Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Hiss Growl SNAP

That happens from time to time. It just happened now, it's 10:15 and the latenighter children insist on still being up....for what reason I am not sure. I think they like me too much.... or not. Anyways... I just started hissing, and pointing to bedroom doors and "goodnighting" smaller people all over the place. Even the scaredycatdog has been sent to hamstersons room.. although she had already tucked herself in her basket in our room, in the dark. She's furry, and she's weird, so she can't be helped. I am not certain how to get through to the latenighter children.... they just mill about and continuously do things until I go kind of psycho, and then the lights are out, and the doors are shut. There is the added note that I just took a mit full of vitamins to help me stay smiling and nice..... I hope they work for tomorrow, because my smiling is done for the day.

The Unclutchable.

Once upon a time
In a Canadian land
A white Toyota Forerunner
Got a little out of hand.

The owner drove and she drove.
Until the noise scared her so
She took it to an auto guy
Where he explaimed "ho ho!"

All the next day
She waited in great fear
What would the auto guy find?
Would he be able to get it into gear?

Her cell phone finally rang,
While she waited with anticipation,
and found out the truth,
the source of her frustration.

A slave drive unit thing,
was the problem at hand,
the bill for this repair,
would still be under a grand.

There's nothing like a bill,
to kick the spending season off right..
I guess that's when I get to watch,
my credit card take flight.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Dear Mzzzzzzzzzzz Haairringring-kee

I wrote this to a columnist, I hope I get a response:

Oh god....

So the girl had a science project to do..... (a gardening "science project" thing handed out by her wonderful and passionate teacher... kind of "out there"... no real guidelines, no expectations... just a couple items of criteria, one of them that it had to be done at home, and it was due Nov 21st). The girl ended up in tears just talking about it. So everyday I approached her with a new set of words and a huge amount of love about "the science project"... until it came down to of course the crunch... and she needed to hand something in, rather than a blank piece of paper. Two sundays ago.... the pip and i worked on her science project... (get this...)

So Pip....(I read a her a bunch of "shit" about making and preparing soil) do you make soil?.....she then talks, and I type... what ever the words were that came out of her mouth... they got slammed on paper... in the meantime she was busily colouring away gardening pictures. We did this for the whole project... "colour Pip colour", I said to her... imbetween "what did you just hear about watering plants?"... until we were done, stapled and labeled. Yes, we "referred" to a couple of diagrams, (what's the point in colouring a picture if you do not take special notice of it) and icluded an introduction and a conclusion....

So the teacher refused to give pip back her project,(which made Pip cry!) then proceeds to say to me... "this seems more like you, than the Pip"... my response.... yes. Now she would like to meet with me... and now the greater fear is .... she won't be happy with my response at the end of the meeting..... two.... I fear that she wants the girl to redo the project, and if that's the case.. I will write my obituary now...three... I will have to ask her what her expectations are for a misdirected child to do a total science project at home, on her own... when she would much rather be playing barbies and building houses for her stuffed cats..... I fear I will say things like "if you ( the teacher) would have liked something of substance to be completed by the pip then the bulk of the project should have been attempted within school hours, not sent home with an irresponsible 8 year old that is intimidated easily... and has no concept of "pressure to impress"... ... or even worse... "if you were expecting that the childs parents wouldn't get involved... those expectations should have been written in the "criteria" section on the back of the paper as well"....

See,.... I fear for myself, and the Pip... I do not think that I will meet with the teacher's in all of our best interest... but then, I could decide to hold my tongue... I will see how the mood strikes me.

Your payment is in the mail...

Monday, November 28, 2005

Face your day!

So far the day is shaping up fine:

I have a clutch that's about to break, blow, crack or fail.
My thoughts reeling in my head at the moment: Do I take it to a transmission place, (where it will not be easy to drive to) or my not-so regular place where they guys are nice, and didn't really fix my power steering pump very good the third time around, and didn't charge me for it either... but I believe that they know what they are doing, and the steering pump thing really had them stumped...?
The weather people are predicting snow.
I hope I have enough people to play majong today.

I found my other tube of lipstick at work, but then forgot it at work.
It would be illegal for me to go colourless.... I have more tubes somewhere...

At least my hair is one colour today.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Between you and me by Mike Wallace.
I liked it even more, because it came with a DVD... and you could see the details of his interviews. I'm all about the visual experience.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Der hummer ist shwer?

Yes, I speak the truth on this one.

How about.....

Der zug ist leer.

Or even.......

Der hund ist klein.

I have been doing my homework... my Stroke Group decided that they wanted to learn a second language... they decided on German. Now I am busily learning German... which is interesting since I barely have a grasp of the English language.

OH.. and now for the interpretation for those that are not german reading folks.

Der hummer ist shwer...... means..... The lobster is heavy.
Der zug is leer...... means..........The train is empty.
Der hund ist klein........means..........The dog is small.

I think I will be remaining Canada for a while longer yet.

Do you know where my lipstick is?

I am currently having lipstick issues. I can't find them. I have just recently purchased two exquisite new colours... and they have slipped away from me. I have no idea where they are, or if they are still around. That is problematic to me... being the lipstick lover person that I am. My thoughts are "it's all bright, all the time".... otherwise you do not see me. On the odd occasion I drive to school without the lipstick on... but then I am usally applying it while I am making the quick drive to school. I refer to my lipstick, as I do my tasks.. driving lipstick, talking lipstick, walking lipstick, cleaning lipstick, reading lipstick. It works for me. Somedays the lipstick even comes off... but only somedays... otherwise they stay stained around the clock.. only because I buy the lipstick that remains around the clock.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

A stalker is what a stalker is.

Last evening I was out helping my mother spend our inheritance. I tried to keep it down to a small amount of cash leaving her hands.... as I am concerned for the future you know. While my mother and I were out and about, the sister was busily driving herself around in her and her husbandmans new Pathfinder vehicle. She drove to our house for a useless task night, just so she could take me out in her new vehicle. I would of happily gone, had I been home, and not out with our mother...

Earlier today while I was walking in circles around the track near our home my phone rang. It was the sister, she had a complaint. She was tired of stalking me, as I was never "around" to be stalked. I did say to her that she was now one up on me... she could stalk me for as long she liked, and I would never see her coming... because I know longer knew of her vehicle colour.

Then, this afternoon, fresh past noon... I decide to call the stalker sister, and ask her of her plans. We had made plans, to be someplace for lunch..... but then she decided that the thought of hanging out with me would be boring, but only maybe..... so she harnessed a new friend to go have lunch with her. Luckily I had my trusty double agent with me... AKA the Pipster, and she spotted the stalker sisters new vehicle in the parking lot of a place where I had a coupon for... so we made ourselves at home with her friend as surprise guests for lunch today.... because we really are all stalkers at heart.

Today is Thursday

I am going to drive myself up the big big hill in the neighbouring city today, so I can see what the real atmosphere looks like. I'm on the hunt for big sky country. I need to find something with some colour, and although since the season here is "drab November", I'll take it. The weather people had promised end to this fog-bog on this day... I think I might see some pinkness in the sky .... or perhaps now I am just hallucinating. That would be more like it.

Well, since I can not add colour to my own foggy life.... I will go and wake the chicklets up for the second time around... but this time I will be singing to them.... some home made version of words strung together.... something special and colourful, like this one from the other day:

"OOOOOOhh, I'm a clicky clacker, and I'm looking for a cracker,
I don't seem I can find one, so that must mean I am done,
But I will keep on lookin, and my nails will keep on clackin,
because I am a clicky clacker, and all I want is a cracker."

Yes, true colour when life is a fog. This song was made up due to little miss frantic ellpee running back and forth, up and down the hallways... and her nails clack on the hardwood floor... she might have been looking for a cracker... but she is kind of stunned, so who knows what she was doing...... wish me luck... I must go and try a new song on the sleeping chicklets.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Life as a crow

I was motoring along today and saw a crow hop along someones driveway. He must have spotted something fairly exciting. His two little legs just hiphopped him over to his spot of interest. I watched him and wondered if he was in pain flitting along like that, or rather, that is just the way he walked. I thought to myself ... "why not fly crow.. FLY!!!"

Then I got to thinking about a crows life. Perhaps always flying as the crow flies isn't the absolute greatest. You can't taste life when you are free falling, or breezing through it. You can't witness the scenery, or find the good pieces of eats, smell the flowers, or spot another hot looking crow. It just doesn't work. Your eyes are always face front, feet up, wings out, forward, fly. Maybe a crows life isn't so free and easy as it seems. Unless of course you are high up in the tree tops having a drunken conversation with all of your crow buddies, and annoying the shit out of all the humans below you at 0542 in the morning...

The sameness of the day

Every week around this time of the morning we are doing the same thing. The girl has to put her spelling words in alphabetical order. And here we sit at the kitchen table writing out her words. She has advanced immensely since the beginning of grade 3. At first she would not attempt her alphabetical order, on her own accord, and now she happily sits with her spelling list in front of her. Included in this attempt would be the assumption that I have to bring her the lined paper, and the sharpened pencil and a housecoat to keep her warm, and this happens everyweek. I don't mind.. I like to watch her little hands splay out across the paper, and the intense concentration spread across her face, and seeing her blond head of hair bobble and bounce as she attempts to figure out how many syllables are in each of her words. Each week it is the same, and each week I give her the same answer... "did your head bobble once, or did it bobble twice?"... and then I get to watch her head of hair bobble and bounce again.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Hydrangea head

I have just come in from the great fog-outdoors. I managed to see what I was doing besides all the fog. I altered the list a bit. I decided that I wasn't going to fight with extension cords, and hedge trimmers and bicycles... I had a better idea. I wasn't going to trim the hedge. I would venture to guess a very smart move.. except that I grabbed my brand new fiskars and headed out back... where I needed to trim a billion bushes, which is exactly what I did. As I was fiskaring along I decided that the hydrangeas were just too big, so I chopped them back, and I cut up all the branchs into 3 inch long pieces. Now the only thing that I smell are hydrangeas... it is stuck in my head. And now that I have the smell stuck in my head, I cut off a bunch of still flowering heads, and have left them to be pretty and stuff undercover in the great fog-outdoors.

My hair colour is still the same, I didn't get to that... except somehow along the way I turned into a hydrangea head.

Where do I go from here?

This is no love's a list story. I know why I can't remember anything.. it's only becuase my list is so long, that I forgot what I even started with.

The things I want to acomplish today:

  1. Get up - check
  2. Get children to school on time - check
  3. Find my walking buddy - check
  4. Walk to the coffee place - check
  5. OOPPS - found some people to have coffee with - (over extended time) -
  6. Walked home - check
  7. The typical daily things, laundry & dishes, and tidying. - in the process of checking
  8. Rake the rest of the leaves out front
  9. Trim one hedge out front
  10. Plant tulips out front
  11. Sweep driveway to remove rocks
  12. clean back deck
  13. clean out gutters
  14. clean off other back deck
  15. rake back lawn
  16. put patio chairs away
  17. find a place to put patio chairs first
  18. clean out side garden bed
  19. colour my hair
  20. find staples for refridgerator
  21. do all of this in now less than 4 hours

It's a race against time... I have to remember all this stuff before I forget, in the allotted 4 hour time span. None of this can wait till tomorrow...or the next day or the next day or the next day... I'm all booked, brain included.

Monday, November 21, 2005

eeewwweee, that's yuck...

But oh, that's nice.

I like to be reminded of things, many things... things that make my hair defrizz, and a nice memory pop into my mind. Such as last night, or more like this morning.....

Mr. Husbandman cruised down the hallway this morning wearing his workboots. He doesn't do that very often, because they are work boots, and they do working things, like not walking around the house.. well, with the exception of passing along pertinent information, or more recently he uses them to walk around "the office". He let me know that the silly dog had had an accident in the night.. and to watch little Miss Ellpee. Ok, ewe, that's yuck...

But oh, that's nice.....

I didn't have to witness the yuck event, although it brought back a wonderful image of how different our now almost long deceased dog Cicely (a.k.a. evil queen) was compared to our lovely silly dingbatted Ellpee. It broke me up into laughter really. Cicely would never have gone to the bathroom in the house, had we been in the house to let her out... let me take you back a day or year or two......

Once upon a time, deep into the night, Cicely decided she needed out. (She quite often decided she needed out, and it wasn't exactly that she needed to go out and perform some function, but rather she just wanted out because she knew we would let her out.... or would we?) She waltzed over to the husbandmans side of the bed, and kicked up his hand with her nose. He didn't budge......and I saw it back then, and remember now... it was a bastardly non-budgeworthy event... he kind of swooshed her away, so the lovely Cicely would make her way to my side of the bed. I told her in no uncertain terms was I getting up, and letting her out.... she would have to go and talk to him. So she did. She turned around and made her way back to his side of the bed, and hrrummphed at him. There was no response by the husbandman. She nudged his hand again, and hrrumphed, and then batted him with her paw. Clearly the husbandman was dead, to the world. I liked the part when she jumped on him, and then proceeded to lick his face, and he never moved. I watched this go on for a while, then decided that I had to say something. I spoke to the lovely evil queen first, and asked her if this is what she is thinking right now.. had she been able to speak: "You dirty rotten bastard, you pretend to sleep while my bladder is close to bursting, and I need a breathe of freshair after all your snoring... I should just piss all over your disgusting carpet..... hmnmmmmph... " Both Cicely and I left the bedroom, and I let her out.... in the knick of time. I watched her scamper across the ugly cement deck patio, to a favourite spot in the lawn, where she proceeded to quickly lay down, next to her ball and stare back at me.... in the middle of the night. I asked her if she needed to go pee, which is when she got up, and trotted back into the house. She didn't need to go outside to pee, she just wanted to go outside for a breathe of fresh air. One more reason why we nick-named her evil queen... she was very good at playing evil tricks on us.

I crept back into the bed... of course being my normal self... at a temperature sub-optimal for sustaining life.... which then took me forever to warm up, and an eternity to back to sleep. I never said a word to the ever so silent sleeper husbandman. The next morning when the sun rose, and the world was right again... I said to Mr. Workaholic. "If you ever pull that deep-sleeping shit on me again, I will pour a bucket of ice water in a place where only you will know the pain!!!!". .... He just smiled and said the worst part was when Cicely would not stop licking his face in the middle of the night, it took all he could not to laugh and push her off.

And now there's a foghorn in my head

I have had a very trying last number of days. I have been trying desperately to remember to take my smart pills. I am waiting for the moment when everything starts to click, and I get to have my brain back. I dumped a number of smart pills in a baggie, and flew to work this weekend. First on the Saturday I left the smartpills in the car, well, I forgot them really. Then on the Sunday I took one in the morning, and then thought that I had left them in the car, when I had really actually stashed them in the side pocket of my bag.

It hasn't helped that there is a blanket of fog sitting so thick amongst us, that everybody is living in a fog. The very fog that I am desperately tring to escape. I am not sure if I chucked a couple of fog pills around my travels if it would magically lift the fog, or not. In the meantime I will now carry the bottle around with me, that way the sound of the smartpills against the plastic container will remind me to do something... if I remember.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Come out, come out....

where ever you are....

We have a crybaby german shepherd dog that insists on behaving like a crybaby. It doesn't matter what we do with her, she's a crybaby. The family unit decided to go for a drive last night, in the wonderful fog filled land of the lower mainland... to see what exactly I do not know, although I know that the fog downtown looks the same as the fog down the street. It wasn't that exciting... except that we got to see some nightlife alive and well roaming around the streets on a Saturday night. We brought the crybaby dog with us, because we didn't want to leave her at home. I am not sure if it made a difference, she sat in the back of the 15 year old SUV, with her head down, basically sleeping the whole way. She would have done the same thing had we left her at home, alone, with the stereo on. There is one bonus to the crybaby's outing lastnight... I now have an empty space in the back of the 15 year old SUV .... that is junkless, paperless, waterless, boxless and bookless. It's very empty...and now has room for the little dog that kept herself hidden in the corner.
All That Matters, by Wayson Choy
I finished this the other day, although I have just found myself here now.

IN, under 2 hours.

This is what the Fussydolls planner has told me every day:

Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.

Fussy, what science report do you have?
"I don't know mama, I think I have to draw pictures of sunflowers", says she.

Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.

Fussy, where is your science duotang?
"I don't know mama, I think I lost it", says she.

Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.
Science report due November 21st.

Fussy, are you working on your science report at school?
"I don't know mama, I think my science duotang is at home", says she.

I bring you now to November 20th.... Sunday afternoon 4:30 PM. "Alright", I say to the three adult woman at my mother's home, " which one of you are going to help me throw together a science report about god knows what, in record time, with very little effort...?.... don't all speak at once..." I ask.

You have to love the "New Book of Knowledge" encyclopedias from the 1970's. They are so informative. As I know it, gardening is gardening is gardening... and although I could have hopped on the internet to find out a crash course in factual gardening, the New Book of Knowledge spelled it all out in 5 easy steps. Well, included in that factual information was some insight from none other than Bill Vanderzalm.... and there you have it... the science report. I photocopied pictures for the Fussydoll to colour, and then I read to her factual information, and then told her to tell me what I just read to her... and I typed out what she all happened in under 2 hours... and the "Science report due November 21st" is no longer a strain on my brain.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Check, Check, Check.

I had to make a list of duties to do today... and checked them off in my head one by one. It's now the end of the day, and I have a whole list of checkmarks wondering through my brain... and it will start all over again tomorrow, well, that is if I wake up on time....

I wish I was on time earlier this evening... because as far as I know, scrapbooking started way earlier for the Debbies, than it did for me. I even managed to get one page accomplished. Freaking goddamned embelishments, I hate them.... they are far too time consuming... I'm still very much into my cut, colour, slap and slam routine (slap=paste). It goes quite well for me, and I manage to get a lot accomplished, unlike tonight. Perhaps I am out of touch with the scrapbooking routine, or I should arrive at around noonish...(but I am not sure when I should begin the drinking festivities, or pick the children up from school). I'll feel better next time, I am hoping.

In other checkmarks from the day: The boy has been practicing his piano quite faithfully... especially with his evil eye browed mother slipping in slide glances every three seconds. He is doing very well, now that he practices. See, mean moms get results! I look forward to tomorrows torture fest for my sweet and lovely hamsterson.

The Pippy has a printing book, and I can say it has been a major major conquest... and apparently overnight, she has stopped flipping her letters. She now writes soley in the English language. I can only imagine the stories she could have told had she been made to learn Arabic.

I believe my library books are due back.. and I have to finish the last 80 pages of my book. It's an interesting story, and I tried to read it earlier, but one of the mothers at TKD insisted on talking to me. She told me hates children, I told her I hate children, which is true I do, sometimes and for certain reasons, but that is where I tried to leave it. Well, I hate evil children, or bossy children, or rude children, or exceptionally sickenly sweet children, or manipulative children. Anyways... exactly my point... I couldn't read... because she just kept going on and on about children... and I was busily thinking in my head... I hate children haters mothers... I really do.

As I check the time now, it's closing in on midnight, and the list for tomorrow is growing, and if I don't skidaddle off to someplace horizontal, I will miss tomorrow altogether.

When the going gets tough

The tough go sleeping?... Is that the way it goes?

I was having the most MOST bizarrest of dreams this morning...and I believe I forgot to wake up, until I couldn't take the stupidest dream ever (it's that impatient thing that takes over) and my eyes pinged open... then I saw that the clock read 8:17. Hot freaking damn! I immediately did a door check... (the chicklets).... and found that the Pipster's was open... Ok, that is a good start. I didn't realize how much of good start that was.... and now the world must know, the truth be told, the facts will astound you... as they astounded me. I found Pipster sitting at the computer, eating a breakfast bar, dressed for the day in her lavender flowered skirt, and matching shirt....and wait for it.... she even had her socks on. Un-freaking-believable! On this very morning.. it seemed to good to be true...even if it was a one shot deal of the week that stumbled upon me, then I will take it with extreme satisfaction. We did manage to make it to school before the 09:00 bell rang... it was a truely amazing record.. and it didn't even involved any form of hysterics by any of the humans this morning.

This has all been documented so that in future years, people know we were normal on some days.... and what a good feeling that is!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Holy fish cakes.

I just got back from the great grocery shop. I missed the big ticket coupon event last weekend, so today I used my measly "4x" the airmiles deal. I am not certain if the day will come when these airmiles will actually amount to anything.... but I am collecting until that day of realization comes... just in case.

I forgot to take my omega 3-6-9 smart pills already I am already slipping in the bright department. Although now that I am actually thinking of it... I will find the bottle and down a few.... and hopefully I will be back to regular smartness momentarily.

In other non-smart things:

The resizing of the wedding ring is totally wrong... now I am walking around with a piece of tape wrapped around the bottom of it. Mr. Husbandman laughed and shook his head when the Pipster showed him the changes that had been made to the almost 15 year old (on the finger) ring. Little lady Pip loved it so, and asked when there would be a matching one on the other hand.... she is a smart little cookie... she knows that one day she will have them, so she better just start asking for more..... my Pip.

In other smartish things:

The Boy has lost his PS2 again... I am almost thinking that this time it is for good. For real, for good. I took it away from him last week when he announced that he failed to study for a French Exam..... because he forgot. ( I know I have memory issues.... but he's just 10, and shouldn't be quite as stupid as me... at least not yet ) Now that the PS2 is gone again... he can concentrate on his other things that he does in his big 10 year old life. One of the main things he is working on is listening, and following directions from humans. Hopefully he will find a good connection.... soon.

The people that employ Mr. Husbandman have realized once again how he is Mr. Versatile. The Husbandman tried to strike a deal to get out of doing his "office boy job"... but now they like him in there..... except for the "office boy" himself. So now he is wearing his work boots back at work... in the event that someone gets to leave the office to go to a jobsite... and is worksite worthy. When the call comes in, all they will see are burning footprints and squealing tires.... poor Mr. Officeboy.

OH, and the real reason I started writing.... I had to go and buy some food that wasn't prepared in 13 different vats of saturated fat. Mr. Husbandman brought home some fish last evening... as he well knew that the Pipster would absolutely love... I looked at the fat content of the one piece of fish and had a bird because of the fish. OMG.... 24 grams of fat in 1 piece..... oh yes,.... give me two! I don't think so.

So, as of now, I have a couple chunks of salmon defrosting in the bags on the floor where I left them... so must be off!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

The office boy... again.

The office boy tried to make a break from the office. He put on his workboots which officially meant he was done being "The Office Boy"... but nobody noticed. Even the guy that is the official office boy ignored the husbandman pleas to be released from his office boy duties. I saw him try again this morning, as the workboots went on. I believe he has schemed a new plan to undo his office boy duties... we shall see.

The Tuesday Report:

It is not apparent yet... but I am clearly going to be smarter by the end of the day. I just know it. I stopped by the friendly vitamin palace and started talking to a girl representing Dr. Weill... but I wasn't interested in his new book.. at least not this point in time I was only interested in getting smart. Real quick. Now on top of remembering to take my vitamins.. now I need to take 3 additional smart pills a day. Good luck to me... I hope I remember.

In other things:

I picked up my brand new remodeled wedding ring today. I will show it off to those that are in the need to see new shiny things... but the people that work extra hard for a living, and do not care to buy their wife shiny things, and 10 year rings need not to know. I am not certain how long I can keep it from the husbandman... he may notice that I am wearing my ring again... he might even notice that I added a couple extra sparklers to it... The girl at the jewelry store came clean with me today. She told me that she has never ever needed to wear a pair of depends ever... until the day I came in the store, and then her ears to became witness to my saga of the the wedding ring that shrunk.....I told her I would be bringing in my stalker sister to have her wedding ring redone... I just didn't give her a day. I hope she's prepared when the two of us show up.

And finally.... my friend who has lived through the longest pregnancy ever... is just about to have her baby today. It reminds me of that movie with Desi Arnez, and Lucille Ball, in the Long long long long trailer. I do not remember the movie exactly, it's more the title that excites me. Well today is the day that my friend with the longest pregnancy on record, but within a 40 week time period is going to deliver. I can tell that today is the day... because she has become the stupidest that I have ever known her. All along this crazy chick was terrified of delivering at home (her body was extra efficient in delivering her baby boy, and at that time the Doc said "don't be across a bridge if you decide to have a baby again... and guess where she lives....))... and her final comment to me today, as she sat through really bad cramps one by one... "I think I will wait a while before I go to the hospital". I told her that the longest pregnancy ever had finally gotten to her... she was now officially stupid. As I hung up on her, I told her that she had someplace to be right now, and it wasn't talking on the phone to me any longer.

I know all this... because I am extra smart due to the fact that I have taken Omega 3-6-9

Monday, November 14, 2005

oh no....

Don't stick around, things are bad here. Bad in the sense of humour, that's all.

How many times does it take to boil a kettle? So far I am working on four times, and I still haven't accomplished a hot cup of anything yet.

After this weekends massive headache attack, I have been left mortally stupid, and beyond. I feel like a chunk of my brain has crystalized, the part that holds the key to numbers and name recall is gone. I am thinking that no amount of double alphabetized vitamins are going to be the magic solution to my brain issues.

My haircut non-haircut has turned high maintenance. Everyday since Thursday when the haircut non-chaircut happened I have a new head of hair doing weird things each and every morning. It is quite similar to rocket science trying to figure out what to do with it... other than making it fly, it does that nicely on it's own. I'll go call NASA now.

And the latest of late night headlines go to the dog. Little Miss Ellpee has gone silent. Mr. Husbandman has done a fine job of clicking off her clicky nails, and trimming the fur that makes her skiddish, not to confuse you by her silly self still being skittish... we can't just trim that part of her away. As usual the whole time he was clicking and cutting, she thought she was lying on her deathbed. The manicured Ellpster is now busy napping before her allnight basket sleep-a-thon.

Happy Monday

It's a lovely sunny Monday morning. All Monday mornings are lovely and sunny... right? I think the weather was bored with itself even, and finally gave itself a break. Although the weather could have thought about this a bit earlier than last night...

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Input and Output

I have had a rather wordless week on the output side of things. I did manage to finish a completely boring book, and then a not so boring book. At the moment I am reading an interesting book.... FINALLY! In other things that make my life whole:

The stalker sister called me yesterday, just as I was about to leave work... and asked if I could do her a favour..... as in "how was your day, and how much do you like my children?". Her lovely babysitter girl was a no-show. It should be noted that our superson is one up on his parents... as in "Can you shut the den door?".... his response..."If I am going deaf, you have to go deaf with me...the screams have to get out somehow".

And so.... times ticking, so are the library deadlines.

Saturday, November 12, 2005


I believe it has quit raining out.... just long enough for people to wring themselves out and maybe dry off... only maybe though. Here's a list so far of what I have accomplished:
  1. I managed to make it to work.
  2. I manged to eat 6 extra strength tylenol before 12:00, I only started taking them at 07:00
  3. I managed to smile while I was at work.
  4. I managed to destroy my headache before the 1:00 hour.
  5. I managed to find my sense of humour while at work.

This list is more than I have managed to do since Thursday evening. It only gets better from here.

Friday, November 11, 2005

A Million Little Pieces, by James Frey

Not something that I may have read, but I believe that I managed to learn something from it, and not the whole bit on the bulk of the story, recovery & rehab.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

A Complicated Kindness, by Miriam Toews.

I am not sure who Heather is up there... but it certainly didn't make Deanna's picks...

The drive thru diet.

That is what we are on currently. It has come to my immediate attention that I have to be very attentive in dealing with the drivethru difficulties that arise due to not having a working drivers window. We can not do the drive thru at the moment, due to the fact that something has happened to the motor/switch on the driver's side window. This causes great troubles with the whole drive thru thing that sometimes occurs. ... and it only occurs when we are on the fly. Well, it happens a lot when I need a morning fix of coffee, and need to be someplace at almost the same time. This could all be cured if I would do one of two things. One, stop drinking coffee, or two: take a moment to figure out if the "at home" coffee maker really is broken. I am sensing that it is, although it hasn't outright told me so. The husbandman does not know either, since he is on his usual coffeeless weekends, and does not require such an item any longer. So, for this weekends adventure I am going to present to Mr. Husbandman hungry children, three places to be at once, and suggest a drive thru of his choice. The driver window non working thing will start his mind buzzing, and he will hurridly hunt through the SUV's vehicle manual and perhaps go someplace to find a part to rectify the driver's window problem. In the meantime, I'll keep greeting the drive thru wicket people with open doors....

The office boy.

The Mr. Husbandman had hurt his back a number of weeks ago. In an attempt to continue on with his workday he traded a guy that worked in the "office", for a spot out on the road.. doing the windowish things that they do. This makes me think of a conversation that me and the Mr. Husbandman had many moons ago... which was something along the lines of "he could never work within four walls ever"... "he would go nuts". I have spent time observing him over the past couple of weeks, and he isn't busy running from room to room, nor hiding peanuts around the home so far. So every morning, being the kind of loving wife that I really try to be (minus the whole cooking thing) I smile and wave and wish him a nice day at work.... "OFFICE BOY!"

Monday, November 07, 2005


I should be furiously gathering jokes, and stories, and programs to accomplish as of this very moment. Although at the moment my interest is looking out the window at this huge huge huge cummlus cloud that is going on, at least I think it's a cummulus cloud. It has fluffy edges and looks like a piece of non-buttered popcorn. I might need to go and take a picture of it. Along with that thought is the notion that I have to get to my group, which I have now cancelled... just in case a noncanceller infiltrator has made an appearance. ... my cloud is leaving....

Sunday, November 06, 2005

In other useless thoughts...

I missed about three thousand different picture opportunities on the way home this afternoon, no make it five thousand. I had the bright skies behind me, and the black clouds before me, and a rainbow above me. I think I should have gone to the casino, I might have found some luck. I know there is a pot of gold sitting there.... I just wish it had my name on it.

Continuing with Mrs. Nice!!

That is a difficult task. How can I be Mrs Nice on a Friday, and then continue into a Sunday pretending to be Mrs. Nice. I am deeply troubled by my ineptness. Starting now, I will no longer be Mrs. Nice. .... so, I will finish the very last drop of the Mr. Husbandmans glass of red wine.... while he isn't looking, because he is busy cleaning the kitchen, after the wonderful Sunday dinner he has just made....

Wait a minute... he beat me to it.

Now there's real trouble.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Mrs. Nice

Yesterday I drove to the Salmon Hatchery for a field trip with the Big Grade 5er's. That thought takes me back to a number of years ago when myself and a friend drove a great long ways out of the way of the actual field trip. We agreed that we would not follow one another for this field trip. Although this field trip was basically down the street, and a right turn away... my friend and I were worried we could screw that up and we would be having a tour of a Tim Hortons coffee shop, rather than the intended fish hatchery.

All was well, we made it.. in the most pouringest of rain. I did not fear, I brought my umbrella. And so did another kid, but it's a shame that he didn't quite know what to do with it. While in the parking lot at the school, the three boys that I was driving wouldn't enter the vehicle because the unbrella holder wasn't sure how to get the umbrella in. After I hissed at the little imps to OPEN THE DOOR! they managed to enter the vehicle, except for the kid with the umbrella...he continued to stand in the pouring rain, waiting until someone took the umbrella from him. "Hand the umbrella to the boy in the backseat" I hissed.

WE made it to our destination in 2 1/2 minutes flat, and the boys piled out. The three of them stood on the roadside, in the pouring rain, waiting for me to stash my junk in the back of the 15 year old SUV. Umbrella boy tapped his umbrella impatiently... all three of them got soaked. Off we marched for the field trip.

During the field trip I saw the umbrella boy's umbrella attached to the Chicken Farmers Wife hand, and I asked her why she had it. "Umbrella boy didn't know what to do with it" she said. Hmmmm.

After a very interesting trip to the fish hatchery, and one fish dissection later, we were ready to head back to the school, for the 2 1/2 minute journey back. All was well, until I unlocked the doors, and tried to get umbrella boy back in. "Hey.. Hey... he starts to yell at me, "you have to get my umbrella down!". I being Mrs. Nice and all walked him through the task of taking down an umbrella and then entering the vehicle. It turned out to be a bigger fieldtrip for umbrella boy in the lessons of life.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

In the nick of time...

I guestimated that I would be finished the stalker sisters scarf tonight, before eleven oclock. I started it yesterday in a parking lot while waiting for the Pipsters class to be done doing whatever fieldtrip they were doing. It's a good thing that the marathon TV night was this evening, (survivor, CSI, ER) I managed to cast off before the credits. Although I had to take a couple moments when the little chimp died in ER... I am worried for my soul when every Thursday at 0905 there's a dead person on CSI, and I don't believe I weep for them...except I can drop a couple dozen tears for a plastic chimp, oh brother.

Anyways, the stalker sister should be happy with her new funny fur scarf.. and I wont even tell her that I dropped a stitch in the process. Well I actually dropped two... but I was able to find one dropped stitch before it was too late, I didn't notice the first one until 20 rows later..... oooops, too late for that one. She'll never know.. unless one of her informants give her the details....

And now... back to the library deadlines....

I have checked the calendar...

I am hoping for some clear weather in the next coming weeks. Luckily I had a window of opportunity yesterday and jumped on the chance to get outside and clean up the pumpkin madness festivities... well, all except for the big bat and big black spider that are still hanging from our house. Mr. Husbandman will not get kind words for those things still being up... in fact he gets a couple of choice non nice words about the fact that they are still up. The reason being... they are stapled to the house. I hate his FUCKING staple gun. It drives me nuts. I want to know how come a Mr. Meticulousineveryway insists on putting staples in his house? I tried to take the bat down yesterday... and part of it's wing ripped off... because it was stuck to a staple. I think I am going to hide his staple gun, or maybe just his staples... I'm not sure. At least he hasn't started asking where his 7 extra extension cords are... because I chucked a few of them away because they pissed me off a couple of weeks back, and I slammed the garbage can hard, because I hated them so!... and he doesn't even know.... but this isn't what I wanted to make mention of.....

I have had to double check the calendar so that I can fill my green waste container to the max over the next number of weeks .... otherwise I will have winter green waste infringing on spring waste, once the green waste rounds start up again in the spring. I will keep careful watch of the weather conditions so I can do my garden round up, inbetween knitting scarves for stalker sisters, and managed library book deadlines... yikes.

"It's the stalkers fault"

That is what I said to the Pip when she fell into the bleachers yesterday at gymnastics.

I somehow managed to score a seat at the top of the bleachers, which enables you to lean against the wall, and you get a view of your very own Olympic Gymnastics Princess. Well some are gymnists, and some are just like my Pip. Things could be worse:

I was just happily knitting up a storm while perched upon the top bleacher. Things were going well, I could see, I could lean, I could knit (as per the stalker sisters request). The only thing I couldn't do was keep a good eye on the Pip as she sat in front of me. I am not certain how it happened, due to the fact that I was furiously knitting... but this is what I recall from my birds eye view. I believe that the Pip decided to wait for her gymnastics and sat on the bleachers. I could see her blond head bobbling in the space in front of me... but somehow in a Pippish fashion, and three knits later... I see Pips feet high in the air, exactly where her head should have been. "WOA... Pip, what's going on down there?" I call down to her. The little lady gymnist Pipster had somehow managed not to give herself a brain injury as her hands are touching the ground beneath the bleachers, and her blond mass of hair was dangling above her. That was the exact moment that I looked up from my knitting to see her painted toes wiggling about in the air. Luckily, a very attentive non-knitting spectator saved the Pip from further disaster and pulled her up from the depths of the bleachers. Lucky for Pip that some people don't come to the Olympic Gymnist gym with craft projects.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Someone like me..

Last evening the sister called and decided that we needed to do some useless tasks... (shock, gasp, slap!). I twinged a bit, but thought it was best that I did, afterall I wouldn't be showing my true faith to scrapbooking if I didn't at least go and help the poor stalker sister out, and besides... who knows what her wrath would have been otherwise. I knew that I would have to put down my books for the evening... because that thought was gone.

WE walked in the front doors of the CRAFTSTORE and immediately the stalker sister spots some "funny fur" and picks up a couple of balls and tells me to knit her a scarf. (She prefaced that announcement with the statement: You read too much, here, let's get you back on a knittying hobby). Not long after that the two of us were standing in the doorway discussing colours and amounts of funny fur, when two things happened.... someone called out my name, and I met someone like me.

Yes, it's Bizarre.

The person that was "somone like me" gave us directions as to the amount of funny fur to buy, and size of needles to use, said a couple of funny things to the two us of, and then wished the two of us luck, and walked away. I said to my stalker sister.... she was kind of funny.

Very shortly after that I met my "real life friend turned blog buddy because life is all too consuming" and talked with her for a few moments. I would link her, but finding the right button is complicated when I am scurrying through the morning routine.... sorry L.! Anyways... her life stories along with my life comments always make us end up in stitches..... she disappeared quickly because as usual she was throwing in tasks between tasks...

The stalker sister and I continued around the CRAFTSTORE... and found stuff. I was ever so happy because I managed to not fondle any item in the store or became attached to any item, therefore letting my sizzling Mastercard sit in my bright pink wallet.

We left and went to Pier One where the sister bought herself a birthday present with the gift card that I gave her birthday. She bought herself a nice gift, I have such nice taste! he he he

On the way back to the car a black jeep starts propelling itself around the parking lot and winds up right next to us. It's the woman like me from the CRAFTSTORE..... she is scrambling in her jeep to get something and tells us in the same breath that she isn't a stalker but she needs to show us her scarves and pulls out her needles to show us. Right there in the shadows of the parking lot were three scarves that were in the making perched upon her needles. She was quite excited to tell us all about her adventures in knitting. This is when I realized that I had just met someone just like me.... well, of course with the exception that she claims not to be a stalker, and that name is reserved the sister as well...... but seeing that we are related, it all seems to go. I of course then had to tell the woman the name of my sister.. as in stalker sister... that sent the woman into fits of laughter.. . and away she went, buzzing along in her black jeep with balls of funny fur attached to her 8 mm knitting needles.

I asked my stalker sister how long it would take for me to turn into that woman... and the stalker sister told me: "You are already there".

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Some things just scare me...

Like the guy that was travelling along the side of the highway, walking on top of the cement median/divider. Mind you we used to lead our lovely but evil german shepherd Cicely... she marched proudly on top of the cement divider.... conquering the wall that divided the ditch that ran along the other side, or (at the time) a quiet roadway. We didn't ask her to do it... she marched herself up the oneside, and down the other. It would have been a scarey sight had she decided to march herself on top of the cement divider along the highway ..... perhaps this person I saw today was a dog in another life.

Other scary moments:....

While at the dentist, things were running along smoothly. But somewhere along the way the gloves were removed, and then the fine (???) dentist moved from my mouth, to another consult, then back to my mouth. I never heard the gloves snap, or the taps turned once. I am wondering if I should really be afraid, or just remain paranoid.

I asked the Pip to clean up her room. Actually this doesn'tqualify as scarey, this is what nightmares are made of.

I thought that the Mastercard people were going to deny my card... it made some bold purchases today... and the plastic trackers might have thought that my card could have sprung a leak somewhere.

I have come to the conclusion that I should have some form of organizer for my scrapbooking supplies. The purple boxes are not going to cut the amounts of supplies that I have gathered. The larger scary thought is , I have not been doing some regular scrapbooking.. so I am having a build up of supplies... which sometimes is the same thing that my husband complains about, except he doesn't scrapbook.

Aaaaahhh. .. November 1st

The start of the Christmas season. I barely have my pumpkins in my composter and my bats and spiders folded... and now I must start hunting for the prettiest of christmas cards.

And there are other things:

Since there is a change in time, it is certain that all things must change. There is that temporary annoyance that breakfast consists of candy. Some people have coffee, some take tea, some add loads of sugar to their hot beverages ... or some people (long blond hair, silly, and in grade 3....) just decide to bulk up on the sugar content, and get it over with for the day. It's not a bad deal, all the cravings are dealt with before 8 o'clock in the morning. Which now leaves me in the position of fixing the crash that will happen at 10:30... while I am not around.

November is the month which doesn't really exist to me either, it's almost like a magical dissapearing month. Oh the days happen as they normally do... but I tell you ... I will be writing the same story this time next month... and I will be wondering what happened to the month of November. I will refer to this blog... and be frightened by the blank, blank, blank.. on the entries.

I best go get the girls meaty hands away from her candy bag... or she will be able to fly herself to school. I do not fear... once her candy is gone, it's gone. I won't have to worry about it any longer... well, her brother might fear her.. but at least I wont! HA!