Almost the end of a decade.

Close call and all.

Schlepping in ... pretty much in the 19th hour ... just to say... HEY I MADE IT!!

I can’t even do a recap of the year, as that would take a shit ton of concentration, and this aging Wilba-Lou is almost out of memory juice!

I think it snowed in January, and the gluten girl and I went to a gluten fair. And sushi on Granville. When I USED to eat sushi, but I will get to that.

February, was (AND STILL IS) the shortest month ... SUPER SUPER SUPER big month for the WildBoy and the band ... they made it onto CTV ... did it take them anywhere ... not as “the people” promised ... THAT SAID ... what a truly wonderful journey, and not everyone can say they have made it to television, let alone to be picked out of 30,000 applications to be on a show. For me, I putted along at my irregular pace.

March.... that was the month the Sir and the boy dismantled trees from our trees. They chucked baseballs into the branches and then strong armed them to the ground. I have videos, hopefully I do not accidently delete them.

April. It was spring .. The Sir’s mom up and died on the 27th. Sad, almost shocking, but peaceful, in reality, not really a bad way to go. She left her house full of over 80 years of treasures, which we were now in charge of getting rid of. Bless her, in a way an atheist would wish to be blessed.

May .... I decided I was just simply too large, and had to shed some weight .. so I embarked on doing “keto” ... whatever that meant, but a change of tides was starting to happen. I completed my Diploma in Rehabilition & Disability Management at SFU. Wow, go me.

June ... I think I am losing weight!
July.... I think I am losing weight!


..... and then we will have to fast forward all the way to August when again I made my way to Port Alberni to see the wildboy. I went with my long time forever friend ... she claimed she did not recognize me in the parking lot. I will believe her .. since she wears glasses and all!

September I got a manicure after 28 1/2 years... after a day of gardening while not wearing gloves.

October we high-tailed it to Cannon Beach, it was a beautiful time. Our plans ran askew when the Sir got nervous about trying to visit with our dog, and my friends dog. I was super disappointed. So we made alternate plans, and in the end, it actually was for the better.  At the end of October I hosted an 80th birthday party for my mom ... it was a surprise .. and she was surprised .. gotta admit .. pretty happy over that event!

November sped along, and I managed to excitedly shed pounds and actually take beastly boy for a walk for the first time since having the leg re-assembled into a fake one. Him and I went eagle watching... it was beautiful. I became a “trainer” for amputee volunteers.

December is almost out the door, but not before I have set up my new tri-pod, taken photos, sent the girl to Disneyland, and have almost managed to lose 50 pounds. Oh, and I still do not have a new job!

I am once again hopeful and grateful for the good people, and good things that come to my family, friends and myself. May this next decade bring continued fulfillment in each persons lives.

Peace be with you.

OH, it's slightly nothing ...

My eyeball is kind of swilling about being red ... but I think, it's slightly nothing.

I might have a secondary autoimmune disorder ... but I think it's slightly nothing.

I had some bloodwork drawn the other day, it was sorta our of whack .... but I have a feeling it's slightly nothing.

I went to the gym for so couple of hours prior to the bloodwork .... which upon reading about the bloodwork it stated to not exercise prior ... so I think it's slightly nothing.

My socket still isn't fitting me right ... but I think that THEY think it's slightly nothing.

I'm not sure if I am doing damage to this leg/hip while out cruising around... perhaps it's slightly nothing.

I got a RAISE in my disability payment ... $80, no wait ... it's a $70 ..which is slightly better than nothing!

I am meeting a group of friends for lunch today ... now that is cooler than doing nothing !!

Treadmill trekking!!!

Today !!! I walked on a treadmill .... The first time in over 4 years that I walked at a pace that didn't involve a limp, or in agonizing pain.

Yes, and in the process the treadmill said I burned 9 calories ... NINE WHOLE CALORIES!!!

The physio claims that I burned a whole lot more ... She said that people that are working harder at working burn more calories than the regular folk.

The best thing is I WALKED!!!! It was lovely and beautiful and simply enjoyable to keep plodding in a forward direction ...

The nice thing is she recognized that I was able to walk faster, and with a longer stride, and when that happened ... The walking became much more patterned and second natured ... But then the treadmill can have that effect on someone ...

So today I trekked on the treadmill, but in my mind, I might as well have finished a marathon!

Under 30 crowd

Yes peeps, this is the truth ... You are the crowd, and I am under the 30 day mark of NOT writing on this little whiteboard of mine.

Much has happened, as it was supposed to ...

I finally had a revision of my little more than half healed incision line. FINALLY.  NOW, it is just a bit of time before this leg heals up. FFS FINALLY. That's all I can say.

The BOY played with his band. I missed it. BUT I got to see it on video. Ever more better I say !!

GUESS WHO can finally drive their car?? BIG HINT: Not my daughter!

Yes folks, I finally was able to sit my crooked behind into the DRIVER'S seat of my car .. What an experience ... I drove down the street kinda squealing..... Sorta lots actually ... And I drove around and around and around ... In circles ... Like my crescent is .. Well, it's more the shape of a super long track ... But all the same .. There I drove ... Around and around. An hour later ... I drove the girl someplace... Of course!

Then, I got adventuresome .. And drove down to the bear location. And just sat, breathing the moment of almost accomplishment mixed with freedom ... Finally the moment had arrived where I was starting to get my life back ...

The very next day .. I went off to the gardening place .. And purchased flowers ... Little by little things are happening.

Then, the next day ... Larger adventures ... I drove to Harrsison Hot Springs. Myself and the girl. She made me do it ... That's when I realized ... This is good, I can drive ... MY left foot just over. The first day out I was in silence in the car .. The continuous .. "Gas left, Brake right" .. Playing through my brain .. Then the next day .. I used some quieter music .. And then the next day I had the girlie girl talking at me, and we were playing music ... Every once in a while.. I thought in my head .. "Gas left, brake right"....

Yesterday in all things grand .. I was wildly wild .. Just wild ... About being stifled for so freaking long .. I was most upset with my back triangle yard ... Morning Glory has come in and taken over the last number of years, and I haven't been able to get a hold of it ... (Well, a hold of stemming it's tide of flourishing wreckidness !!) ... And I was tired of raking, fighting with my walker, and playing with the dog who insisted on dropping his toy in my way with every move ... And plunking out morning glory .. I just hate that shit .. Who invented SEEDS for it ... !!! ... So I eventually threw my walker ... Who knew that walkers could fly that far ... Sigh ... So then I sat there .. Thinking to myself .. SHIT ... Cheesus that walker went airborne .. How the fucking fruitballs did that happen ... ??? So eventually I sorta crab walked to fetch the freaking thing .. That is when the husband man saw me ... And helped me retrieve it .. Although I didn't ask him to .. Since the walker was "over there" because of me ... Good thing all things "dog" had been picked up .. And I had just raked the area free of debris AND I had gloves on ... There're are some good things to throwing your walker ... 

Duo Lingo

Well ... I am still waiting, with lots of GREAT things to attend to while waiting for a leg to be delivered!

So living out here ... Way on the WEST COAST ... I will admittedly say that OUR official second language is not so prevalent in our day to day life.

Growing up, going to school, being introduced to a second language all the way into the fourth grade was completely a foreign and almost un fathomable way of thinking ... All.those.years.ago.

Unfortunately, while growing up in our families home, a second language was not considered to be an asset, or a way as bettering ourselves, it was (I would think now actually) looked upon as a threat. My parents (from what I can conjure up as a memory), viewed this as something that was being crammed down our throats, rather than looked upon as an opportunity to help in putting our best foot forward. Perhaps it was a political stance that was taken, or "their" view that "the frenchies" were taking over... I an not sure of their reasoning, but all the same. I will attest that I MISSED OUT.

I remember a time when my sister approached my parents when she was in Grade 9, and ASKED for PERMISSION to be a part of the French Immersion program at our Junior High School. This was a big deal... And I remember feeling so proud of my sister for being so brave, and setting the bar higher for herself, not only for improving her knowledge, but standing up to my parents for her own sake of learning. In the end, I know my Dad was quite proud that she became bilingual.

I have a fellow that I know that speaks six PLUS languages, and another speaks three. WHEN, WHERE & HOW do you acquire this amount of learning ... Well .. It comes from being exposed to it I guess ...

Well ... And there you have it ... I was busily knitting the other day ... As I have been for months .. And I asked  myself .. "Why not me?" ... Out of the blue ... This question popped up .. And who really knows WHY the question arose ... However I interpreted it as "Why can't I learn to speak another language?" ...

Fortunately .. In this VAST day of knowledge at your fingertips ... I immediately turned to the APP store and downloaded something called "Duo Lingo" ... And I have been learning French ever since! That said ... There will NOT be a day SOON where I will be speaking French out and about and in the open ... BUT I have opened the door to opportunity!!

I think I might love that ... Now, if only I can get George Clooney to speak to me ... But he would have to do in Italian I'm thinking .. And THAT is a whole other lesson my friends ... 

Knitting in the round.

This has more than one meaning ... When you are busily knitting back together a leg .. It's round, and the cells are doing their knitting ... Along with me ... I am currently knitting a "tam" .. It's a lovely coloured tam ... And I just keep knitting and knitting with 2.5 mm needles ... That is quite the small scale of knitting I will admit!

So I am not sure what the situation with this non broke, but broken in a way knitting mishap I have going on in the leg. It is genuinely doing it's thing ... And taking it's freaking time . I guess it's just really pissed that it is being forced back together .. Without it's consent. Little does the very tiny wound know that I consented to this a great while ago, and it's time for it to get itself on board the healing train, and heal ... Like NOW.

I have some "prisma" set inside the edge, which has been there for a week for or two .. And it's still hissy fitting it's way to the bitter end ... I will rephrase that thought ... "BETTER end" ... I was sincerely hoping that in less than a week this would be gone, and I am of course hopeful that it will be. For "holy-don't-feel-like-swearing-this-second-sake" ....

In other things for real:

Still TWO days away from the driving thing. Holy SHIT .. Could time stand still any quicker?  Even after I complete that assessment .. I will be waiting for information to exchange hands ... And THAT somedays takes forever !!!!!

I have decided to let my book go that I was reading .. Sorry Alexander McCall Smtih ... Not excited about your Bertie book this time around, I think it would be OK, I am just not that deeply committed to trying to like a book any longer ... There are just so many to read anyways .. I will stick with the REALLY good ones! ... However ... I do love the "#1 Ladies Detective Agency books" ... Now those are the cutest things going!

Oh, and beetled off to Tim Horton's today ... I caught up with the man that makes changes ... He was looking at a door .. I pointed out the task of maneuvering through the parking lot being a  "disabled person" ... And  asked him if he could change the configuration of the cement barricades for disabled people ... He said they never considered the issues  ... Until I pointed it out to him ...

In the meantime ... This wild woman will remain at her post ... Knitting in the round ... Or however that is going down today in these parts!

LOOK. AT. THESE!!!!!!

So, in adventures that would be considered HOARDING ... (Or not!), I have purchased these OLD & yet  elegant spoons from Europe. How exciting for me .. I'm onto some hopefully greater adventures in the old spoon resurrecting department.

I know, all of YOU, my ever so faithful readers are now immensely jealous. How could you not be? Who wouldn't want 16 collector spoons .. ? Pinterest here I come!! (I ALREADY have something in mind! .. So even though I can not get out to  purchase my wares of whimsy ... I am somehow bringing them to me anyways!!

Amputee Advice Case file # 865

Today in amputee life of major proportions of frustration:

It seems that driving is a task beyond the horizon. Just a process of hurdles and hurdles. I would like it better if the process would just simply work. But it doesn't. I can't get someone to sign a form, with them not seeing me. It's a pain the ass. They don't need to see me. They fill in answers on a form, and then they sign it. What I want is some ink from their pen. I am not actually going to see my GP anyways ... I get to see a complete stranger, and she gets to sign off on me. How nice. A make work project.

Of course then there is the process of getting a bone scan. Of course the surgeons office secretary would have to fax a piece of paper from her office, to the hospital to get the bone scan scheduled. I have waited a week to hear from "someone", OF COURSE relying on the process that this would be the case .. .that the system would work. But it doesn't. Nobody knows that I am needing a bone scan. So I called the surgeons office back, to talk to an answering machine, and hope that the secretary did in fact fax the info. Most annoying ... After a week worth of waiting.

The LARGER process here is ... That I require somebody to DRIVE me .... See paragraph ONE.

Feel my frustration. Now times that by 1942. That is how I'm feeling right about now.

In things that are not so useless feeling ... I started a new wash clothe pattern ... It seems adequate .... So that is a good thing. Oh, and I am getting my hair coloured Wednesday ... To give it that boring brown but slightly natural but not natural look back!!

And in things that are causing confusion:

The band wants the boy to come back. Of course they do. They have good feelings that things are going to happen. Of course they do. Are they going to happen ... ? Right ... I seemed to have lost my crystal ball ... And just at a crucial time in life ... Again!  

Hi lights from the hopper

I should rename this blog ... "Life of a Hopper", Hopper Chronicals, The no bunny tailed rabbit, hopping along the path of life, when only hopping happens, long time hopper - just me and the walker, one-legged hopping machine, the hoop jumper, My Leg on the Shelf of LIfe, I can see it, but can't touch it.

There; an array of details and events of how I feel about this hopping garbage.

THIS is the size of what is stopping from wearing my leg that sits on the shelf in the rehab department.

3cm x .5 x 1cm deep.

THAT'S IT.

Hurry the fuck up already ..... This is BORING to the power of ten.... And then some.

I very nicely had my lovely friend drive me today .... She is just so very real and delightful ... We can whine about the same things with our little family units ... And then although we come up with no solutions to help them (IT COULD NEVER BE US !!!!!! Right !!!?), we feel better nattering about the goings on in the mundaneness of life events.

So the wound care nurse came ... And while I am pretty close to being fed up ... I'm not completely fed up, although she said the words "fed up" ... However  I'm not ... I'm getting sorta at the end of the rope, because of course spring is approaching .. And I need a leg to do the gardening details ... If March comes, and then goes, and I do not have a leg by then .... Well ... This chickalit could be a little on the wild side of typical.

In the meantime .... The BC Transportation Safety Board has FINALLY processed my application. It only took 4 months ... But somehow they have managed. Now I can move forward in the "getting back to driving" department .... Now that's a piece of excitement to be excited for.

So now ... I will await a VAC ... And hopefully this whole MRSA thing will just melt away ... I think I need someone on the ball with this one ....

Such hi lights for this hopper ... Let's hope NEXT month when bunnyrabbits become real ... That I will hop out the other side .... And off I will WALK along that bunny trail.aasics, ampute

Take that nasty bug, take that.

Back to the rehab place I went yesterday .... I waved at my leg ... HI LEG!!! You will wait for me won't you .... !?!?!?

The only thing I got to do was see a Dr. He gave me a prescription for some bug drugs. (I am completely done eating little bug drugs ... I thought I was going to get out of this wound with it unscathed, and just the process that was taking too long). A referral to infectious disease, just to merely nod their head and say "yessiree, that's all you need" and the agreement that a plastic surgeon needs to sew this dastardly spot back up. Please and thank you.

Simple. Not.

If the orthopedic Doctor  could fitness her skills for but a moment ...Maybe she would be so inclined to sew this back up again ... Again; simple. Not.

What a whirlwind of micro steps forward, and a huge leap sideways ... THERE will be a moment in time, that will be happening sooner than later, that will help me regain the momentum of forward motion only ... I know it exists ... Like aliens & ghosts!

In other things that keep me amused hour by hour .... I have a big ball of yarn to knit wash clothes now ... So it's The Office & knitting that goes on around these parts .. And mad dashes of reading ...

I will get there. It's just not today. 

There's a hole in my socket dear Liza dear Liza

Two weeks ago I had a hole in what should be my incision line smaller than a pencil tip. Today it's 2cm long by about 1.5 cm deep. I now have 6 days worth of waiting to see the orthopedic surgeon. She will look at it, look at me, and smile and say .. You need a plastic surgeon, not an orthopedic person, but thanks for coming in today.

I have been asking since September, then October, then November, and onto December at my monthly follow ups ... Should I be seeing a surgeon/somebody about this .. ?  In January,  the rehab doc decided that he wanted to see me, and then was surprised that it wasn't healed. I am surprised at all of these people being surprised by me ... They are ALL very young ... Very very young, very new to their practicing .. And then along comes healthy wild woman, with a very silent autoimmune disorder, which NONE of them have taken into consideration ... And they are SURPRISED by me ...

This game is getting boring. Completely boring.

The bigger part of the game is the fact that I need a plastic surgeon. One lady doc flat out refused. The other guy, who had seen me in the past, first said 3-4 months, then reneged and then refused to see me as well. Nice. Asshole. I asked him at some point way way long into the end of 2014 when all this cancer business was coming about, was he prepared to deal with a "scleroderma" type of  person, he nodded his head yes. Well, I have news for him, he should have shook his head NO, he was not prepared to deal with the oddball situation such as me. Things just go sideways. That's how it works, and I am not sure why.

In the meantime, I have a largER hole in my leg, it needs some "surgical intervention" otherwise this is going to months upon months of healing time. I'm done healing. I need to start walking.

In the meantime:

THESE things have happened:

The boy has nicely agreed to play a show with his band.
The girl is going for her drivers test this week. She also is starting a night school course. (Read BUSIER!!!!)
I have read two books: The Owl that Called my Name AND The Untimely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry. BOTH were excellent books! AND I have decided to return to my book club at the library ... And I have taken up a new pattern in wash clothe making. PLUS I have another two books on the go, and have another 2 knitting projects milling about.
Not a lot .. But enough that keeps me wild and crazy while locked up in this house.

Today finally arrived.

This day took forever to get here.

I am fascinated that TODAY ... Arrived on the same day that a loved one had passed. I can't help but think of the reason for that ... !! I think that spirit father of mine had something to do with it.

My mom was fascinated with the spirit church thingy-majig. One day I will take her.

SO ... Today ... TODAY I got to stand on my lovely fake leg. It was so lovely to stand on that leg. Unbelievable beautiful actually.

My best best moment was The Lego Man ... Just sitting back, and giving me that moment of standing on that leg ... Letting me feel intact and whole again,... Letting me feel BETTER than I felt in so many months that have turned into years ... He just backed up, and let me have that moment of feeling like the person I once was, before this "thing" took over.

For comfort and safety sake .. I wore my green comfy vest ... What an unbelievable high.

Prosthetics ... What a pretty cool profession ... I certainly couldn't do it ... But GLAD somebody can!

Yoga-mat users anonymous.

Yesterday, well, last evening yesterday I used my yoga mat. To simply lay on. Is that being profoundly lazy or not? I did not have any real intentions to actually exercise the leg either. I happily layed there ... And watched "The Office" ... I didn't realize that it was truly a funny show ... OK WELL I knew it was a funny show ... Except I did not take the time to enjoy it ... Now I am ... Except for the small problem of me falling asleep on the yoga mat ... BUT only for a short time .... I didn't sleep for like 43 episodes or anything ... Despite me just documenting that I enjoyed the show .. I still fell asleep. Someone's not telling the truth I am thinking!

So I think I am still going to use the yoga mat today ... Because I actually quite like sitting on it ... Even though I am not so moveable while standing, I am very moveable when sitting!

In speaking/thinking of yoga mats ... The lovely physioga lady will be helping me out in the yoga department once the leg makes a re-appearance. We have determined that we will get some chair yoga going, and then once I can maneuver with the leg machine, we will transition to yoga-ing with the mat ... And me, STANDING .... Holy freazuker-luscious that should be mind bending awesome!

Must. Stop. There.

Can't get ahead of me, a LEG, and a Yoga mat!

Reprieve Day 2

Yesterday in DeannaLand was a little (a LOT) quiet ....

Although ... I wasn't entirely by myself ... I did have people come in and out of the house ! I just didn't enter or exit the home ... How BORING am I ... ?

Today ... I have even LESS on my plate! I have nobody popping in, or out ... Nor do I need to go somewhere!

Although the day is still quite young ... Being 0900 in the morning ... So ONE never knows where things could go from here!

In the meantime:

I made a dishcloth. Kind of a step down from my beautiful scarfs, or tams ... But with every step one takes, you get to learn something ... So I have managed to learn some new knitting techniques. Go Me. Perhaps I should find a knitting blog .. And see other peoples projects ... Or Icould just have a look at Ravelry or Pinterest ... For real.

My sister in law and I had a fairly reasonable chuckle at "the black hole" of Pinterest. You start with your early morning cup of coffee & breakfast ... And some "light" interest looking ... Only to surface 5 hours later, 4 hours behind schedule of the day's events, stuck in your morning attire, teeth not brushed, and meeting somebody for lunch .... PLUS, the very sad fact ... WHO are these engineering wizards that come up with gazillions of brilliant ideas PLUS take pictures of them ..... Yes, I leave Pinterest feeling a deep well of sadness that there are real live actual people that are productive and talented humans .. And all I have done is slide my finger across a screen all morning ...  !

OK .... Not that I am ready to slice after looking through Pinterest .. Although the laughter element is true about the "time wasted" .. But NOT really wasted looking at things!

Back to my pathetic washcloth. It isn't truly that "pathetic" ... But it is NOT "perfecto" either ... I made a mistake in the first number of rows with my "counting" of stitches ... However, the washcloth recovered after the addition of the required 2 extra stitches that were missing from the previous section. I had to get serious with the question ... Will THIS affect the dishcloths performance .... ? Will the dishcloth be unable to wipe a counter, or clean the glass without leaving a smudge on it? What EXACTLY will happen if I do NOT perfect the dishcloth pattern .... Well for one thing ... It certainly isn't Pinterest worthy ... So maybe my brain might explode just knowing the imperfections of such a hideous entity. Or not. I have determined the cloth will be fine, as fine as it was sitting on the shelf, in a bin, waiting for a purpose. It's not like it's going to have to endure the land for misfit toys!

Well, Day 2 of this reprieving business, I wonder what I will accomplish !? I think I am going to have a date with Bob Ross. 

Today WAS the day!!!

So today was the day it all starts ....

I start with the construction of a LEG!!!

I'm gonna get a leg.

A leg up.
A leg apart.
A leg down.
A leg worth of race.
My leg of this race ... Has arrived!

It is finally here ... Today was the day ...

BUT ....  Here's the funny part ...

I am only getting a leg, cause this has taken so long .... Not really because it's a real leg that I will be boomeranging around with any day soon.

It's a leg to appease my brain actually. A little snippet of reality of what is supposed to be really happening .... However ... It's not a real leg that can be justifiable HERE IT IS.

It doesn't make sense does it .... But that is the reality ... I am getting a leg, so I can just get going ... Get going on something .. And "on something" I will take.

So unbelievably excited .... FINALLY .... This woman is moving on! Just in time .. I got new runners too!

Raw carrots & soup

Interesting day.

I have quietly decided you can just never hand over peace to someone. Not possible. IMpossible. Hugely IMpossible.

My frenzied home bound energy can be a bit on the overwhelming side ... Especially if you are not up to snuff of being on the receiving of the whacky craziness.

I am tired of being locked here, away from people, unable to be free to do as I please, when ever I please, and MORE NOTABLY .. Obligated to be places, where otherwise I have to be away from the home, and out of touch.

In the thrill of never being good enough, the sister was most not pleased with my sudden silence on the texting machine. She fails to realize that I had nothing fucking to say. Not a word. I didn't talk to her, I didn't talk to my any other people, unless they talked to me ... I just haven't.

I gulped fresh air, sat on the porch, even in the pouring rain of winter, ... Just to keep my mind in a stream of moving forward. The sister told me she was pissed that I was silent. I am silent for many reasons.... I have texted before ... Many times, and things have been left, with no message returned. I haven't been bothered to challenge her on her response one time ... "Ah, I didn't feel like it" ... Thanks, good to know that I wasn't worthy.

At the end of the day her mammogram came back pretty much negative. She then said to me that I shouldn't be going to pieces because of her shit .... Uhmmmm .... Thanks, but please don't tell me how to feel, I am allowed to be concerned .... And quite frankly, being locked up in a house ... Unable to partake in the real world .. Sometimes you are left thinking about things a little too often ....

Jesus Fucking Christ .... I wasn't going to pieces ... However ... Knowing that I have another important person in my life walking the same path as her, and me left just waiting in limbo still ... Ya ... I am allowed to feel the way I feel. Fuck.

Oddly enough .. I have been silent ... However ... Probably way more silent because I actually have nothing of any value to contribute .... I am kinda wildly bored being locked in a home that I wish to be away from .... It's almost as though I am waiting for the lottery ticket to cash in .... I dare to dream of the possibilities of what is going to happen around the corner .... Once this leg get's returned to it's starting position!

No soup for you .. Or me....  Just a whole bowl of slop.

The Colour of Christmas Past.

So, I am on my own with this blog. Just me .... Writing to the world .... As to which I am the only one in the world that looks at it! Sometimes one would hope that someone would chime in and offer up some useless advise to my non stop ditherings ...  It may just be as well ... Since the musings and ditherings and complex thoughts can be just that .... Non stop!!

However ... This photograph has been on my mind A LOT !! I knew I had taken it back on the 26th of December .. And I remember it just being so beautiful and Christmas filled, and joy filled, and full of hope .... The bouquet was lovely, but I didn't want to capture the whole bouquet ... Although of course I should have ... Except that the colours are never the same as you remember ... So I wished to remember seeing the beautiful red & white and splash of green in the sunstream coming through the window. 

So in the meantime .. Life is genuinely complicated, in case NO ONE knows that. I have encouraged the people around me to write things down, let go of their thoughts, and release to the big wide world of who know what ... So this is me .. Writing junk down.

So I had the wheelchair salesman come today .. I did not want him to come, but he did. I really do not need a wheel chair .. But given some point in my life, I think I am going to need one, might as well just be prepared for the day that I need to utilize it .. Even if it isn't for another 453 years.

One more week till I have to go for this bloody mammogram .... Most obnoxious ... Having to wait this freaking long. Not much I can do about all this god damned waiting. My faint hope is the very fact that the radiologists know what they are freaking seeing on the CT scan when they are looking at it.

In the meantime, I have two other very VERY important people in my life that are going through similar situations. Both had screenings back in the middle of December, and were called back in to go for a further test. Of which they have both had theirs .. And I am still waiting. Like I said .. I fucking hope the radiologists didn't fuck up when they said it was ok to wait  for 10 weeks before my follow up mammogram. It does bother me, I can't help it ... The woman that just had her leg chopped off because of screamingly dangerous cancer has to wait for 2 1/2 months for another cancer screening test.  I am going to be downright FUCKING PISSED if this turns out to be more than nothing.

In other things sorta less but more stressful .... There comes a time when one has to start to consider what's up with the mother. Some of her decisions are a bit "out there" ... And because of that ... She is starting to show her age. Only 76, and highly highly functional and mobile, and independent ... But some of her thought processes are becoming odd. Like getting mad at the Vet Dr because she didn't think he knew how examine her dogs eyes. Or deciding to drive home, in the dark ... When she really  doesn't drive anywhere after dark ... For years. 

Of course there is always the dwindling head of hair on the daughter.... Although it looks like it is returning ... Now that the massive sections are growing back. One of my friends commented it looks like she has had chemo. Quite frankly she is not wrong. I should perhaps be more worried about her mental state ... But I am more concerned with her hair pulling as a very bad habit ... Until she is ready to put the work into make some positive change ... She will have to live with the consequences of having no hair on her beautiful head of what would be beautiful hair ... 

I am basically a week away from going to the Lego man .. Probably will now be the longest part of my life ... Just give me the fucking leg ... Holy crap .. This has taken long. Five and a half months to heal this poor leg ... And the muscle wasting due to very limiting use ... Awful ... So much change in the body image department ... I don't mind really being legless ... At least I don't think I mind ... I think in the years to come, I will actually be better for it ... As time deteriorate our bodies, my bionical leg will stand the test of time ... So OF COURSE I am looking forward to moving on ... With a new and improved segment!

We bought a new car ... It is a bright beautiful blue red 2016 Mazda CX-5 ..... Of course I haven't driven it .. Only driven in it ... As in a passenger! The day can not come soon enough to start the driving again ... Holy crapsville THIS process has already taken TOOOOOO long ... 

In other things taking too long ... September .. The boy is going to return to college .... That moment can come fast enough.

In other things that are taking long enough to be fucking almost eternity ... The girl and her fucking driver's license ... Holy freaking hell of hell's if she doesn't pass her driving test ... I probably might just lose my mind. I think I am at the bitter end of my fucking frustration with her, and this fucking driving. My husband has taken her out, many times, and basically has says she is a very good driver .... A natural .... That's all well and fine .... Her driving test is not for another 3 weeks ... It might as well be three years .. As far as I am concerned.

So being locked inside this home has been a bit trying ... And while I am quite stable ... And just simply taking one moment at a time .. I am more than DONE dealing with the little intricacies of life ... In this regard ... I will happily let January tick past .. And then will be happy to see February fade away .. And then hopefully will be well on my way with getting acquainted with the leg, and driving ... And then independence and gardening ... Very purposefilled work that has some real goal oriented activity! MIND YOU ... I am supposed to be knitting a beautiful TAM right now .. and I am busily being all super pokey about this at this very moment !!

In things that are otherwise keeping me occupied ... I have a crossword book that my good husbandman gave me .... And I am quite enjoying it ... It's all about CANADA ... And such .. So far, I am able to answer some of the clues .. And am slowly making headway at answering most of the clues ... I LOVE LOVE LOVE the little tag he wrapped it up with "To Make You Smart" he wrote ... Gotta love hat!

Well ... On that note ... Some frantic thoughts are "out there" .. Milling about the world free to float away I would guess .... 

Almost the end ... Near the end ... Happy for the end!

It couldn't be any truer !

This time last year I was quietly waiting for the end of the year, and hesitantly happy for the start of the new year ... Although apprehensive ... But all the same ... Ready to embark upon a year of recovery from a foot surgery.

Wow ... I got more than I bargained for ... An extended journey into hell, three surgeries, a bone infection, and a fourth surgery which resulted in my leg being amputee, my wound still not healing after five months, no chance for a leg until at least February, and a license not amended so I could gain back some independence and DRIVE myself places! And the uncertainties of a CT Scan that will not be resolved until the end of January. This year has been met with truly some challenges.

Even still, I am in a way better place than I was at this time last year ... Although I am still missing my body part, it will come to me, and I will be stronger!!

I am ever so happy to be ending off this year in some solitude that life will resume it's regular pace, and I will be pleased to help individuals as the need arises. Sounds odd, but those "go fund me" pages that request money for things ... To help people out ... They are a good thing ... So I have decided. Where currently I can not do errands for people, or offer up any type of hands on help, I can offer up the gift of money, in their times of need.

I so can't wait for the end of January to make it's appearance ... !!!! A leg, a tooth, and a left gas peddle adaptor are all on the horizon ... Now all I need is for that sunrise to make it's debut!! I will be so grateful for the end of this year's darkness ... It's almost the end!!!!

Hey Lady - over here!

So today I went for a CT Scan ... they had a pretty little look at my abdomen. Not that there is anything wrong with it, that I know of. Life will go to holy terrors of hell if it comes back that they have detected something.. as NOTHING should be living inside of me. Except for that gerbil, in my knee, when I am laying on my stomach, and bending my "little leg" up and down. What an UGLY feeling that is ... hence why I say I have a gerbil living in me ..

So that CT Scan dye is pretty awesomely cool ... and I did not notice "this" before as the dye flushes through your system ... and it crazily flushes ... then, just when you think you have been "scanned" into success .. your eyebrows slowly raise ... and now you are left feeling like you have peed your pants. Yes ... and then you lay on the table and think to yourself ... I really didn't pee my pants right ? The overwhelming flushing didn't wreck the boundaries of my bladder right ... ?

Fortunately ... all was well ... in the peeing of the pants department ... double PHEW!!!

And then, because adventures just get better and better ... I went to the MEAT store! Probably at this point, someone would be excited to go into the meat store. I was excited to GO to the meat store, not actually BUY anything at the meat store. Hence why the very hyped-up meat selling cow jockies kept calling out : "hey .. I can help you over here !" .... I turned them down ... four times.  I have a feeling that they have never been so happy to see someone leave their premises .... the one legged hopper with the walker left with nothing ... interesting ... I don't like meat. Except for bacon. Bacon is my friend ... and bacon (for me) is a completely edible interesting flavoured vegetable. For real.... so don't you faithful readers be "hey lady - over here" ... trying to point at me that it is ANYTHING different!

All the wrong ways! ~ sort of

Check out the eyebulbs on this crazy character. He knows 10,000 times over where he is NOT supposed to be ... so he quickly, and quietly tucks himself in, and immediately starts the sleeping process. He knows that as long as he sleeps stealthily, this not so stealth in the "kicking him out" department will leave him where he is. 

So many rules ... forever changing ... 

ON yesterdays life adventures ... 

I paid actual real live money to go sit in a gym, and scrapbook. Crazy ... ! or not !! I LOVED IT!! 

Life is a changing ... I can feel it in the winds. Well, I can see that life has changed .. cause this little guy stands at three times the height, doesn't wear fleecy jammies, we don't own linoleum from the 1970's any longer, and that wood paneling is gone. AND the "wild west" CD, is long, and wild gone!! This little Bobe-dee sang along to "rawhide" .. and stomped up his feet .. and gee ODD, was a performer at this tiny of an age!!  All the worry and unknowns about raising children right ... "what will they become" ....well  at this very moment .. the boyson is currently reading a book about the first world war, which involved elephants. For real. That's what he has become ... a huge history LOVING, piano playing, song writing musician. Wowser mowsers ...this is definitely something that ISN'T the wrong way!