. clean off other back deck
15. rake back lawn
16. put patio chairs away
17. find a place to put patio chairs first
18. clean out side garden bed
19. colour my hair
20. find staples for refridgerator
21. do all of this in now less than 4 hours

It's a race against time... I have to remember all this stuff before I forget, in the allotted 4 hour time span. None of this can wait till tomorrow...or the next day or the next day or the next day... I'm all booked, brain included.

eeewwweee, that's yuck...

But oh, that's nice.

I like to be reminded of things, many things... things that make my hair defrizz, and a nice memory pop into my mind. Such as last night, or more like this morning.....

Mr. Husbandman cruised down the hallway this morning wearing his workboots. He doesn't do that very often, because they are work boots, and they do working things, like not walking around the house.. well, with the exception of passing along pertinent information, or more recently he uses them to walk around "the office". He let me know that the silly dog had had an accident in the night.. and to watch little Miss Ellpee. Ok, ewe, that's yuck...

But oh, that's nice.....

I didn't have to witness the yuck event, although it brought back a wonderful image of how different our now almost long deceased dog Cicely (a.k.a. evil queen) was compared to our lovely silly dingbatted Ellpee. It broke me up into laughter really. Cicely would never have gone to the bathroom in the house, had we been in the house to let her out... let me take you back a day or year or two......

Once upon a time, deep into the night, Cicely decided she needed out. (She quite often decided she needed out, and it wasn't exactly that she needed to go out and perform some function, but rather she just wanted out because she knew we would let her out.... or would we?) She waltzed over to the husbandmans side of the bed, and kicked up his hand with her nose. He didn't budge......and I saw it back then, and remember now... it was a bastardly non-budgeworthy event... he kind of swooshed her away, so the lovely Cicely would make her way to my side of the bed. I told her in no uncertain terms was I getting up, and letting her out.... she would have to go and talk to him. So she did. She turned around and made her way back to his side of the bed, and hrrummphed at him. There was no response by the husbandman. She nudged his hand again, and hrrumphed, and then batted him with her paw. Clearly the husbandman was dead, to the world. I liked the part when she jumped on him, and then proceeded to lick his face, and he never moved. I watched this go on for a while, then decided that I had to say something. I spoke to the lovely evil queen first, and asked her if this is what she is thinking right now.. had she been able to speak: "You dirty rotten bastard, you pretend to sleep while my bladder is close to bursting, and I need a breathe of freshair after all your snoring... I should just piss all over your disgusting carpet..... hmnmmmmph... " Both Cicely and I left the bedroom, and I let her out.... in the knick of time. I watched her scamper across the ugly cement deck patio, to a favourite spot in the lawn, where she proceeded to quickly lay down, next to her ball and stare back at me.... in the middle of the night. I asked her if she needed to go pee, which is when she got up, and trotted back into the house. She didn't need to go outside to pee, she just wanted to go outside for a breathe of fresh air. One more reason why we nick-named her evil queen... she was very good at playing evil tricks on us.

I crept back into the bed... of course being my normal self... at a temperature sub-optimal for sustaining life.... which then took me forever to warm up, and an eternity to back to sleep. I never said a word to the ever so silent sleeper husbandman. The next morning when the sun rose, and the world was right again... I said to Mr. Workaholic. "If you ever pull that deep-sleeping shit on me again, I will pour a bucket of ice water in a place where only you will know the pain!!!!". .... He just smiled and said the worst part was when Cicely would not stop licking his face in the middle of the night, it took all he could not to laugh and push her off.

And now there's a foghorn in my head

I have had a very trying last number of days. I have been trying desperately to remember to take my smart pills. I am waiting for the moment when everything starts to click, and I get to have my brain back. I dumped a number of smart pills in a baggie, and flew to work this weekend. First on the Saturday I left the smartpills in the car, well, I forgot them really. Then on the Sunday I took one in the morning, and then thought that I had left them in the car, when I had really actually stashed them in the side pocket of my bag.

It hasn't helped that there is a blanket of fog sitting so thick amongst us, that everybody is living in a fog. The very fog that I am desperately tring to escape. I am not sure if I chucked a couple of fog pills around my travels if it would magically lift the fog, or not. In the meantime I will now carry the bottle around with me, that way the sound of the smartpills against the plastic container will remind me to do something... if I remember.

Come out, come out....

where ever you are....

We have a crybaby german shepherd dog that insists on behaving like a crybaby. It doesn't matter what we do with her, she's a crybaby. The family unit decided to go for a drive last night, in the wonderful fog filled land of the lower mainland... to see what exactly I do not know, although I know that the fog downtown looks the same as the fog down the street. It wasn't that exciting... except that we got to see some nightlife alive and well roaming around the streets on a Saturday night. We brought the crybaby dog with us, because we didn't want to leave her at home. I am not sure if it made a difference, she sat in the back of the 15 year old SUV, with her head down, basically sleeping the whole way. She would have done the same thing had we left her at home, alone, with the stereo on. There is one bonus to the crybaby's outing lastnight... I now have an empty space in the back of the 15 year old SUV .... that is junkless, paperless, waterless, boxless and bookless. It's very empty...and now has room for the little dog that kept herself hidden in the corner.

All That Matters, by Wayson Choy

I finished this the other day, although I have just found myself here now.

IN, under 2 hours.

This is what the Fussydolls planner has told me every day:

Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.

Fussy, what science report do you have?
"I don't know mama, I think I have to draw pictures of sunflowers", says she.

Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.

Fussy, where is your science duotang?
"I don't know mama, I think I lost it", says she.

Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.

Fussy, are you working on your science report at school?
"I don't know mama, I think my science duotang is at home", says she.

I bring you now to November 20th.... Sunday afternoon 4:30 PM. "Alright", I say to the three adult woman at my mother's home, " which one of you are going to help me throw together a science report about god knows what, in record time, with very little effort...?.... don't all speak at once..." I ask.

You have to love the "New Book of Knowledge" encyclopedias from the 1970's. They are so informative. As I know it, gardening is gardening is gardening... and although I could have hopped on the internet to find out a crash course in factual gardening, the New Book of Knowledge spelled it all out in 5 easy steps. Well, included in that factual information was some insight from none other than Bill Vanderzalm.... and there you have it... the science report. I photocopied pictures for the Fussydoll to colour, and then I read to her factual information, and then told her to tell me what I just read to her... and I typed out what she said.....it all happened in under 2 hours... and the "Science report due November 21st" is no longer a strain on my brain.

Check, Check, Check.

I had to make a list of duties to do today... and checked them off in my head one by one. It's now the end of the day, and I have a whole list of checkmarks wondering through my brain... and it will start all over again tomorrow, well, that is if I wake up on time....

I wish I was on time earlier this evening... because as far as I know, scrapbooking started way earlier for the Debbies, than it did for me. I even managed to get one page accomplished. Freaking goddamned embelishments, I hate them.... they are far too time consuming... I'm still very much into my cut, colour, slap and slam routine (slap=paste). It goes quite well for me, and I manage to get a lot accomplished, unlike tonight. Perhaps I am out of touch with the scrapbooking routine, or I should arrive at around noonish...(but I am not sure when I should begin the drinking festivities, or pick the children up from school). I'll feel better next time, I am hoping.

In other checkmarks from the day: The boy has been practicing his piano quite faithfully... especially with his evil eye browed mother slipping in slide glances every three seconds. He is doing very well, now that he practices. See, mean moms get results! I look forward to tomorrows torture fest for my sweet and lovely hamsterson.

The Pippy has a printing book, and I can say it has been a major major conquest... and apparently overnight, she has stopped flipping her letters. She now writes soley in the English language. I can only imagine the stories she could have told had she been made to learn Arabic.

I believe my library books are due back.. and I have to finish the last 80 pages of my book. It's an interesting story, and I tried to read it earlier, but one of the mothers at TKD insisted on talking to me. She told me hates children, I told her I hate children, which is true I do, sometimes and for certain reasons, but that is where I tried to leave it. Well, I hate evil children, or bossy children, or rude children, or exceptionally sickenly sweet children, or manipulative children. Anyways... exactly my point... I couldn't read... because she just kept going on and on about children... and I was busily thinking in my head... I hate children haters mothers... I really do.

As I check the time now, it's closing in on midnight, and the list for tomorrow is growing, and if I don't skidaddle off to someplace horizontal, I will miss tomorrow altogether.

When the going gets tough

The tough go sleeping?... Is that the way it goes?

I was having the most MOST bizarrest of dreams this morning...and I believe I forgot to wake up, until I couldn't take the stupidest dream ever (it's that impatient thing that takes over) and my eyes pinged open... then I saw that the clock read 8:17. Hot freaking damn! I immediately did a door check... (the chicklets).... and found that the Pipster's was open... Ok, that is a good start. I didn't realize how much of good start that was.... and now the world must know, the truth be told, the facts will astound you... as they astounded me. I found Pipster sitting at the computer, eating a breakfast bar, dressed for the day in her lavender flowered skirt, and matching shirt....and wait for it.... she even had her socks on. Un-freaking-believable! On this very morning.. it seemed to good to be true...even if it was a one shot deal of the week that stumbled upon me, then I will take it with extreme satisfaction. We did manage to make it to school before the 09:00 bell rang... it was a truely amazing record.. and it didn't even involved any form of hysterics by any of the humans this morning.

This has all been documented so that in future years, people know we were normal on some days.... and what a good feeling that is!

Holy fish cakes.

I just got back from the great grocery shop. I missed the big ticket coupon event last weekend, so today I used my measly "4x" the airmiles deal. I am not certain if the day will come when these airmiles will actually amount to anything.... but I am collecting until that day of realization comes... just in case.

I forgot to take my omega 3-6-9 smart pills already today...so I am already slipping in the bright department. Although now that I am actually thinking of it... I will find the bottle and down a few.... and hopefully I will be back to regular smartness momentarily.

In other non-smart things:

The resizing of the wedding ring is totally wrong... now I am walking around with a piece of tape wrapped around the bottom of it. Mr. Husbandman laughed and shook his head when the Pipster showed him the changes that had been made to the almost 15 year old (on the finger) ring. Little lady Pip loved it so, and asked when there would be a matching one on the other hand.... she is a smart little cookie... she knows that one day she will have them, so she better just start asking for more..... my Pip.

In other smartish things:

The Boy has lost his PS2 again... I am almost thinking that this time it is for good. For real, for good. I took it away from him last week when he announced that he failed to study for a French Exam..... because he forgot. ( I know I have memory issues.... but he's just 10, and shouldn't be quite as stupid as me... at least not yet ) Now that the PS2 is gone again... he can concentrate on his other things that he does in his big 10 year old life. One of the main things he is working on is listening, and following directions from humans. Hopefully he will find a good connection.... soon.

The people that employ Mr. Husbandman have realized once again how he is Mr. Versatile. The Husbandman tried to strike a deal to get out of doing his "office boy job"... but now they like him in there..... except for the "office boy" himself. So now he is wearing his work boots back at work... in the event that someone gets to leave the office to go to a jobsite... and is worksite worthy. When the call comes in, all they will see are burning footprints and squealing tires.... poor Mr. Officeboy.

OH, and the real reason I started writing.... I had to go and buy some food that wasn't prepared in 13 different vats of saturated fat. Mr. Husbandman brought home some fish last evening... as he well knew that the Pipster would absolutely love... I looked at the fat content of the one piece of fish and had a bird because of the fish. OMG.... 24 grams of fat in 1 piece..... oh yes,.... give me two! I don't think so.

So, as of now, I have a couple chunks of salmon defrosting in the bags on the floor where I left them... so must be off!

The office boy... again.

The office boy tried to make a break from the office. He put on his workboots which officially meant he was done being "The Office Boy"... but nobody noticed. Even the guy that is the official office boy ignored the husbandman pleas to be released from his office boy duties. I saw him try again this morning, as the workboots went on. I believe he has schemed a new plan to undo his office boy duties... we shall see.

The Tuesday Report:

It is not apparent yet... but I am clearly going to be smarter by the end of the day. I just know it. I stopped by the friendly vitamin palace and started talking to a girl representing Dr. Weill... but I wasn't interested in his new book.. at least not yet...at this point in time I was only interested in getting smart. Real quick. Now on top of remembering to take my vitamins.. now I need to take 3 additional smart pills a day. Good luck to me... I hope I remember.

In other things:

I picked up my brand new remodeled wedding ring today. I will show it off to those that are in the need to see new shiny things... but the people that work extra hard for a living, and do not care to buy their wife shiny things, and 10 year rings need not to know. I am not certain how long I can keep it from the husbandman... he may notice that I am wearing my ring again... he might even notice that I added a couple extra sparklers to it... The girl at the jewelry store came clean with me today. She told me that she has never ever needed to wear a pair of depends ever... until the day I came in the store, and then her ears to became witness to my saga of the the wedding ring that shrunk.....I told her I would be bringing in my stalker sister to have her wedding ring redone... I just didn't give her a day. I hope she's prepared when the two of us show up.

And finally.... my friend who has lived through the longest pregnancy ever... is just about to have her baby today. It reminds me of that movie with Desi Arnez, and Lucille Ball, in the Long long long long trailer. I do not remember the movie exactly, it's more the title that excites me. Well today is the day that my friend with the longest pregnancy on record, but within a 40 week time period is going to deliver. I can tell that today is the day... because she has become the stupidest that I have ever known her. All along this crazy chick was terrified of delivering at home (her body was extra efficient in delivering her baby boy, and at that time the Doc said "don't be across a bridge if you decide to have a baby again... and guess where she lives....))... and her final comment to me today, as she sat through really bad cramps one by one... "I think I will wait a while before I go to the hospital". I told her that the longest pregnancy ever had finally gotten to her... she was now officially stupid. As I hung up on her, I told her that she had someplace to be right now, and it wasn't talking on the phone to me any longer.

I know all this... because I am extra smart due to the fact that I have taken Omega 3-6-9

oh no....

Don't stick around, things are bad here. Bad in the sense of humour, that's all.

How many times does it take to boil a kettle? So far I am working on four times, and I still haven't accomplished a hot cup of anything yet.

After this weekends massive headache attack, I have been left mortally stupid, and beyond. I feel like a chunk of my brain has crystalized, the part that holds the key to numbers and name recall is gone. I am thinking that no amount of double alphabetized vitamins are going to be the magic solution to my brain issues.

My haircut non-haircut has turned high maintenance. Everyday since Thursday when the haircut non-chaircut happened I have a new head of hair doing weird things each and every morning. It is quite similar to rocket science trying to figure out what to do with it... other than making it fly, it does that nicely on it's own. I'll go call NASA now.

And the latest of late night headlines go to the dog. Little Miss Ellpee has gone silent. Mr. Husbandman has done a fine job of clicking off her clicky nails, and trimming the fur that makes her skiddish, not to confuse you by her silly self still being skittish... we can't just trim that part of her away. As usual the whole time he was clicking and cutting, she thought she was lying on her deathbed. The manicured Ellpster is now busy napping before her allnight basket sleep-a-thon.

Happy Monday

It's a lovely sunny Monday morning. All Monday mornings are lovely and sunny... right? I think the weather was bored with itself even, and finally gave itself a break. Although the weather could have thought about this a bit earlier than last night...

Input and Output

I have had a rather wordless week on the output side of things. I did manage to finish a completely boring book, and then a not so boring book. At the moment I am reading an interesting book.... FINALLY! In other things that make my life whole:

The stalker sister called me yesterday, just as I was about to leave work... and asked if I could do her a favour..... as in "how was your day, and how much do you like my children?". Her lovely babysitter girl was a no-show. It should be noted that our superson is one up on his parents... as in "Can you shut the den door?".... his response..."If I am going deaf, you have to go deaf with me...the screams have to get out somehow".

And so.... times ticking, so are the library deadlines.

Pleasantville

I believe it has quit raining out.... just long enough for people to wring themselves out and maybe dry off... only maybe though. Here's a list so far of what I have accomplished:

1. I managed to make it to work.
2. I manged to eat 6 extra strength tylenol before 12:00, I only started taking them at 07:00
3. I managed to smile while I was at work.
4. I managed to destroy my headache before the 1:00 hour.
5. I managed to find my sense of humour while at work.

This list is more than I have managed to do since Thursday evening. It only gets better from here.

A Million Little Pieces, by James Frey

Not something that I may have read, but I believe that I managed to learn something from it, and not the whole bit on the bulk of the story, recovery & rehab.

A Complicated Kindness, by Miriam Toews.

I am not sure who Heather is up there... but it certainly didn't make Deanna's picks...

The drive thru diet.

That is what we are on currently. It has come to my immediate attention that I have to be very attentive in dealing with the drivethru difficulties that arise due to not having a working drivers window. We can not do the drive thru at the moment, due to the fact that something has happened to the motor/switch on the driver's side window. This causes great troubles with the whole drive thru thing that sometimes occurs. ... and it only occurs when we are on the fly. Well, it happens a lot when I need a morning fix of coffee, and need to be someplace at almost the same time. This could all be cured if I would do one of two things. One, stop drinking coffee, or two: take a moment to figure out if the "at home" coffee maker really is broken. I am sensing that it is, although it hasn't outright told me so. The husbandman does not know either, since he is on his usual coffeeless weekends, and does not require such an item any longer. So, for this weekends adventure I am going to present to Mr. Husbandman hungry children, three places to be at once, and suggest a drive thru of his choice. The driver window non working thing will start his mind buzzing, and he will hurridly hunt through the SUV's vehicle manual and perhaps go someplace to find a part to rectify the driver's window problem. In the meantime, I'll keep greeting the drive thru wicket people with open doors....

The office boy.

The Mr. Husbandman had hurt his back a number of weeks ago. In an attempt to continue on with his workday he traded a guy that worked in the "office", for a spot out on the road.. doing the windowish things that they do. This makes me think of a conversation that me and the Mr. Husbandman had many moons ago... which was something along the lines of "he could never work within four walls ever"... "he would go nuts". I have spent time observing him over the past couple of weeks, and he isn't busy running from room to room, nor hiding peanuts around the home so far. So every morning, being the kind of loving wife that I really try to be (minus the whole cooking thing) I smile and wave and wish him a nice day at work.... "OFFICE BOY!"

Cancelled.

I should be furiously gathering jokes, and stories, and programs to accomplish as of this very moment. Although at the moment my interest is looking out the window at this huge huge huge cummlus cloud that is going on, at least I think it's a cummulus cloud. It has fluffy edges and looks like a piece of non-buttered popcorn. I might need to go and take a picture of it. Along with that thought is the notion that I have to get to my group, which I have now cancelled... just in case a noncanceller infiltrator has made an appearance. ... my cloud is leaving....

In other useless thoughts...

I missed about three thousand different picture opportunities on the way home this afternoon, no make it five thousand. I had the bright skies behind me, and the black clouds before me, and a rainbow above me. I think I should have gone to the casino, I might have found some luck. I know there is a pot of gold sitting there.... I just wish it had my name on it.

Continuing with Mrs. Nice!!

That is a difficult task. How can I be Mrs Nice on a Friday, and then continue into a Sunday pretending to be Mrs. Nice. I am deeply troubled by my ineptness. Starting now, I will no longer be Mrs. Nice. .... so, I will finish the very last drop of the Mr. Husbandmans glass of red wine.... while he isn't looking, because he is busy cleaning the kitchen, after the wonderful Sunday dinner he has just made....

Wait a minute... he beat me to it.

Now there's real trouble.

Mrs. Nice

Yesterday I drove to the Salmon Hatchery for a field trip with the Big Grade 5er's. That thought takes me back to a number of years ago when myself and a friend drove a great long ways out of the way of the actual field trip. We agreed that we would not follow one another for this field trip. Although this field trip was basically down the street, and a right turn away... my friend and I were worried we could screw that up and we would be having a tour of a Tim Hortons coffee shop, rather than the intended fish hatchery.

All was well, we made it.. in the most pouringest of rain. I did not fear, I brought my umbrella. And so did another kid, but it's a shame that he didn't quite know what to do with it. While in the parking lot at the school, the three boys that I was driving wouldn't enter the vehicle because the unbrella holder wasn't sure how to get the umbrella in. After I hissed at the little imps to OPEN THE DOOR! they managed to enter the vehicle, except for the kid with the umbrella...he continued to stand in the pouring rain, waiting until someone took the umbrella from him. "Hand the umbrella to the boy in the backseat" I hissed.

WE made it to our destination in 2 1/2 minutes flat, and the boys piled out. The three of them stood on the roadside, in the pouring rain, waiting for me to stash my junk in the back of the 15 year old SUV. Umbrella boy tapped his umbrella impatiently... all three of them got soaked. Off we marched for the field trip.

During the field trip I saw the umbrella boy's umbrella attached to the Chicken Farmers Wife hand, and I asked her why she had it. "Umbrella boy didn't know what to do with it" she said. Hmmmm.

After a very interesting trip to the fish hatchery, and one fish dissection later, we were ready to head back to the school, for the 2 1/2 minute journey back. All was well, until I unlocked the doors, and tried to get umbrella boy back in. "Hey.. Hey... he starts to yell at me, "you have to get my umbrella down!". I being Mrs. Nice and all walked him through the task of taking down an umbrella and then entering the vehicle. It turned out to be a bigger fieldtrip for umbrella boy in the lessons of life.

Sights and frights of the day...

In the nick of time...

I guestimated that I would be finished the stalker sisters scarf tonight, before eleven oclock. I started it yesterday in a parking lot while waiting for the Pipsters class to be done doing whatever fieldtrip they were doing. It's a good thing that the marathon TV night was this evening, (survivor, CSI, ER) I managed to cast off before the credits. Although I had to take a couple moments when the little chimp died in ER... I am worried for my soul when every Thursday at 0905 there's a dead person on CSI, and I don't believe I weep for them...except I can drop a couple dozen tears for a plastic chimp, oh brother.

Anyways, the stalker sister should be happy with her new funny fur scarf.. and I wont even tell her that I dropped a stitch in the process. Well I actually dropped two... but I was able to find one dropped stitch before it was too late, I didn't notice the first one until 20 rows later..... oooops, too late for that one. She'll never know.. unless one of her informants give her the details....

And now... back to the library deadlines....

I have checked the calendar...

I am hoping for some clear weather in the next coming weeks. Luckily I had a window of opportunity yesterday and jumped on the chance to get outside and clean up the pumpkin madness festivities... well, all except for the big bat and big black spider that are still hanging from our house. Mr. Husbandman will not get kind words for those things still being up... in fact he gets a couple of choice non nice words about the fact that they are still up. The reason being... they are stapled to the house. I hate his FUCKING staple gun. It drives me nuts. I want to know how come a Mr. Meticulousineveryway insists on putting staples in his house? I tried to take the bat down yesterday... and part of it's wing ripped off... because it was stuck to a staple. I think I am going to hide his staple gun, or maybe just his staples... I'm not sure. At least he hasn't started asking where his 7 extra extension cords are... because I chucked a few of them away because they pissed me off a couple of weeks back, and I slammed the garbage can hard, because I hated them so!... and he doesn't even know.... but this isn't what I wanted to make mention of.....

I have had to double check the calendar so that I can fill my green waste container to the max over the next number of weeks .... otherwise I will have winter green waste infringing on spring waste, once the green waste rounds start up again in the spring. I will keep careful watch of the weather conditions so I can do my garden round up, inbetween knitting scarves for stalker sisters, and managed library book deadlines... yikes.

"It's the stalkers fault"

That is what I said to the Pip when she fell into the bleachers yesterday at gymnastics.

I somehow managed to score a seat at the top of the bleachers, which enables you to lean against the wall, and you get a view of your very own Olympic Gymnastics Princess. Well some are gymnists, and some are just like my Pip. Things could be worse:

I was just happily knitting up a storm while perched upon the top bleacher. Things were going well, I could see, I could lean, I could knit (as per the stalker sisters request). The only thing I couldn't do was keep a good eye on the Pip as she sat in front of me. I am not certain how it happened, due to the fact that I was furiously knitting... but this is what I recall from my birds eye view. I believe that the Pip decided to wait for her gymnastics and sat on the bleachers. I could see her blond head bobbling in the space in front of me... but somehow in a Pippish fashion, and three knits later... I see Pips feet high in the air, exactly where her head should have been. "WOA... Pip, what's going on down there?" I call down to her. The little lady gymnist Pipster had somehow managed not to give herself a brain injury as her hands are touching the ground beneath the bleachers, and her blond mass of hair was dangling above her. That was the exact moment that I looked up from my knitting to see her painted toes wiggling about in the air. Luckily, a very attentive non-knitting spectator saved the Pip from further disaster and pulled her up from the depths of the bleachers. Lucky for Pip that some people don't come to the Olympic Gymnist gym with craft projects.

Someone like me..

Last evening the sister called and decided that we needed to do some useless tasks... (shock, gasp, slap!). I twinged a bit, but thought it was best that I did, afterall I wouldn't be showing my true faith to scrapbooking if I didn't at least go and help the poor stalker sister out, and besides... who knows what her wrath would have been otherwise. I knew that I would have to put down my books for the evening... because that thought was gone.

WE walked in the front doors of the CRAFTSTORE and immediately the stalker sister spots some "funny fur" and picks up a couple of balls and tells me to knit her a scarf. (She prefaced that announcement with the statement: You read too much, here, let's get you back on a knittying hobby). Not long after that the two of us were standing in the doorway discussing colours and amounts of funny fur, when two things happened.... someone called out my name, and I met someone like me.

Yes, it's Bizarre.

The person that was "somone like me" gave us directions as to the amount of funny fur to buy, and size of needles to use, said a couple of funny things to the two us of, and then wished the two of us luck, and walked away. I said to my stalker sister.... she was kind of funny.

Very shortly after that I met my "real life friend turned blog buddy because life is all too consuming" and talked with her for a few moments. I would link her, but finding the right button is complicated when I am scurrying through the morning routine.... sorry L.! Anyways... her life stories along with my life comments always make us end up in stitches..... she disappeared quickly because as usual she was throwing in tasks between tasks...

The stalker sister and I continued around the CRAFTSTORE... and found stuff. I was ever so happy because I managed to not fondle any item in the store or became attached to any item, therefore letting my sizzling Mastercard sit in my bright pink wallet.

We left and went to Pier One where the sister bought herself a birthday present with the gift card that I gave her birthday. She bought herself a nice gift, I have such nice taste! he he he

On the way back to the car a black jeep starts propelling itself around the parking lot and winds up right next to us. It's the woman like me from the CRAFTSTORE..... she is scrambling in her jeep to get something and tells us in the same breath that she isn't a stalker but she needs to show us her scarves and pulls out her needles to show us. Right there in the shadows of the parking lot were three scarves that were in the making perched upon her needles. She was quite excited to tell us all about her adventures in knitting. This is when I realized that I had just met someone just like me.... well, of course with the exception that she claims not to be a stalker, and that name is reserved the sister as well...... but seeing that we are related, it all seems to go. I of course then had to tell the woman the name of my sister.. as in stalker sister... that sent the woman into fits of laughter.. . and away she went, buzzing along in her black jeep with balls of funny fur attached to her 8 mm knitting needles.


I asked my stalker sister how long it would take for me to turn into that woman... and the stalker sister told me: "You are already there".

Some things just scare me...

Like the guy that was travelling along the side of the highway, walking on top of the cement median/divider. Mind you we used to lead our lovely but evil german shepherd Cicely... she marched proudly on top of the cement divider.... conquering the wall that divided the ditch that ran along the other side, or (at the time) a quiet roadway. We didn't ask her to do it... she marched herself up the oneside, and down the other. It would have been a scarey sight had she decided to march herself on top of the cement divider along the highway ..... perhaps this person I saw today was a dog in another life.

Other scary moments:....

While at the dentist, things were running along smoothly. But somewhere along the way the gloves were removed, and then the fine (???) dentist moved from my mouth, to another consult, then back to my mouth. I never heard the gloves snap, or the taps turned once. I am wondering if I should really be afraid, or just remain paranoid.

I asked the Pip to clean up her room. Actually this doesn'tqualify as scarey, this is what nightmares are made of.

I thought that the Mastercard people were going to deny my card... it made some bold purchases today... and the plastic trackers might have thought that my card could have sprung a leak somewhere.

I have come to the conclusion that I should have some form of organizer for my scrapbooking supplies. The purple boxes are not going to cut the amounts of supplies that I have gathered. The larger scary thought is , I have not been doing some regular scrapbooking.. so I am having a build up of supplies... which sometimes is the same thing that my husband complains about, except he doesn't scrapbook.

Aaaaahhh. .. November 1st

The start of the Christmas season. I barely have my pumpkins in my composter and my bats and spiders folded... and now I must start hunting for the prettiest of christmas cards.

And there are other things:

Since there is a change in time, it is certain that all things must change. There is that temporary annoyance that breakfast consists of candy. Some people have coffee, some take tea, some add loads of sugar to their hot beverages ... or some people (long blond hair, silly, and in grade 3....) just decide to bulk up on the sugar content, and get it over with for the day. It's not a bad deal, all the cravings are dealt with before 8 o'clock in the morning. Which now leaves me in the position of fixing the crash that will happen at 10:30... while I am not around.

November is the month which doesn't really exist to me either, it's almost like a magical dissapearing month. Oh the days happen as they normally do... but I tell you ... I will be writing the same story this time next month... and I will be wondering what happened to the month of November. I will refer to this blog... and be frightened by the blank, blank, blank.. on the entries.

I best go get the girls meaty hands away from her candy bag... or she will be able to fly herself to school. I do not fear... once her candy is gone, it's gone. I won't have to worry about it any longer... well, her brother might fear her.. but at least I wont! HA!

Hoping...

I am hoping that the group today will be intact after we have our meeting today. I am planning on wearing a revealing costume that will amuse the folks greatly, and divulge my true self... something that I have been lying about for a great long time.. and will continue to profess to.. as I much despise this very thing...... and once again.. the true reason why the Husbandman will not build me a new and fancy kitchen... because I do not need it.

Alright, and the revealing number is ... a krinkley apron with this saying:

Apparently the biggest day of the year...

If you are a candy lover.

Pip has been waiting for this "the greatest day of all" to arrive for a while now. She loves this whole "let's get dressed up and walk up to strangers doors for a smidgeon of candy". It's her thing, and she takes great pride in seeing how well she can do it.

And... because I rank highly in the kitchen of favourites.... I sent a lov ely package of reduced fat oreos for the big party in her class today. I am very kind. I saw other mothers walking with wrapped items, made with love, care and perfect ingredients. But, I have to say, I also have witnessed what children do to the items that have been made with great attention to detail, and warm and loving thoughts... we all know that they reach that magic round bin in the sky. So, I believe that I saved myself the time, fretting and anguish over a couple of non-decorated cookies.... enjoy people.

Happy Halloween

The Five People You Meet in Heaven. by Mitch Albom

I learned something....

But I do not know what.

I went off to camera class today. One of those "learn everything in a day" kind of courses. I may have learned a bunch of stuff, I just want to know where I filed all the information. I immediately went out post class, and started pointing and shooting my Canon Rebel FILM camera all over the place, and metered everything from here to the moon. I am not certain what I may or may not have accomplished... but I do know that my little digital gave me instant results... so now I will have to wait to see the screwups once I get the pictures back.

Everyday is a good day....

But some things make it better.

It's lovely to hear that Miss Pippy is actually thriving, enjoying, focusing, and working in her very classroom... for the whole day. It is actually lovely to hear these words. Before the strike both of her lovely teachers were a bit perplexed by the Pip, but she has seemed to fallen right into step. I believe the Autumn Festivus ((for you Seinfeld lover's out there)), (AKA Teacher's Strike) was a great growing experiment for Lady Pipster. Something wonderful happened while teacher's were out walking picket lines.

Since we are doing happy family things this is something that she has put together... and only a blond Pip would know the reason.



Oh, and on a sidebar note.... if anyone get's that circulating joke about the BLONDSTAR roadside assistance.... my girl would benefit from such a service, really and seriously... I witnessed it today.. she too was "locked" inside the vehicle, while she was still inside, as I stood on the outside of the vehicle .... I kid you not. That joke is based on fact, it just has to be.