Friday, March 13, 2015

Marjolins Ulcer VS Marian Keyes!

Which makes for light late night reading?

Clearly the first option will shock the living shit out of ones eye bulbs, and leave them reeling down even the flattest of driveway landscapes.

So don't go with option ONE, I'm telling you that right now.

Marian Keyes of course is the best choice award for late night LIGHT reading .... then there's the challenge  to actually open up the page where one left off ... to get that nice floaty feeling that goes with the as option two.

So life in the world where a little things like cancer and other related events impede your day ....

The surgeon is wondering if the pathology report was actually wrong ... for two reasons ....

The margins of ONE percent was actually more, and the LOCATION of the unclear margin was incorrect.


How the hell does this shit happen ... Are we talking a life long gong show event that continues to take place ... 

If I go back in time ... and review some of the idiotic events that have occured, one would spin their heads, and chuckle and point and admit ... yup ... "Look .. it's gong show girl !" Well then let's just admit it ... trust me people, ... this gong show girl is a professional.

Things like having the good doctory people tell you to keep using the majorly potent steroid cream.

Then have another dermatologist tell me that why didn't I listen to the other two good doctorly people, and put the potent steroid cream around the edges of this LESION. In fact ... put the majorly potent steroid cream over the whole LESION. And while we are talking NON WOUNDS, but lesions ... it is only a lesion, and not a non healing wound, and get the dressing off it ... because it's not helping it. (So I guess it's OK to walk around with socks and runners continuously soaked with draining fluid ...?) That doctorly person failed to answer that question. 

So I followed that REALLY BAD ADVICE, and the foot (fake wound I guess) burned to freaking living hell for four days ... that I remember now actually .. but it burned on and on and on and on .... I eventually made it back to my GP where I had to dispell the hellish event of seeing that doctorly sort of person. His consult also reported that what I needed was physio. That's what I really needed, and I had been lax in realizing this myself. 

My question to the GP had been .. OK ... I could do physio, except ... this foot is burning, violent and I can barely walk ... but I could consider physio ... IN OTHER LIFETIME OF HELL. She suggested I wait a bit before I embarked on physio ... considering that in reality nobody could actually touch the foot or manipulate it in any way as it was ... so maybe it was best to wait. OK... great thanks.

In other related stupid story events ... I appreciate people's (we are talking doctorly people) good regard for me demanding urgent health care. It's the truth peoples ... gawd. Yes ... many of the doctors I saw told me that I needed to tell the doctorly types that what I needed was on an urgent basis. Uhmmmmmmm ... just a note here peeps .. from what I REALLY know to be true, and what actually WORKS .. is that if you doctorly peoples actually talk to one another ... there's these handy devices such as telephones, and even handier such incidentals as well (!) paid secretaries to do the dialing if the whole telephoning event is a difficult process. Yes, it was up to me to supposedly demand that I get the ball rolling QUICKLY.  

Right. That works ... in the HELL FREEZES OVER scenario.

However today ... in the gong show events of life .. when the sugeon stated that things were NOT as they should be ... he told me I needed a biopsy ... just so we are CLEAR ... I need a biopsy two months and five days after surgery that was supposed to fix this mess.  


So I won't sign up at the gym then ... it could be a waste of money at this point ... 

Interestingly enough ... I am listening to the boys band The Face.plants song called WHY. Except their song is supposed to be a fun pop love song ... which it is ... in my circumstance ... I ask myself the question .. "Please tell me why" .....which are their lyrics ... however it's suddenly suiting for my life question in this moment ... 

So in todays office conversation with the surgeon he gave me a date of April 10th for a biopsy. I hmmmed and hawed (FUCKING LIE! .. I didn't) ... actually I sighed and said .. well ... this is what I know, and from experience now in our new found relationship ... I know that one month from now, this foot will just be a lot worse ... the pain will intensify, and in reality things are just going to deteriorate. I asked him if he really thought this was potentially cancer crawling it's way back ... because I have been watching all other parts of this foot HEAL the last two months .. except this one part, which has actually gotten worse ... and he wonders the same thing ... my obvious observations was the pain portion .. I said .. well, things in the pain department are very much better, and yet .. there is a huge reservation as to WHY this is still very painful, when in reality it shouldn't be. In the end things changed quickly ... 

My appointment for the oncologist was bypassed.

I suggested that I continue antibiotics for another week because the massive stupid infection in my ankle probably hadn't cleared yet, which could be a HUGE contributing factor the pain problem.

I have a DATE with the surgeon this MONDAY morning, just past sunrise.

He is going to biopsy the freshly fixed problem, and THEN we are going to attempt to biopsy the ankle, which I don't think I am going to be able to do ... unless we have a five minute knock out sledge hammer approach to throwing a needle in an area of tissue that is already badly wounded.

Then ... as badly as he wished to NOT DO ... if the biopsy results come back as positive he has already said .. well, we fix and graft all the portions of the foot. The NEW spot, the SPOT of original ONE percentness, and then the ANKLE. 

And then to make matters even more interesting in a casual office visit ... he said that I should start to swirl around in the back of my head that if this continues to be way ... that I should start considering the potential for amputating.

Yes, swallow that with your handful of caramel popcorn.

I need a drinking problem.

And THIS is what the story of LIGHT reading about Marjolin's Ulcers are ... they COME BACK.

I will stick to my LATE night Marian Keyes LIGHT reading ... thanks.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Just past twelve ...

And what exactly have I done?

So I have realized that I have a lot of clothes in my closet neatly piled with nothing to do.

Other than make me fret about finding a single pair of pants ... which of course I couldn't find. Gawd damn it. Thats OK .. I only have ten days to figure out where I might have put them in my neatly folded stack of clothes that have nothing wrong with them .. and yet I don't wear.

Gotta admit ... the lovely physio girl is heading off to Portland .. but only for a single night .. not good in my books ... I need a Portland do-over. Hence my believing that her single day is just not adequate ... I want to go for a week ... and just chill ... except that I think I would have to go it alone .. the husbandman wouldn't be into wandering almost aimlessly about the crackerjack village for no real reasons ... he has no great understanding of the intense people watching that must take place ...

OK .. nope .. I think I want to get to the Oregon Coast more ... yes ! That's It! ... says Charlie Brown ... or Lucy ... but you get the connontation ... I wish to walk the sands of the Oregon Coast ... with my monopod. Perhaps the husband would do that with me ... or I could go it alone ... I think. The better part is we could bring the rascally BO BO meister ... he would make any little trip adventuresome.

So earlier we were talking about enjoying going out for dinner ... well .. I think I might .. if I had a husbandman who enjoyed going out for dinner ... except that since he is addicted to enjoying cooking, and the whole shopping portion of the cooking .. and the whole process ... he doesn't like going out for dinner ... because he quietly cesses out the cost comparison .. .and of course it is a KAJILLION times cheaper to create the exquisites in the homeland. All find and dandy ... but WHERE'S the adventure ? And the atmosphere ... and MOST importantly ... the PEOPLE !

Then there's the whole poler fleece addiction ... when one wishes to believe that polar fleece is all occasion wear ... then it's hard to go into finer establishments with the homeless looking person at your side. Gawd. I gotta get that shit right ! Wrong ... I will stick to eating my pineapple poles (that's what I call them) from Costco .. and my full on greek yogurt and hemp hearts .... cause living with me is just that simple.

OK ... back to the children that are not children in the sense that they are not under two feet high. So the boy was in an indescribable wickedly bad mood last eve .... so much so the signal of endearment was all but forgotten ... and no eye contact was made while he was sitting at his music making piano machine ... he even stealthily made it into his bedroom many hours later .. and not a single word was said to me ... OUCH. When these wildly talented musicians find themselves in a bad mood ... the world must be forced to dance upon eggshells. And be evermost diligent about that eggshell walk.

So the best thing to counteract the foulness of moods .. is still that awakening moments ... with happiness .. which included a chocolate chip muffin for the lad .... and of course for the beautiful young lady ... just past twelve ....

Sunday, March 08, 2015


Last week while I was twirling about in the bed because the little bitchfoot was exhausting my efforts at remaining asleep ... I came up with a plan ...

I had to figure out a way to set up shop with my camera, and use the remote button ... to get pictures of hummingbirds.

So amongst the sliding this way and that ... I managed to figure it out.

I did a little reading about the little fellas .. and so today ... I started my trap!

I bought some brightly coloured spring flowers, and then moved my hook allotted hummingbird gadget .. and I set to work cleaning up the feeders, and brewing up the mixture. All 10 seconds it took to make the swirling clear mixture!

So now ... the trap has been set ... however ... I am going to purchase more "hooks" & feeders for additonal hummers to find their way into the yard ... so it can be a festival of humming porportions!

Back to regular scheduled programming ...

Have yet to practice any of my exercises due to the continued wreck of a thigh muscle .. how hilarious (OK NOT) that I can't exercise lying down because I still managed to ruin a muscle.

I am not sure whether to cancel physio on Tuesday or not ... nahhhhh ... I won't ... it's better that I go ... I will hummmmm my way through things somehow!

Friday, March 06, 2015

Just dont mess my hair.

That is what I was thinking about this morning prior to me going to physio.

So here's my latest .....

Me doing CORE work .. and BREAKING a sweat.

Seriously folks, it's the truth.

I will say HAPPY sugarclumps over that one!!

How is that possible. Well it just is. Fuck. Take my word for it.

I pay a beautiful woman a lot of money, to make me sweat and almost fall off exercise balls!

That's OK .... I am feeling pretty trashed after being at her place for a single hour ... and I am not fucking kidding you bozo the clown eyebrow raisers! Gawd, or more like double gawd ...

I came home to sweepa the homestead since I didn't do it yesterday, so over night the regular two dog multiplying hair system that takes place while darkness penetrates the home ... it was more like a triple dog hair multiplying process ... and now today .. POST physio, and doing things like DEAD BUGS ... there is a whackadoodle amount of hair ... which I can barely sweepa....

OK and then in news that is even more horrifying ... the fixer upper massage therapist girl is busily going on spring break ... so I am out of commission from her as well ...

This is now life in the fast lane ... and more expressively ... every body has switched lanes ... so all I have to do is keep driving till these people come available to me again.

I am going to have to do something fascinating while on spring break ... except in my adult boring world there isn't much to break about .... maybe I will reminess over lasts year adventure ... New York !

In other things so muh less exciting:

I texted the girl yesterday ... "So I'm going to Costco ...." when I get the freakishly excited text back .. "NOT WITHOUT ME!!!!!". That's my girl ... always just so not excited about things.

Well ... it's best to venture on with the day ... although I am having a hard time standing ...  kind of funny actually ... I can barely stand cause I SAT and exercised for BARELY an hour!

And, my hair became messy. I rock the world.

Thursday, March 05, 2015

ONe nut bar at a time

That is how one walks through life ....

I am the perfect speciman for a nutbar ... or at least presentation style resemblers such as that.

Which is fine .. especially when you leave the people guessing.

So in things that I have become addicted to:


My head sings clearer already. Even if it is a nutbar approach to the head clearing station.

The lady at the desk laughed at me today when I walked in the place, and immediately touched their orchid. I was checking out the soil moisture. Mine has almost kicked the bucket, and I haven't bothered figuring out their life span. Sighhhhhhh. Then after I was done, I told her that I best be off to get some coffee. She again chuckled that this crazed vibrant person cruised through the door sans coffee.

The nice massage lady noticed that I was minus the polar fleece today ... I said I was braving it up a notch since it was going to be 14 degrees that perhaps the polar wasn't necessary, although a down vest truly the next best thing.

And now .. its spring break .. and people take time off and shit. How hugely annoying. I would recommend that NOBODY get sick during this time ... all the doctory types have left the villages and headed for the resorts a plenty ... so it's best to slice and dice yourself in a resort right now .. cause all the fixer upper types are at the ready, drink in one hand, and a numbing instrument in the other! Ha. not.


That is the word I have been using. Alot. It demonstrates the level of pain that I am currently trekking around with. Sometimes I might even say extra bigly FWWWWA... with accent on the W.

I went to the Doctory Lady yesterday ... the poor ankle has some idiotic bug in it ... which is now just killing me off ... a lot.The bug drugs will kill it off ... and I will be back in business. THEN .... I will be off to join the gym ... cause I am nut-bar-ish like that.

Now I have embarked on something furtherly fun ... Im meeting my friend next week to discuss some paint splatter to happen ... on a canvas, or something ... and be all  juicy and creative .... and that's all the way into next week.

Maybe after I finish my book .... more laughter .... !!

Tuesday, March 03, 2015

What have we got today ...

The dentist called me yesterday.

He told me he missed me. Of course he does. I bring him good money! Then, because he missed me so much, he called me back. So it was established that The Sir's jeep fund should in reality be called replacing Deanna's teeth fund. I love expensive CT scan's they reveal so much ... as in I have enough bone to replace the teeth that are now barely hanging in there .... I am such a superstar!

Yesterday was the first day back at the Stroke Group. I was excited to be back, and yet highly reserved to think that I was going to be unhappy at the end of the day. Well, truth be told, I was happy.... the whole right side of my body wasn't.  So I told it to fuck off. That worked till later in the night when I was continuosly telling the body to fuck off, and it wasn't slicing the mustard.

So I got my hair coloured last week. It has taken on a bit of a red like appearance .. not really super red, but red enough indeed. AND, my bangs are still missing. The hairdresser lady has put the fear of gawd into me that I am not to go near my head of hair with a crappy pair of scissors and chop at my bangs. So far, so good. Yesterday I spent an undeterminate degree of time and equipment to recreate the freshly coiffed look and appeal that I left the hairdresser ladies home with. Despite magicals oils, big brushes, flat blow dryers and smoking hot straightening irons, I still wasn't able to achieve what the hairdresser lady was in a matter of moments, and a single blow dryer. It made me laugh. A lot. Yesterday .. and now today. The truth of the matter is ... I am home alone ... laughing by myself. We might have a situation here ...

I have a make believe list of the great details of what I wish to do today are ... and again ... I am troubled by which to go about my great imaginary list. I most definitely have a problem. Albeit a very manageable problem, but a problem all the same. I am perplexed by the very notion of what to do, and what not to do. Today the foot is kinda stinging like a vinegar bath, with an ache as big as frying pan thumped upon a log. Do I weather the feeling, and carry out my mundane tasks with some frivolity, or do I simply say ... ok .. fuck it, forget it ... just do nothing, and rest it. The conflict remains the regular source of confusion, ... as in "use it, or lose it" ...  Trying to regain some mobility and stamina for carrying out routines of the day ... however ... that inflicts a certain amount of trauma .. and I can't seem to balance out pain between perservence, vs extending the length of time this foot remains wounded.

Well .. I will move into my exercise room and unleash my fury on my exercise aparatus. Oh wait ... that is non existant. Although ... I did have the great revelation from the exercise rehab physio that I found how to tie my arm exercise pulley system to a door handle, without it smacking me in the face.

So as much as The Sir explained his huge dis-satisfaction with his lack of space for his jeep like repairs and the fact that he needed a garage built to sooth his car addicted soul ... I pointed out to him a couple small things ... that which I did not have, or which my inner artistic soul has not been  tapped into, nor replensihed in a very great number of years ... the fact that I once was a painter, and I used to draw, as well, I used to sew, and then along came scrapbooking, which as nice as that is, is far too big (the end product being the albums), for this tiny house (we do not even have a bookshelf - apart from my closet!), and the new onset task of enjoying to knit (despite what my facebook posts depict), as well as a scaled down version of scrapbooking, but card making .. I enjoy that as well, along with taking photographs..... which in all it's smallness still takes up space. So while the Sir complains about lacking of his great passions ... I pointed out that all my great passions were neatly (and haphazardly) tucked away in closets awaiting their turn for a revival.

No Sir, you are not alone in your wants.

And that's what we have for today!