Seriously AUGUST !!!

Good Morning to the people of the Internet lands that fill my blogger feed with great stories and good laughs.

You have missed me, I can tell.

I can officially say .. I have been busy. Busy walking about, or bumbling along, given the time of day or the amount of flower watering I have managed through out the day.

Life is cruising along a predicted and steady path. I am gaining strength and speed, and losing gadgets along the way. I am "sort-of" down to using a cane, rather than a walker to motor about. That's a crazy amount of confidence to trust that your brain can think and react on two different playing fields. ALL.THE.TIME.

That's an accomplishment.

I have been able to "kind-of" adapt to walking and maneuvering on the lawn. Wow, what a treat ... Sort of .. Basically it means that I can get to my flower beds, but given the time of day, I can't do it when I am bordering on exhaustion .. It is VERY VERY hard ... Attending to two completely separate tasks, and doing them to completion is monumental!

Currently around these parts the heat has been hitting us a little on the hard side .. So I have to go it slow ... The leg doesn't exactly like being cooped up in a liner that does not permit any type of breathing space ... And embarking on any type of endurance or exercise or even movement (see above paragraph!) sparks a flurry of perspiration ... So pretty much all my movement is slowed considerably.

The other night I was out walking around the block with the four wheeled walker, a cane, and walking poles .. The husband says to me .. "Uhm .. If you didn't have so many gadgets with you, you might be able to walk a little faster .. !" ... I was trying out all the walking apparatus to see what was the easiest method of movement. I am still as slow as a snail. The Lego Man said to me that I was working at a disadvantage. Perhaps. My brain sees this as a huge advantage .. From here, it can only get better.

So my "government issued leg" will be slowly replaced by the $14,000.00 leg, if the insurance companies agree to it. I hope they do. It will improve my mobility & extend my ability to conquer lifes agenda ... Although I will not be able to get a hidden compartment for lipstick, or a USB port, or even Bluetooth ... But, it will give me the ability to freely move about ... With greater ease.

I went to the gym the other day to ride the upright bike at the community Center. They only had one upright bike. I didn't want to ride a recumbent ... The gym attendant helped me get on the bike, and even strapped my foot to the peddle, so it would stay on. I did mention that I would need help to get the foot un strapped, since I couldn't even reach it. No problem she said. After 15 minutes of riding, I saw her pluck upon a cupboard, reach for her purse, and yell over to some gym folks .. Alright people, I'm leaving, she said. WTF. There I was ...stuck to the upright bike with my right leg ...  The first and last time I go to the community Center gym.

I spent July 31st having an awesome day ... as much as I tried not to think of the monumental time that had passed since last year, the same day I had the leg departed ... I spent THIS July 31st with two of the boys friends, and the boy, and the girl in the back yard ... It was simply an awesome day ... One that makes me feel just so thankful that I am alive, and over the hurdles of the past four years. Big deal, at this time, I am currently learning how to walk, and virtually re-do life ... But THIS I can do !!

TODAY I am debating what is on my agenda ... So far I have missed walking at the tack, it is too hot to go now .. I want to garden, but that will lead to a hot and unhappy leg ... And yet .. I wish to NOT be stuck inside ... Which is why I do not wish to keep painting my picture that sits at the other end of this table .. So something of greatness will have to come my way .. I am thinking I am going to go for a car ride to the Americas .. I am going to bring my camera and take pictures .. I think that is what I am going to do ..

Off to find my passport .. Later my favourites !!!!

June filled days

Wow. What a year.

This time last year, all things bad were coming to a head. Well, the volcano had already started erupting a number of months prior, however; at this point last year the writing was already on the wall.

Cancer was busily trying to take me down ... And it became evident that the cure measures had turned drastic. The long days from June, all the way to the very end of July were excruciating. A year later, and I am happy to let that horrific memory fade into oblivion.

Fast forward to this week. I was "promised" I could bring my prosthetic home LAST week, like the week before last. That didn't happen. I was probably slightly disappointed ... Given what I had gone through I said to myself ... Good gawd ... Did I shed a tear when I had to have my leg amputated ... Uhm no ... I certainly wasn't going to shed a tear when I couldn't have a leg when it was "slightly" promised to me ... And even at that ... I wasn't really allowed to do more than simply wear it while "sitting" ... So I wasn't that far ahead.

So this week coming up .. June 15th actually I think I am going to be "allowed" to have this leg "at home" with me ... So this is very exciting news .. Way more exciting than the abysmal news that I had  lived with this time last year.

Just to be clear ... Walking is hard .... It's very hard !! I am not complaining, nor whining, just an observation.

This leg continues to be a bit of a make work project ... I have a kneecap that is way out of kilter, I have to put on my leg that is not the normal way of putting it on, the muscles in the leg are developed in a different way than my left leg, numbness overcomes the leg when it stands in a dependent position, and the fact that it turns ice cold at the base of the leg. So, it has it's challenges, which makes the natural walking stride not so natural feeling. I think this is definitely all something that will definitely happen in time & familiarity, with more "wear" time.

In things full of comedy ... I got an X-ray yesterday .. Of this limb .. (To figure out what this leg is up to ... So the physio, Doc & LegoMan can sort things out ... They have determined they haven't ever encountered something like "this" leg, not sure how this is, but that's how it is) ... Anyways ... Because I actually "had" the leg on, the X-ray techs moved the wheelchair, and then the walker, and then said to me .. "Oh, just go over here" ... I had to say to them 3-4-5 separate times ... "So I know I have two legs  .. But I can't actually walk .. " Which is kinda funny to me .. Not sure how !

So happy to be here, on this June filled day. 

This guy ... Forever smiling .... He's just a character to the tenth degree !!

And this months love affair ... Brought to you by Rice Krispies, bananas, almond milk & chocolate syrup !!!

Here's hoping that

This week can be a whole lot better. Way better.

EVEN though last week was still really really good .... it was rough. To a degree.

So I have had to come to terms with this NO LEG thing until the middle of January. I just really wanted to get MOVING on. So fucking hard to move on, when you simply can't. So the part of the body that was trying to kill me is gone. Long gone, as in 4 1/2 months ago gone. Now the left over person is milling about ... unable to truly "get out there" because I am still missing a kinda sorta vital body part to keep me moving on. A wound that is barely anything ... as in .4 cm x 2 cm is left sitting on my wound edge. Just sitting. It's slowly filling it's way in ... and violently slowly at that.

So ya, no leg till January. Then things will roll.

I have this weirdo ottoback tube thing that I wear now, it's a liner betweent he prosthetic and the leg. I can wear it for about two days, during the day ... and then ... the leg goes violently itchy and blotchy red, and a little extreme on the ouchness of wearing this thing. I am unsure as to whether it is almost an allergic reaction, or it's part of getting used to the silicone. Very bizarre. I did not wear it on Friday, so I could get the leg to settle down. It did, and again I wore it for the two days, and tonight I had to get it off, as it was writhingly turning violent. Odd.

So my fingers are still partly numb, especially the right pinky & ring finger ... now it's seeping into my middle finger ... the left side is not as bad ... just a bit less. AGAIN .. I need to get off this walker mobile ... and life will settle back to boringness. As one can only hope.

And not to be outdone by the fingers ... the right shoulder is ever so slighty destroyed ... it hates me ... still. I thought it was settling down ... but the little bastard is still reminding me that it is every so deeply unhappy with it's efforts in all this walkerness.

Finally, I can say that the face is stopping all it's bullshit hand out pain overload .... It is still every present ... however much more duller than before ... so I am thankful for the itty bitty things that are filtering their way from my life.

And the last point of unstoppable stupidity is this mammogram I am waiting for. God fucking damn it. January better not be the month of my un-doing all over again ...when January 6th rolls around ... it will be a year of "when the big mess started" ... and I would like this next year to be Total Clean-up. Pure and simple.

Meanwhile .... it's me the yoga mat and the christmas tree !!

2016 is going to be the year of replacing lost body parts ... that's all I am looking forward to! Getting my leg ... getting a new tooth put back in my head ... seriously ... just give me a tooth and leg .. and life will be all sweet !!

Five years ago ..

I was staring at a Bob Cat through the den window, and blazing about the backyard catching pictures of it .... terrified that it would come and get me, if I went back there .... gawd .. if only I had known that something for more severe would silently sneak up and try and kill me in the meantime. But it didn't ... and here I am.

The girlie girl has just set foot out the door and off to work she goes ... it is just so very lovely .. my graduated girl ... making her way to the Wally World of entertainment ... I wonder if the Sir let her drive on the way there ... he tends to NOT let her drive when the are out on short excursions .. gawd .. how those minutes count .. when the driving time is precious!

So the fact that I am MINUS a right leg leaves me whirling a bit in the NON driving department .. I am useless to the girl for a driving companion .. which is a shame ... beuse we have lots of time together while we could be out tooling around ... but apparently we are not supposed to be .. so says the universe. I have talked with the agencies that "report on" this sort of stuff .. one agency says I am allowed to drive with her .. and another agency says I can't ... and because the "yes" side has no names attached to it, or I have a "YES YOU CAN" in writing .. I am opting for the NOT driving with her .. because in the end ... the rather very large corporations will have me by the throat if something goes awry.

In things way less boring ... am still waiting on the leg. We have now reached October 10th ... (well duh) ... and no sign of a leg any day soon ... however ... probably at the end of October I am holding out hope that this is where I am heading ... to be "leg-filled" ... har har har ... So I have this "wound edge" from the chop off point that has refused to heal ... little bastard ... BUT NOW .. with some additional TLC and not just letting it sit .. it is getting smaller ... so happy for that. I think there are still some sutures left in the leg as well .. or something .. because on the end of the left side of the chop off point it is irritated enough ... and enough is MORE than enough to stop the "getting the leg" process .. so I have given the leg one more week of "sitting" around and made an appointment with the surgeon .. who hasn't been my surgeon at all .. but rather a covering surgeon who has only seen this wound once, for 22.3 seconds, and the other time just wrote a prescription for the homecare ladies to take out sutures .. kind of comedic .. all the same . a bit of a make work project ... but it may be worth it in the end if there is something niggling away at keeping it unhappy.

The boy has made it to Oshawa today ... him and the band are making their move across the country. This MAY be his breaking point as to whether he is IN or OUT of the music making industry. I have my fingers crossed that the "agents" and entertainment type loving people actually see their worth .. and "do" something to make their work finally worthwhile for them ... yes ... fingers crossed .. big time. OR ... he finds his way back home, and returns to life in the education ways .. and moves on.

Today ... we are in the final stages of changing the girls room for what she has known her whole life as beautiful and sweet, into a young ladies bedroom. It's all very exciting for her!

So here I sit .. with many tasks needed to be tended to, including this "anonymous show" that I am determined to accomplish ... but of coures that involves painting something ... and it is all in my head that this is swirling about ... I "simply" need to forge ahead with the painting process which is very tricky !!

So this time next year .. when it gets to be "six years ago" .. I will have a leg .. and probably wont be sitting here .. bu rather will be engaged in finding great camera adventures ... and slurping back coffee in a thermos along some roadway gathering "autumn"shots ... or EVEN better .. will be sitting organizing photos from a 25 year wedding celebration ... after a cruise !! That's what this chick is waiting for ...

Oh, and in other things .. paid off the mortgage yesterday. Things will be finalized by next week. That's a bit of a hooray.