Wednesday, May 30, 2007

New boy alert.. new boy alert....

That boy of mine changed today.


The braces came off, a faux hawk was replaced by the LONG obnoxious looking hair, and... we bought him some SKATE shoes.. instead of runners.

I wont know who to wave at today when he comes sauntering along from school this afternoon.

In other things....

While I was waiting for the transformation to happen earlier to that boy of mine, I wondered over to the public library. It was an interesting feeling to sit at a chair, sip some coffee... ( yes, I realize I quit drinking coffee.... ) and read a gardening magazine. I was most impressed with myself!

But as I was walking back to the orthodontist office I was confused as to my maneuvers along the side walk... I was not certain if I was conducting myself accordingly. The issue here folks is the fact that ants line the sidewalks of the places of my "footfalls" ( I love that term...), anyways... in my home land (meaning my house) I am the resident ant annihilator, and yet when I was out walking I wished to spare the little lives of the cement sidewalk ants. AND this confused me people.. it really did. Should I just continue in my evil ways and kill the ants that cross my paths, or should I have mercy for them, as I have killed off their cousins in great masses. As I kind hearted soul that I am... I tried not stepping on the ants along my path. However, upon returning home.. I topped of the killer ant banquet in the tops of the water bottle lids to ensure continued successes with my current ant situation.

The day to day issues....

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Transiberian Orchestra

It's going to be a hot one our here today.. and what song am I listening to... something that reminds me of winter, with a hardrock attached to it.

In other things that should be summery.... I must go water my GRASS! It is very exciting to note that the grass is finally I must wait for my other HUGE section of new seeded grass to start.... that will make the front of the very boring house look a little better.

In ant news... I think we may be on to something here with the killer ant banquet. I hope worlds don't collide as we rid ourselves from probably the largest nest (including satellites) in all of little PoCo... although it's not so little from council meeting of 58,000 people living here. That may the amount of ants that I have destroyed in the last week. Feelings of guilt... ZERO!

On that note... I will listen to a little BB King with U2.... "when love comes to town"..... and migrate to the front yard with my hose...

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Hello Internet...

Yes Hi, can you send me a good joke please?

I have "the group" tomorrow... and I do not have any material. The sources have all but dried up, and I am left desperately looking at prunes like they are suddenly deliciously funny.

In other boring news that the world should know:

I was highly crazy at work this weekend... I especially liked it when I said to one woman:...

"In the time it has taken you to complain about gowning and gloving and picking up the isolation tray from the VRE room, you could have already had the job done, maybe you can do it now for me instead..."

She didn't speak to me for the rest of the afternoon.. (if I had only known it was this easy).

Included in the days highly crazy events:

I took a rickety old cloth cushioned and probably a sickly polluted chair out of an office today, and hid it downstairs in the basement at the hospital. It probably sounds like I have some psychotic issues.. which I more than likely do, but am not dealing with... but of course more importantly I was very sicked out with the "oldness" of this disgusting chair and all the bugs living in it. I am hoping that it is hidden away enough for people just to push it into some bin that takes things away to places where the bugs are worse than what is more than likely inhabiting it.

AND just incase my coworkers were really wondering if I had a problem....

My opposite person that I do not work with, but claims that I am highly weird all the same will have a "paper supplies" order dropped on her desk this week. She claims that I have issues with pens, and the fact that we need lots of them... to confirm her suspicions I ordered another 25 boxes....all for next week... when I will do it all over again.... just to keep her head shaking.

Well... now I must go to bed and wonder if my laughter yoga man is really going to show up tomorrow or not...

The PIP and I pee our pants.

Well chickster Pipster and myself headed down to the favourite place in the world for us. BEAR central... except there were no bears. RATS!

So that Pip and I were driving out of our most favourite place in the world when we spotted a pair of mallard ducks, we slowly crept up behind them, they were waddling along chit chatting to one another, both of them debating which was the best way to go.... I think it went something like this:

*** I translated for the PIP as we drove along watching them in a lovely contorted voice***

"Harold, follow me here.. this is the way we should go" Harriet says.

"Harriet dear, you are wrong, if you just follow me this way, this is the way we should go" says Harold.

"Harold, you are wrong, just waddle this way, I know the way, you know I know the way" Harriet continues.

"Harriet you are not the boss, just follow me ok Harriet" Harold pleads.

waddle waddle waddle.......................

"HAROLD! FLY HAROLD FLY" Harriet screeches as they take flight in front of the Indigo Blue Mazda5.

Now oddly enough, that PIP and I were in hysterics of laughter over what had just transpired in front of us. I believe it was a "had to be there" moment... but I was glad that I was with the PIP to enjoy it. This is what childhood memories are made of.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

feeding the birds.

I have spread grass seed all over the front lawn. I am sure that I am just a bird feeder now, when all I really wish for is a lush green lawn, with a couple hundred weeds thrown in for good measure.

I went back to the Home Depot to gather up more bags of mushroom manure. I just love that stuff!

My sister is completely disgusted with my garden. She and the Pip are in agreement with it's ugliness.... I maintain that it will soon be something to envied... kind of sort of.. maybe. One day, in the future, just not today.

I must go... I have to beat the birds in the morning, so that I have some grass seed left to grow grass.

Who's bricks are these?

There are some flat bricks sitting on a stump outside on our neighbours front lawn. I am wondering why there are there.... and so much so, that I am going to find out why they are there... because I want them! If I see the cranky lady that lives there I am going to ask her... I am going to get the courage to talk to her.. as she is fairly cranky looking all the time. I know I have my pissy cranky moments, and scare people some of the time... but this woman has the cake topper with the "all" the time award. I wont mention that to her when I ask her for the bricks mind you.

In other things that have put a smile on my face:

I was quite thrilled that Jordin Sparks won the American Idol award. I am not really sure what that means to win that, as the only other American Idol that I have ever watched was with Rubin Studdard, and last night was the first time I have ever seen him since the AI title.I have to say the duet that himself and Jordin did was brilliant! Maybe that will be his come back song, or not. Anyways... I am glad that the 17 year old very poised young lady won.

And bigger smiles:

I think the boy has the art of going to school down to fine science. He can manage to throw himself together, including showering and combing his hair all on his own, but not including making himself a lunch or a banana milkshake, BUT.. has mastered the art of leaving before 08:00 AM. We have four weeks of school left. If I can only get him to remember this skill come September. Maybe I will take a picture of him, and time stamp it... that way I will have proof that he is capable come the long winter months.


The ants are still partying it up with the "bait". Yes, it should scare me that there are that many ants that are still partaking in the banquet of death.

Reality check:

8:13.... the Pipster has not risen. This slumber party has now ended.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Pip is petrified.

The Pip came home just a bit earlier, and claimed that she is completely scared. She looked at the front yard, and the "new" front garden bed. She said that "this can't be it!" I gave her the bad news, "it" is "it!". I am most pleased with my NEW minuscule front garden. It is lovely and plain, and eventually when the husbandman does the big job on the front yard, we will change it a bit.. but for now... it is small, and unassuming.

Pip will have to remain petrified... Poor Pip.

In other things poor.....

I planted the lovely ant killing concoction out front today.. they had a banquet larger than the stars. I think I have a real ant problem, including the rest of this neighbourhood.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

It's official!

I now live in a matchbox.

The husbandman finished driving around the front yard and ripped out the shrubs yesterday. I now have a clean pallet to work with, and it's clean all right! Especially when you own a little white matchbox house that goes with that clean pallet.

I haven't got any plans for the front yard at the moment. I believe that I am dreaming up some ideas in my head, but for now, they are only in my head. I need to replant some greenery in the front as it is rather abysmal looking at the moment.. but good things will come, I am sure!

The King has told me of his plans that he wishes for the front of the home, but that will have to wait until next year, as this year he is slated for constant kitchen duty, beyond the cleaning and cooking kind.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

the long long weekend

It is an exciting event, the long weekend that is.

We have absolutely no plans, no expectations, no places to be, and no commitments to behold. What a pleasant notion!

There's groceries in the cupboards, the laundry is ALL done, the aged and ugly kitchen is clean, the lawns are mowed, the car is washed, even the PIP's room is in some semblance of order. I know I have loads of work still waiting for me, including a green waste run, and a dump run, but something even more important....

I will share a very exciting secret though..... brace yourself.

The husbandman is going to pull out the rest of the bushes from the front yard. OK, you can breathe now. This sudden excitement is all news to me.. as he announced it just moments ago.

I will go and take a before and after picture before he begins. I like this guy... as he was the one that wanted absoutely nothing to do with the front yard renovation thing. I guess that doesn't include the fence he built, then painted, and the three fence planters that he bought me for Mother's Day, when I asked him to buy nothing. He is so helpful at this "wanting nothing to do with the front yard reno thing".

Friday, May 18, 2007

The Elpster

The silly and crazy catdog made me laugh once again this morning.

If her life isn't exactly on schedule, or what she perceives as being on a schedule, her life for the day is ruined.

This happened to her last Friday when the husbandman and I just happened to be home together, at the same time, well at least for a while. She sensed something wasn't quite right, as the husbandman didn't pack up his glass belt, take his wallet, and his phone, put on his working shoes and leave for the day. That was it. She was a mess. She wouldn't eat her 0700 food preparation of the same kibble that she has eaten since last year. He shook both her paws as he had to call her from around the corner where she hides when you fill her bowl, which is once again, part of her routine. He gave her fresh water, as we always do when we feed her. NOPE, that wasn't good enough. There were two adults in the home at the same time, which to her was the wrong time. Finally by 4:06 in the afternoon she ate her breakfast. Exactly 54 minutes later she started her dinnertime frantics, and that would be to march around the house to attract some attention so that someone would look at the clock and realize that it was 5:00, and she was starving. I fed her at 5:00, which she promptly ate, and from that point was finally settled for the day.

This dog doesn't do "wrenches" in her day. It throws her for too big of a loop, and sends her into doggy hysteria.

As I was making the boys lunch this morning I was busily asking her that if I wasn't around for the day to make the boys lunch, that she would know exactly what to do. She sits and intently watches as I butter & mayo three slice of brown bread, then I carefully add the cheese, the ham and then the lettuce. The tip of her tail starts to wag furiously when the cheese and ham are unwrapped. I like the fact that she is quite polite about waiting for her bits and bites to come her way, she knows once she has had her cheese that treat time is over, and for one last horrah she pokes her faces in the fridge and just stands there not touching anything, taking in the sights and smells as her tail gently wags.

I did throw a wrench in her day when I decided to leave the sliding glass door open, so she could wonder around outside and be free. I couldn't believe it when I returned from taking the girl to school, that in fact the couch loving Elspter was still in the great big outdoors. I guess I should be wary of the skunk that is roaming around these parts, so I am living life on the dangerous side.

I am heading outdoors now. I must continue with my front yard reno. I have about three wheelbarrels full of excess dirt that I need to move around the yard. I guess the grass will be getting a dirt reno today, on top of a garden reno. I have to make some big gains today as the weather is about to stop cooperating with me and is supposed to be "maybe kinda sort of" rainy over the weekend. Normally I wouldn't care... but this weekend I am off.

I will quietly leave here and go and get the rope for the front yard.. where I wil tie our crazy Elspter to. She doesn't mind being tied to a tree, at least that way she can see out front, and doesn't have to freak out that she is in the backyard while I am in the front. She doesn panic the very second that I say "I will be right back, so don't go anywhere..." ( like she has a choice being tied to the pretty coloured leafed japanese plum tree that I dislike at all other times of the year, including the fall because the leaves are chincy and are hard to rake. ( I noticed tons of ants climbing it yesterday... perhaps they will eat it from the inside out, and my worries will be over!) But should this happen, and I get a replacement... they better look out if there are any attempts at a takeover... the rules will have changed by then.

First I must silently steal the keys... without Miss Worriwort hearing me...

Thursday, May 17, 2007

slip slip

To sum up the week so far.. I have done some good things, and some bad things.

Easiest first is the letter to the District Superintendent. I am puzzled why a man so clearly not capable of handling a school remains the administrator. It isn't any of my business why he is still there... but he is, and not a good one to say the least. I can't imagine that my language used in the letter will win any awards... like the fact that the school could be named "dullsville".

Onward and upward.....

I have been doing some mass cram & plant chore around this place. I have to say I don't think there is enough mushroom manure around these parts to keep me happy. I will have to obtain more for complete happiness to reign.

There is a little bird perched in a painted birdhouse on the crappy back deck. I must continue to stalk the little bird... he looks so cute peeking out of the hole.

The electrician is coming to our house to do some big work. This is thanks to me. Yes, it is. Well, the fact that he is coming to do work that is.. because I didn't know that work had to be done.. the husbandman figured that out long ago, I guess it was me all along that should have made the call, and not waited on the husbandman.

I backed down this morning when the PIP refused to walk to school. I cut her some slack since she was out of her bed at 8:41, and ready to leave by 8:47. This is included washing, dressing, grooming, and an extra polish of her knees since she was helping me to plant last night. Oddly enough she just wasn't thrilled about walking... it could have closely resembled sleep walking I think.

The boy asked me to save his PIVOT stickfigure story. All was well until I couldn't find it any longer, and when I did find it.. the program froze. I did manage to connect with my brain eventually and copied it onto a DVD. Lucky for him... more so ... lucky for me.

Well, the dentist chair is calling me.. well, I am not really hearing the dentist chair calling... it's just a place that I frequent... alot.

OH... and who was shocked that Melinda Doolittle was eliminated from American Idol. Actually, I am not heartbroken, as this was her big ticket to stardom for her, she appears a rather genuine soul.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Here... let me take this....

OK... holy crap.... life is much better after a glass of POTENT red wine.... and now I am making it TWO.

LU... I know you are proud of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Over the edge....

I have just written a totally psychotic note to the cell phone company. I was getting no where by swearing endlessly at the robot woman who wouldn't help me on the other end of my cell phone.

Life has gone suddenly bizarre.

Did I tell you about the skunk that was seen travelling between us and our neighbours?

Am I being heard?

So I wrote two complaint letters last night. Neither of them were well thought out masterpieces, but they were complaints all the same.

The first was to our city for the poor parade performance. I am still getting over that one.

The second was to the bigwig of school officials. I complained about our principal. He's completely inept, and that's on a good day.

Well.. now I have to call the cell phone company... all of my millions of minutes are gone. CRAP!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

This was a parade??

The big excitement around here are the Mayday festivities. It's a quaint little affair, which has the appeal of a small town effect.

I don't feel that excitement any longer.

My draw is the parade... I love the parade. The parade is just fun to watch, until today.

I need to understand something... just because we have a nutcake screwed up Mayor... does that mean that the parade takes on the same effect? I love to watch the Vancouver drill team.. (men on motorbikes!). They were not in attendance today.. my sister watched the blood drain from my face, I was close to death. The Mayday float couldn't really be seen as it drifted past us at the speed of light, with the pretty little flower girls all deeply hidden in the float, and the boys (lancers) doing practically a jog along the parade route. That lead to the people in golf carts almost taking out children in the streets, and asking that the legion people speed up in their walking capabilities. The guy in one of the trucks says to the parade people that they are going to give the walkers all heart attacks. No freaking kidding. Then I saw a gold cart lady almost crack into a girl doing a cartwheel. There were huge lapses between "floats", if you can even call them floats. I saw the "A & W" truck drive by with pink signs taped on either side of it boasting of "the special". "Mama burgers 2 for six bucks". That was it. The Shriners, who by all my experience with parades are always in attendance at parades were nowhere to be found today. There were two pipebands, one of which came from Mission. I didn't even know Mission had a pipeband! The regular "big" pipebands were also none existant.

It was simply embarressing. I got up and went to the dollar store to get miss high 10 year old maintenance some sun glasses, OK, it was sunny afterall, so she wasn't that high maintenance, but she became high maintenance when she stole the sunglasses off my face and I could no longer see. At least we parked ourselves on the sunny side of the street, at least we were warm!

I need to start my letter to the city..... oh where do I begin.....

double digits

That Pip of mine... double digits... where did the time go?
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Friday, May 11, 2007

One day turned into another

My days are too short. Especially in May. That is what I have decided.

I love the month of May. It is a hugely busy time for me, as everything that I wish to get accomplished must be accomplished in the shortest time possible.

I am currently moving hoards of dirt from my frontyard to my backyard. This is all being done as I disassemble my very ugly front yard garden. I have dug and flattened and spread and it doesn't seem like I have done much at all. It is one of those slowly and steadily kind of things.

So far the past two weeks have been hugely uneventful as I lead a fairly completely boring life, as I kind of sort of like.

  1. The PIP had a 10 year old birthday party. I think it turned out good. I have pictures of the festivities locked away in the computer.. I will eventually get to them.
  2. Ants invaded our lovely and new laundry room. I welcomed the invasion and fed them some lovely ant food... the stuff that kills nests and queens and little worker ants, all of course with the echo of "eat, eat my little pretties... eat" bellowing above their heads. They have now disappeared... until the next round.
  3. I called an electrician. Yes I did. That is the reason that the husbandman has stalled on the renovation project. All because he had to make a phone call. So, there has been no project because the husbandman can not pick up a telephone and dial. Last night as he read the newspaper I called the electrician again, and fortunately he answered... so then I handed the telephone over to the newspaper reading husbandman. Highly bizarre really, but now the non-project might take on some new light.
  4. I am very glad that American Idol is close to finishing, as well as Survivor. My television addictions will lesson after this week.
  5. On top of re-arranging the front and back yard I have had in the forefront of my mind... "we are at the risk of being flooded out". We live in a flood plain, and with the record snow packs that have occured over this past winter we are now living with the threat of floods. "They" have raised the dikes by four feet.. but I am only hoping that that will be the trick should the case arise. It's a bit worrisome that all the years of hard work, and mortgage payments could be lost in a moment of time.
  6. Yae... the Pip is going to school with the husbandman....and the freaky shaking silly catdog.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

This leads to that...

My friend the crazy daycare lady from two houses over called me up and left a message on my machine.... "Deanna... I saw a racoon walking along your roof... " Need I say more....

I eventually looked up info on the internet and called the wildlife people about our unexpected guests. After I talked the husbandman down from blaring the radio next to the box of growing babies... and coaxed him into a gentle volume.. mama took her babies and left the hiding space.

It's a good thing for crazy daycare ladies with good eyesight.
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Friday, May 04, 2007

She's back!

here is the garden girl... she is back. I retrieved her from the huge trellis mess of my DEAD jasmine plant. I did not know that the jasmine was not going to survive the winter outside. She has been brought back to life with a clean trellis, a fresh jasmine plant, and with the knowledge that I am going to wrap and double protect the plant after the summer season.
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Pip, pooch and pink

What almost 10 year olds do with cameras on their own.

When humans turn their backs, and do not close bedroom doors...

These are not chincy blooms!
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Retracting the FCUK.

Found the camera. The world is at peace again.

In other things monumental:

Little lady Pip will be 10 on Sunday. Both children are now double digits. Ten turns into teen which turns into twenty. I am very scary and old now. Life is even more scarey, even now with a camera once again... and it was pretty scary without it.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Double FCUK!

  1. Totally psychotic.
  2. Can't help it.
  3. Even vitamins.
  4. Dried clothes with some chocolate yesterday.
  5. Load of light coloured clothing.
  6. Looked like a diaper had exploded.
  7. 2 scoops of oxyclean, hot water and a scoop of laundry soap.
  8. Remember number 7, it's an important remedy to remember.
  9. Wish I could remember where my freaking camera is.
  10. It's lost. Really and seriously.
  11. Still psychotic, shit!