Burgundy brown.

That's my hair colour.

I washed it today .... the water ran pink.

I pay actually money for this, this is not a mistake ... I repeat .. NOT A MISTAKE. How the hell have I gone from "once upon a time" looking like Snow White ... to mother of the year in the hair styling department ... ?

This hair could win awards in the prettiest flower colour of fall ... I am the perfect PANSY colour !!

I spent the day hunting ... BIG time hunting ... not big game mind you ... HOWEVER .. it was a big game to try and find what EXACTLY I was looking for .. which is a knitting pattern! I want to knit a particular type of sweater jacket ... and it's taken me hours to LOOK for something that MIGHT be the best thing to put together ... !! Of course we have to keep in mind that I am a fairly amateur knitter ... so big projects have to be on the simpler playing field ... there's trade off's you know !!

And WEIGHING in heavily in "trying to not overthink shit" ... is this whole bullshit that I have happening inside my left chest ... WTF ... waiting for "the next test" to confirm what SHOULD NOT BE GOING ON ...

And now ... settling back to my next baddest boyfriend in town ... BOB ROSS !!!!

Are you FREAKING kidding me ...

I hate cancer. As anyone should. I really fucking hate it.

On my agenda this week: going to see the Lego Man ... for the start of the rebuild of the leg that is missing due to cancer ...

Then ...

Ring Ring ....

Hi this is Deanna ...

This is Dr. GP's office ... Dr GP would like to see you in follow up.....

Oh OK ...

Make the appointment .. The End.

Now I am left waiting to FIND OUT  what the fuck they found on the CT.

Mini breakdown ... fortunately a friend was here ...

Sue helped me through the mini meltdown.

THEN ... HI .. It's Dr Onccologist calling ... The CT Abdomen was clear ... except that they saw something on the left breast.

Ya ... but what about my NEW LEG that I am going to try on NEXT WEEK....  that is what my plans were ... those were my FREAKING plans ... not visiting the GP to deal with a new found suspicios something.

No Humour here today ..... other than ...

I got my hair coloured ... so now it's burgundy in flavour .... !! 

Hey Lady - over here!

So today I went for a CT Scan ... they had a pretty little look at my abdomen. Not that there is anything wrong with it, that I know of. Life will go to holy terrors of hell if it comes back that they have detected something.. as NOTHING should be living inside of me. Except for that gerbil, in my knee, when I am laying on my stomach, and bending my "little leg" up and down. What an UGLY feeling that is ... hence why I say I have a gerbil living in me ..

So that CT Scan dye is pretty awesomely cool ... and I did not notice "this" before as the dye flushes through your system ... and it crazily flushes ... then, just when you think you have been "scanned" into success .. your eyebrows slowly raise ... and now you are left feeling like you have peed your pants. Yes ... and then you lay on the table and think to yourself ... I really didn't pee my pants right ? The overwhelming flushing didn't wreck the boundaries of my bladder right ... ?

Fortunately ... all was well ... in the peeing of the pants department ... double PHEW!!!

And then, because adventures just get better and better ... I went to the MEAT store! Probably at this point, someone would be excited to go into the meat store. I was excited to GO to the meat store, not actually BUY anything at the meat store. Hence why the very hyped-up meat selling cow jockies kept calling out : "hey .. I can help you over here !" .... I turned them down ... four times.  I have a feeling that they have never been so happy to see someone leave their premises .... the one legged hopper with the walker left with nothing ... interesting ... I don't like meat. Except for bacon. Bacon is my friend ... and bacon (for me) is a completely edible interesting flavoured vegetable. For real.... so don't you faithful readers be "hey lady - over here" ... trying to point at me that it is ANYTHING different!

All the wrong ways! ~ sort of

Check out the eyebulbs on this crazy character. He knows 10,000 times over where he is NOT supposed to be ... so he quickly, and quietly tucks himself in, and immediately starts the sleeping process. He knows that as long as he sleeps stealthily, this not so stealth in the "kicking him out" department will leave him where he is. 

So many rules ... forever changing ... 

ON yesterdays life adventures ... 

I paid actual real live money to go sit in a gym, and scrapbook. Crazy ... ! or not !! I LOVED IT!! 

Life is a changing ... I can feel it in the winds. Well, I can see that life has changed .. cause this little guy stands at three times the height, doesn't wear fleecy jammies, we don't own linoleum from the 1970's any longer, and that wood paneling is gone. AND the "wild west" CD, is long, and wild gone!! This little Bobe-dee sang along to "rawhide" .. and stomped up his feet .. and gee ODD, was a performer at this tiny of an age!!  All the worry and unknowns about raising children right ... "what will they become" ....well  at this very moment .. the boyson is currently reading a book about the first world war, which involved elephants. For real. That's what he has become ... a huge history LOVING, piano playing, song writing musician. Wowser mowsers ...this is definitely something that ISN'T the wrong way!

And ... moving on.

So I think it was about this time last year that the final confirmation came in about this foot. It was around this time last year that I was looking forward to January ... I wanted to skip the fricken December month, and move straight on into January. The Truth. How odd, no?

ANNND ... here we are almost a year of waiting ... but now for different things !! GAWD.

Life around here can be at times a bit montonous ... although .. I have to admit .. I have had good opportunity to "chill" ... for an extended period of time. In fact, unbeknownst to you, (ever so avid reader), I probably have stolen some of your "chill time" ... by pure osmosis.

Feeling ripped off now a little, I'm guessing ... ?

I know right !?

So I was doing a little contemplating this morning ... what the hell happens when I have obligations forced upon me ... what the hell am I going to do then .. ? Now that I have stolen most of mankinds "chill time" ... because .. in reality .. I have turned into a professional at it.

I will admittedly say ... that pretty much from morning till night, I am busy. Busy somehow. Busy being not really busy, but busy. Engaged. Doing something. Professional hour filler. Hand me your boredom, and I will fill your plate with "something".

This "chill time" could accurately be described as a prison sentence, ... and the days out, are escorted day passes. How lovely of a thought process. As I do not required electronic monitoring ... cutting off the leg managed that little problem. In the meantime .. I am exactly that ... an excited furry creatured beast ready to hit the road for any kind of car ride that will come for me!

Well in things way more exciting:

So I have had the opportunity to go scrapbooking for the day tomorrow. I have KNOWN about it for months upon months, and yes, upon months. Guess who is not ready? I mean really ... not ready ... that would be ME ... shit! I have contemplated my DAY LONG project ... and have come up with NOT MUCH !!! I have ideas upon ideas roaming in my brain ... and I have YET to get things organized ... so that will happen, post blog post. Trust me ... I am a professional ... !! Laughable ... 

And in other things that are weighing on my mind that I wish to divulge at this time ... so the leg is about an "eencie-weencie" amount worth of healing to go on .. and this bitch leg is DONE! done done done done done ... and done. It will be ready for the next phase of leg-less-ness ... and that is LEGNESSNESS .... hopefully I can be scanned ... and let the designing begin. MUCH to most readers grand disappointments ... I am going with a regular boring run of the mill leg ... one that pops on, and gets me places. This crazy woman does not require a STATEMENT of intactness ... meaning that I do not need designs & tattoos and flourescent colours screaming at me that I have a story .. christ ... everyone has a story ... EVERYONE ... mine, like EVERYONE's doesn't need to be plastered across the world stage for all those to wonder ... so pretty excited about THIS PHASE. I can't say that I was feeling this level of excitement LAST year at this time ... and now moving onnnnnnn .... 

Seriously Santa

So ... while I was cleaning out one of my cupboards a number of weeks ago .. I found a purple shimmery box. It was intriguing to me .. I knew there was something of completely NO value, except I did find some christmas ornaments. These guys needed some colourful TLC. What a project.

As GUILT has an evil way of commanding what happens in your life ... I decided that I couldn't possibly LIVE another christmas without having these ornaments all coloured and bedazzled in christmas craziness.

So now .. I sit ... and paint .. and fuss,... and paint ... and fuss ... and waste a whole bunch of time contemplating the colour red ... because as luck would have it ... I have managed to find myself a whole bunch of Santa's ... really, seriously santa!

IN other things of whimsy and value ... !!! .... A rather large expense will be purchased  NOW,  in the next coming months ... so I have managed to heal up this little leg!!!! Another week or so .. and off I go to catch a new leg ... or the process of getting a new leg ... hooray for the two legged-ness! So excited to be a believer in things do eventually work out!

Virtual Nothingness

Ok seriously ... how does one almost do nothing all day ? Is that even possible I ask? Because today is the day I perfected practically virtual nothingness. AND not for the real intention of doing nothing ... but accomplishing actual nothingness without actually trying for complete nothingness. Let's just label this full on loser award!

Well .. not really ...   I did stuff that I would simply like to label as "stupid shit" ... things that are just annoying unto themselves that the instant you complee the task .... it is just that easily forgotten ... like wiping down the bathroom counter with the lysol wipes because you don't really want to "actually" clean the counter with like ... stuff ... you know, that kind of time saving factors. (From the woman with LOTS of time on her hands!)

However in other nothing filled events ... I didn't even use my magical lights. AT all. How is that possbile ... since I don't actually have to be up scurrying about getting ready for "work life" stuff ... christ ... once one slips down that slope ... it's a helluva way to try and crawl back up ... gawd ... even the dishes did not get re-distributed to the cupboards ... Ok .. again LAZY ASSNESS ... sort of ...

I failed to mention that yesterday was a triple duty in the hopping department, and the cycling department, and going out department, and in the standing department, and therefore extra pressure in the hands being numb cause they are tired department ... so today ... being a little on the nothing side was probably virtual goodness ...

AND then I went through and got rid of bits and pieces of paper n junk, and folded laundry and did dumb dumb exercises that keeps this leg from totally getting smaller in the muscle department... and then hung out with the boy and the girl and the lovely friend that took me out wheeling, which lead to us talking to a fairly funny neighbour ... so all in all ... the day of virtual nothingness isn't really nothing .. just not a lot of accomplishments of great stupendous things !!

No worries though ... the minnie mouse wheeling will resume it's activity tomorrow ... 

A workers guide to retirement

Ok ... so first things first.

One MUST work.

Well now there's a situation.

The End.

I just got home from a retirement "do". This lady "did" a lot. I will not compare myself to her. But gawd damn ... one can not HELP but compare their lives ... like "holy crap" ... where did she get the time, and all the vision ... to put forth change in so many ways !! And yet ... she is still very young ... VERY young ... and now what does retirement look like for her ... because THOSE ideas do not stop, that forward thinking, being a mentor to so. many. people.

So I think I still have "some time" left to make an impact. On something.

But GAWD what ... ?

And that is WHY my book on a workers guide to retirement will be a short non-descript snippet of words that simply says ... "And now, the adventure begins!"

In my non-retirement form I am fortunate to wake up everyday and ask myself ... "what is the goal for the day?" How do you foresee your day unfolding? Is there room for solitude, or spontaneity? Is it colourful, or is it planned out ? Big or small, I equate my days to adventures, even mini adventures, I am not changing peoples lives minute by minute, but I do add to the equation of "my peoples" lives, and that is important. Somedays.

In other things that are way less boring ...

I put my paints away for a titch of time. In reality, it's a make work project just to get them out again. That should be fun. NOT. However; in the meantime, I will carry on with my New York colouring book, and practice the art of turning a black and white picture to colour via pencil crayons.

Somehow it just doesn't seem worthy to talk about accomplishments, and "shoes to fill", retirement, and colouring ... "Hi ... I am here for our colouring date!" .... ya, not so much.

Well, THAT was scary. NOT

So for over 498 moments I decided to change the look of my blog. I thought it was dying. The blog. Not me. I thought I was running out of words, and stories, and useless tales to tell. I thought that this was a "wash out" ... that I was going to pack up shop and be done.

NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN.

I think I am BACK ... with more stories, useless details of life, and other random pieces of adult life that really isn't that humorous at all. However; I will now try to find a the humour in the day, and leave it here ... to be found. With attached labels and photos to further get the intention across.

Here's a photo now ... nope .. can't seem to make it happen. So at this point this blog will remain pictureless... which is really actually a good thing since I do not have many to share.

So here we are the end of October ... almost at the end of another year ... amazing how time doesn't fly. This time last year I was waiting upon people to tell me stories of life changing alterations that were in the works ... and a year later ... I am still waiting on the life altering fix ups .... "I hear that leg a comin, comin' down the track" ... it's that level of excitement around here ...

I watched a couple of videos a number of weeks back by the "AmputeeOT", she was interesting & informative, and clearly very smart. I can't say I was thrilled with her blaring BYYYEEES and child like waving into the youtube videos very enticing to keep me coming back ... in fact .. down right scary  ... perfect for a day like today .. when that is the amount of scariness that this one person can take. Perhaps what may have been very scary is the fact that she was strutting along at 10 weeks post amputation .. on her very own leg. Today marks three months in the calendar of time that I have managed to put behind me ... all minus a leg. Still alive, and hopping about to tell the tall tales of adventures ... and I am waiting for the excitement of the day when the adventure starts again on two legs!

So now ... amongst the rain storm ... I will go and observe the pumpkin carving adventures! 

Holy slow-pokes

So today .... miraculousy enough managed to submit some "artwork" to an art show, that fortunately is titled "anonymous" ... more than likely for ME, is a good thing! I actually FEARED having to put my name on the little 8x8 pieces of  "artwork" for the HUGE fear of embarressment !!! SO horrific! .. and well, timely .... VERY SCARY !!! Oh yes, very scared ... however .... I am intrigued as to what the gallery will look like, once all the gems are hung up for the show ... in the meantime ... the show is juried .. and now I will live in the HUGE fear that the people will call me with "thanks for coming out today with the artwork, but you need to take yours home" .....

And so .. moving on ....

Novembers project will be quickly approaching ... !! I found some christmas ornaments that need some sort of embellishments of christmas craziness ... so before the box of mega stash of paints is set away for safekeeping .. I will paint up a storm or red, greens & blues for the festival of christmas time fun colours!

In other things .... well ... that would be the above items ! Apart from the fact that I am still down ONE leg, and there is no real end site into "it's" arrival ... although NOW I am thinking that it is going to be closer to the END of the year ... so we could be talking Birthday Gifts for oneself !! Who knows .. the leg recovering gods only know that !!

When the loves runs out ...

So when Lady Ga Ga was dreaming up music ... little did she know, she perfected the minniemouse wheeling song ! My life has revolved around this piece of music .. and wheel away I go, on my mini-bike .. that's mini HAND bike that sits atop my counter top .. while I peddle up a storm .. trying to get this heart rate above a hundred. But alas we have the lovely Neil Diamond ... with his Brother Love's Travelin' Salvation Show ... now that is a quaint piece of music ... that keeps these mighty arms a peddlin!

I keep peddlin ... as the love has not run out ... YET!!

So in current events:

WE have had the grand transformation of the "girls" room ... she is now hoarder-less appearing now .. and is in fact .. most disgusted with the amount of "things" that she had stored away for another day... so in reality .. she might be swinging the other way now .. not interested in STuFF that crowd her world. Very freeing ... I would believe.

I am currently perplexed by my pickle trees. So I have been doing some painting for an "anonymous" show ... and good gawd .. this woman is keeping it anonymous !!! I wouldn't want my name on ANY of these absurd creations .. however .. they are painstakingly making me remain focused ... sort of .. I would rather do dishes than paint .. so that's telling ya something.

Waiting for the boyson to return to living in the homestead ... upon his return ... will he remain a band member, or forgo that passion and enter the mainstream population ... time and an apple pie will tell !

Well .. back to the pickle tree painting party ... 

Well isnt this a numb ride!

Yes it is folks. Numb all around. Currently the little "pawsies" are back up to their hissy fitting tricks and are numb as numb can be.

This couldn't possibly be due to the fact that I am a professional hopper maniac. I have crutches, but despise them ... the non cruise control walker gives me super sturdy ground to balance on. Gotta love balance. So the extreme pressure that I use to walk with is causing nerve damage to my hands .. which is the reason for the numbness, such dumbness .. No ?

BUT then I have the minnie-mouse wheely hand bike ... I am up to 43 minutes on that baby. AND cheesus .. I could break down the wheely biking to a couple of times a day .. but once you get on this piece of magic ONE DOES NOT WANT TO GET off this hand bike .. gawd NO ... reason: YOU would never get back on ... it is just obnoxious .... wheeling and wheeling and never getting the heart rate past 100 BPM. At least I think that's the case ... I have a heart rate monitor ... on the telephone ... but that means ... stopping (well once your torture of the minutes is up) .. it takes a good two minutes to get the app up and running ... pokey pokey .. in the meantime ... the wheeling has to stop ... and so does the freaking heart rate. Double damn on being the nosey parker as to whether I am still alive or not. Freak.

Let's talk hair. It's everywhere. All. The. Time. I usually have great plans to wear it down ... and it looks all great and lovely .. until I start HOPPING about .. and then it's a showdown in the "wild west of hair locks" ... they are everywhere! Of course washing this fine mane is another sub-par arrangement. I like washing the locks in the laundry room sink .. it seems to fit my head .. however the floor is tile, and by the time this wild hopper is done .. so it the leg & foot. It's done dead and gone. By then end of the hair washing .. I am now standing on what would be "high heels" in an effort to NOT stand on the remaining good foot. Double witchy wonderland.

to be continued ... 

Five years ago ..

I was staring at a Bob Cat through the den window, and blazing about the backyard catching pictures of it .... terrified that it would come and get me, if I went back there .... gawd .. if only I had known that something for more severe would silently sneak up and try and kill me in the meantime. But it didn't ... and here I am.

The girlie girl has just set foot out the door and off to work she goes ... it is just so very lovely .. my graduated girl ... making her way to the Wally World of entertainment ... I wonder if the Sir let her drive on the way there ... he tends to NOT let her drive when the are out on short excursions .. gawd .. how those minutes count .. when the driving time is precious!

So the fact that I am MINUS a right leg leaves me whirling a bit in the NON driving department .. I am useless to the girl for a driving companion .. which is a shame ... beuse we have lots of time together while we could be out tooling around ... but apparently we are not supposed to be .. so says the universe. I have talked with the agencies that "report on" this sort of stuff .. one agency says I am allowed to drive with her .. and another agency says I can't ... and because the "yes" side has no names attached to it, or I have a "YES YOU CAN" in writing .. I am opting for the NOT driving with her .. because in the end ... the rather very large corporations will have me by the throat if something goes awry.

In things way less boring ... am still waiting on the leg. We have now reached October 10th ... (well duh) ... and no sign of a leg any day soon ... however ... probably at the end of October I am holding out hope that this is where I am heading ... to be "leg-filled" ... har har har ... So I have this "wound edge" from the chop off point that has refused to heal ... little bastard ... BUT NOW .. with some additional TLC and not just letting it sit .. it is getting smaller ... so happy for that. I think there are still some sutures left in the leg as well .. or something .. because on the end of the left side of the chop off point it is irritated enough ... and enough is MORE than enough to stop the "getting the leg" process .. so I have given the leg one more week of "sitting" around and made an appointment with the surgeon .. who hasn't been my surgeon at all .. but rather a covering surgeon who has only seen this wound once, for 22.3 seconds, and the other time just wrote a prescription for the homecare ladies to take out sutures .. kind of comedic .. all the same . a bit of a make work project ... but it may be worth it in the end if there is something niggling away at keeping it unhappy.

The boy has made it to Oshawa today ... him and the band are making their move across the country. This MAY be his breaking point as to whether he is IN or OUT of the music making industry. I have my fingers crossed that the "agents" and entertainment type loving people actually see their worth .. and "do" something to make their work finally worthwhile for them ... yes ... fingers crossed .. big time. OR ... he finds his way back home, and returns to life in the education ways .. and moves on.

Today ... we are in the final stages of changing the girls room for what she has known her whole life as beautiful and sweet, into a young ladies bedroom. It's all very exciting for her!

So here I sit .. with many tasks needed to be tended to, including this "anonymous show" that I am determined to accomplish ... but of coures that involves painting something ... and it is all in my head that this is swirling about ... I "simply" need to forge ahead with the painting process which is very tricky !!

So this time next year .. when it gets to be "six years ago" .. I will have a leg .. and probably wont be sitting here .. bu rather will be engaged in finding great camera adventures ... and slurping back coffee in a thermos along some roadway gathering "autumn"shots ... or EVEN better .. will be sitting organizing photos from a 25 year wedding celebration ... after a cruise !! That's what this chick is waiting for ...

Oh, and in other things .. paid off the mortgage yesterday. Things will be finalized by next week. That's a bit of a hooray.

So here we are folks ... a number of hours later, about 43 coats of paint, and the beginnings of a new beginning. I need more colour and more brushes, and more canvas and pieces of inspiration, and this free flowing colour will learn to take hold. For now, this is a start, and as I become accustomed to let the paint just sit pretty .. so will my paintings. This has to start somewhere ... this being the first, is a good first. 

Happy September first-stepping!!

Well phew .... have managed a whole long month with being the one legged wonder.

Exactly a month ago I was sitting in a hospital bed ... wishing away the long hours and long days ... and knowing that "things" would be so much better a month out ... and I will admit ... they really fucking are !!!!

All the things I currently do take about a gazillion extra steps, but I have come to the conclusion that I really am not going anywhere very fast anyways ... so the time that I eat up just "doing" things is really quite fine.

Am I frustrated .. hell ya ... Am I still wishing away the hours ... a little less of a hell ya .... Am I now looking forward to things that I can begin to do again ... HELL YA !!!

ONE doesn't know how far they have fallen until it becomes that moment when you look up from your pit of hell ... and surrender.... but not the surrender in giving up, however it's the surrender that this is finally the ground breaking moment when you find that little tiny etch in the wall, and KNOW that you can find your way back. It's knowing, REALLY knowing that there is light, and life OUT THERE ... and trusting that inch by inch, ONE can find there way back.

What I have been through, is completely "over-come-able" ... in the true sense of Deanna'isms this journey has been a dastardly ride in the rollercoaster of hell. For the most part, it is indescribable the horrific pain I have lived with and walked with. I can't even register now ... a SINGLE month out .. how I fucking lived like that. And yet BEFORE, every fucking day ... I would get up, get washed, fix my hair, brush my teeth, get dressed, get that lipstick on, and face the fucking day ... and cheesus ... this went on for months upon months. BECAUSE ... I knew that somehow ... this was "over-come-able".

So while I malingered in that pit of hell, I still had an amazingly wonderful supportive network of friends and family and people that surrounded me, and insulated me from that pit of hell ...and you know .. they kept me. There is no other word to truly describe it ... They helped to keep my resilience to the evils that although I was sitting in a pit ... I didn't seem touched by it ... and I wasn't going to let that pit of hell keep me locked into isolation and darkness. I wasn't going to be tricked that even though this was my lonely walk, I wasn't alone.

And now ... a whole month later ...I still can't go up and down stairs, I am isolated from the rest of the world because of my inability for accessibility .... and do I care .. HELL NO ... because my first steps a whole long one month ago were now the first steps away from my pit ....

Yes, September first .. The previous month was a whole lot of firsts ... and am finally feeling free to enjoy this next month of firsts.

Welcome to Life Part III

So let's just do some damage control here:

January 6 - surgery & VAC, graft on little foot
March 16 - biopsy -all clear
March 31 - IV antibiotics & the thought that SOMETHING is NOT right.
April - WBC Scan, Bone Scan, MRI - hmmm - osteomyelitis
May 4 - Appt with Oncologist - he says "foot looks fine" - LATER that day appt with Inectious Disease- Foot DOESNT look fine
May 8- Back to Plastic Surgeon
May 16 - Biopsy Again
May 22 CT scan Abd - POSITIVE for enlarged lymph nodes groin
May 28 - IV Antibiotics D/C'd, Appt with Plastic Surgeon - POSITIVE for Re-current SCC
June 8 - Back to square one, might as well be January 6 all over again, plus a bone BX at surgery
June 18 - PET scan
June 22 - FNA lymph node groin
June 28 - appt with oncologist
July 13 - Excision lymph node groin
July 31 - Amputated the poor little foot, just below the knee.

WELCOME TO LIFE !!!!

THREE times the CHARM!

And now it starts ... exercising the leg .. and the body back to trying to get some re-conditioning happening ....

Thank you for your patience !!

Marjolins Ulcer VS Marian Keyes!

Which makes for light late night reading?

Clearly the first option will shock the living shit out of ones eye bulbs, and leave them reeling down even the flattest of driveway landscapes.

So don't go with option ONE, I'm telling you that right now.

Marian Keyes of course is the best choice award for late night LIGHT reading .... then there's the challenge  to actually open up the page where one left off ... to get that nice floaty feeling that goes with the as option two.

So life in the world where a little things like cancer and other related events impede your day ....

The surgeon is wondering if the pathology report was actually wrong ... for two reasons ....

The margins of ONE percent was actually more, and the LOCATION of the unclear margin was incorrect.

Nice.

How the hell does this shit happen ... Are we talking a life long gong show event that continues to take place ... 

If I go back in time ... and review some of the idiotic events that have occured, one would spin their heads, and chuckle and point and admit ... yup ... "Look .. it's gong show girl !" Well then let's just admit it ... trust me people, ... this gong show girl is a professional.

Things like having the good doctory people tell you to keep using the majorly potent steroid cream.

Then have another dermatologist tell me that why didn't I listen to the other two good doctorly people, and put the potent steroid cream around the edges of this LESION. In fact ... put the majorly potent steroid cream over the whole LESION. And while we are talking NON WOUNDS, but lesions ... it is only a lesion, and not a non healing wound, and get the dressing off it ... because it's not helping it. (So I guess it's OK to walk around with socks and runners continuously soaked with draining fluid ...?) That doctorly person failed to answer that question. 

So I followed that REALLY BAD ADVICE, and the foot (fake wound I guess) burned to freaking living hell for four days ... that I remember now actually .. but it burned on and on and on and on .... I eventually made it back to my GP where I had to dispell the hellish event of seeing that doctorly sort of person. His consult also reported that what I needed was physio. That's what I really needed, and I had been lax in realizing this myself. 

My question to the GP had been .. OK ... I could do physio, except ... this foot is burning, violent and I can barely walk ... but I could consider physio ... IN OTHER LIFETIME OF HELL. She suggested I wait a bit before I embarked on physio ... considering that in reality nobody could actually touch the foot or manipulate it in any way as it was ... so maybe it was best to wait. OK... great thanks.

In other related stupid story events ... I appreciate people's (we are talking doctorly people) good regard for me demanding urgent health care. It's the truth peoples ... gawd. Yes ... many of the doctors I saw told me that I needed to tell the doctorly types that what I needed was on an urgent basis. Uhmmmmmmm ... just a note here peeps .. from what I REALLY know to be true, and what actually WORKS .. is that if you doctorly peoples actually talk to one another ... there's these handy devices such as telephones, and even handier such incidentals as well (!) paid secretaries to do the dialing if the whole telephoning event is a difficult process. Yes, it was up to me to supposedly demand that I get the ball rolling QUICKLY.  

Right. That works ... in the HELL FREEZES OVER scenario.

However today ... in the gong show events of life .. when the sugeon stated that things were NOT as they should be ... he told me I needed a biopsy ... just so we are CLEAR ... I need a biopsy two months and five days after surgery that was supposed to fix this mess.  

OK.

So I won't sign up at the gym then ... it could be a waste of money at this point ... 

Interestingly enough ... I am listening to the boys band The Face.plants song called WHY. Except their song is supposed to be a fun pop love song ... which it is ... in my circumstance ... I ask myself the question .. "Please tell me why" .....which are their lyrics ... however it's suddenly suiting for my life question in this moment ... 

So in todays office conversation with the surgeon he gave me a date of April 10th for a biopsy. I hmmmed and hawed (FUCKING LIE! .. I didn't) ... actually I sighed and said .. well ... this is what I know, and from experience now in our new found relationship ... I know that one month from now, this foot will just be a lot worse ... the pain will intensify, and in reality things are just going to deteriorate. I asked him if he really thought this was potentially cancer crawling it's way back ... because I have been watching all other parts of this foot HEAL the last two months .. except this one part, which has actually gotten worse ... and he wonders the same thing ... my obvious observations was the pain portion .. I said .. well, things in the pain department are very much better, and yet .. there is a huge reservation as to WHY this is still very painful, when in reality it shouldn't be. In the end things changed quickly ... 

My appointment for the oncologist was bypassed.

I suggested that I continue antibiotics for another week because the massive stupid infection in my ankle probably hadn't cleared yet, which could be a HUGE contributing factor the pain problem.

I have a DATE with the surgeon this MONDAY morning, just past sunrise.

He is going to biopsy the freshly fixed problem, and THEN we are going to attempt to biopsy the ankle, which I don't think I am going to be able to do ... unless we have a five minute knock out sledge hammer approach to throwing a needle in an area of tissue that is already badly wounded.

Then ... as badly as he wished to NOT DO ... if the biopsy results come back as positive he has already said .. well, we fix and graft all the portions of the foot. The NEW spot, the SPOT of original ONE percentness, and then the ANKLE. 

And then to make matters even more interesting in a casual office visit ... he said that I should start to swirl around in the back of my head that if this continues to be way ... that I should start considering the potential for amputating.

Yes, swallow that with your handful of caramel popcorn.

I need a drinking problem.

And THIS is what the story of LIGHT reading about Marjolin's Ulcers are ... they COME BACK.

I will stick to my LATE night Marian Keyes LIGHT reading ... thanks.

Just past twelve ...

And what exactly have I done?

So I have realized that I have a lot of clothes in my closet neatly piled with nothing to do.

Other than make me fret about finding a single pair of pants ... which of course I couldn't find. Gawd damn it. Thats OK .. I only have ten days to figure out where I might have put them in my neatly folded stack of clothes that have nothing wrong with them .. and yet I don't wear.

Gotta admit ... the lovely physio girl is heading off to Portland .. but only for a single night .. not good in my books ... I need a Portland do-over. Hence my believing that her single day is just not adequate ... I want to go for a week ... and just chill ... except that I think I would have to go it alone .. the husbandman wouldn't be into wandering almost aimlessly about the crackerjack village for no real reasons ... he has no great understanding of the intense people watching that must take place ...

OK .. nope .. I think I want to get to the Oregon Coast more ... yes ! That's It! ... says Charlie Brown ... or Lucy ... but you get the connontation ... I wish to walk the sands of the Oregon Coast ... with my monopod. Perhaps the husband would do that with me ... or I could go it alone ... I think. The better part is we could bring the rascally BO BO meister ... he would make any little trip adventuresome.

So earlier we were talking about enjoying going out for dinner ... well .. I think I might .. if I had a husbandman who enjoyed going out for dinner ... except that since he is addicted to enjoying cooking, and the whole shopping portion of the cooking .. and the whole process ... he doesn't like going out for dinner ... because he quietly cesses out the cost comparison .. .and of course it is a KAJILLION times cheaper to create the exquisites in the homeland. All find and dandy ... but WHERE'S the adventure ? And the atmosphere ... and MOST importantly ... the PEOPLE !

Then there's the whole poler fleece addiction ... when one wishes to believe that polar fleece is all occasion wear ... then it's hard to go into finer establishments with the homeless looking person at your side. Gawd. I gotta get that shit right ! Wrong ... I will stick to eating my pineapple poles (that's what I call them) from Costco .. and my full on greek yogurt and hemp hearts .... cause living with me is just that simple.

OK ... back to the children that are not children in the sense that they are not under two feet high. So the boy was in an indescribable wickedly bad mood last eve .... so much so the signal of endearment was all but forgotten ... and no eye contact was made while he was sitting at his music making piano machine ... he even stealthily made it into his bedroom many hours later .. and not a single word was said to me ... OUCH. When these wildly talented musicians find themselves in a bad mood ... the world must be forced to dance upon eggshells. And be evermost diligent about that eggshell walk.

So the best thing to counteract the foulness of moods .. is still that awakening moments ... with happiness .. which included a chocolate chip muffin for the lad .... and of course for the beautiful young lady ... just past twelve ....

hummmmmmmmmm

Last week while I was twirling about in the bed because the little bitchfoot was exhausting my efforts at remaining asleep ... I came up with a plan ...

I had to figure out a way to set up shop with my camera, and use the remote button ... to get pictures of hummingbirds.

So amongst the sliding this way and that ... I managed to figure it out.

I did a little reading about the little fellas .. and so today ... I started my trap!

I bought some brightly coloured spring flowers, and then moved my hook allotted hummingbird gadget .. and I set to work cleaning up the feeders, and brewing up the mixture. All 10 seconds it took to make the swirling clear mixture!

So now ... the trap has been set ... however ... I am going to purchase more "hooks" & feeders for additonal hummers to find their way into the yard ... so it can be a festival of humming porportions!

Back to regular scheduled programming ...

Have yet to practice any of my exercises due to the continued wreck of a thigh muscle .. how hilarious (OK NOT) that I can't exercise lying down because I still managed to ruin a muscle.

I am not sure whether to cancel physio on Tuesday or not ... nahhhhh ... I won't ... it's better that I go ... I will hummmmm my way through things somehow!

Just dont mess my hair.

That is what I was thinking about this morning prior to me going to physio.

So here's my latest .....

Me doing CORE work .. and BREAKING a sweat.

Seriously folks, it's the truth.

I will say HAPPY sugarclumps over that one!!

How is that possible. Well it just is. Fuck. Take my word for it.

I pay a beautiful woman a lot of money, to make me sweat and almost fall off exercise balls!

That's OK .... I am feeling pretty trashed after being at her place for a single hour ... and I am not fucking kidding you bozo the clown eyebrow raisers! Gawd, or more like double gawd ...

I came home to sweepa the homestead since I didn't do it yesterday, so over night the regular two dog multiplying hair system that takes place while darkness penetrates the home ... it was more like a triple dog hair multiplying process ... and now today .. POST physio, and doing things like DEAD BUGS ... there is a whackadoodle amount of hair ... which I can barely sweepa....

OK and then in news that is even more horrifying ... the fixer upper massage therapist girl is busily going on spring break ... so I am out of commission from her as well ...

This is now life in the fast lane ... and more expressively ... every body has switched lanes ... so all I have to do is keep driving till these people come available to me again.

I am going to have to do something fascinating while on spring break ... except in my adult boring world there isn't much to break about .... maybe I will reminess over lasts year adventure ... New York !

In other things so muh less exciting:

I texted the girl yesterday ... "So I'm going to Costco ...." when I get the freakishly excited text back .. "NOT WITHOUT ME!!!!!". That's my girl ... always just so not excited about things.

Well ... it's best to venture on with the day ... although I am having a hard time standing ...  kind of funny actually ... I can barely stand cause I SAT and exercised for BARELY an hour!

And, my hair became messy. I rock the world.