Moments of what ifs:

There generally comes a day when life slows down to the grinding halt of nothingness. Absolute nothingness. Any reasonable human can seriously ask the question .. You can't be for real?

And yet, I am.

Seven months of hopping around, it begins to take it's toll.

Not in a way that brings about sadness, or in a way of regret, but one of "let's go already."

I have come up upon challenges that are not challenges, but are in fact speed bumps presenting as hurdles. My mindset is still focused on that I can definitely overcome these speed bumps, I just have to stop envisioning them as hurdles.

My hip is tired. Very tired. I begin any task of the day, and I am sorta just worn out faster because this leg is tired of working for two. I have to remind it to be kind to me, and hang on, it won't be long now before it gets to share the work. I have to remember to be gentle to it as well. Which in actuality means that all the tasks that I do, I must simplify, and ease this legs burden.
I need my G.P. To sign a form, which she is impossible to get into.
I have to ensure any appointment I try to make with the G.P. That I actually have a way of getting to the location to see her.
I am anxious to have this V.A.C. Removed to begin my world of rehab. A place where my lovely runner sits quietly on a shelf, waiting for it to begin it's adventures with it's twin! I am certain how I can hear it bellowing .. "Hurry the FRUITBALLS UP you moron!!"
Now I have to go for a Bone Scan, which in my opinion is a waste of time. But that's what I have to do.
I have to start doing my exercises again, which will happen tomorrow, once I get this V.A.C. Off.
I am dealing with the guilt of not exercising this leg, which for me everyday not exercising it, has huge implications when I return to walking in the next number of weeks.
Now I will have to deal with learning to drive with my left foot. I am going to genuinely assume that this will just become habit, and my love to drive will be free to me once again.

This isn't really a list of horrible items, but these are the things that are on my mind, constantly.

Getting my life back into functioning order. This is what I am waiting for. It's only been seven months as a one legged version, but it's been going on FOUR YEARS in the process.

Amputee Advice take 495

Well here we are ... Almost 7 months after this leg is chopped off ... And I now have a little VAC attached to me. This is good. We are on the upswing. We have caught this rather minute little wound making attempts to heal up, and disappear into the land of mysteries.

I would enjoy some rationalization as to why this has taken exactly this long ... Not the VAC, but the process. I want some reasoning behind the purpose as to why this has played out for as long as it has. There has to be a reason why things have just taken this long. AND I am not talking about the human biological process ... In the world according to the universe, there is a larger reason as to howcome this process has continued for so long.

Except I am not partial to that answer.

Is it self-discovery, or one of saving myself, a lesson learned in patience, or the universe just messing with me that I wasn't to be free in this world sporting a way more functional leg, and independent of all things that regular joes can do?

Again, these questions remained unanswered.

I just wrote to a friend ... And thought I would make the timely purchase of the Dr Suess Classic .. "Oh the places you will go" ... Because NOW, today, with this LAST LEG of the race so close .. I feel I have finally reached the finish line, and can embark on my untimely pilgrimage ..... I am ready.... Except I just need a couple centimetres of tissue growth to fill the gap .. Then I am ready.

In other things ...

So the antibiotics almost finished me off. Holy smokes ... They were a bad scene ... Although NOW that I am finished them after a quick four day course, as opposed to the original 14 days I was going to have to suffer from ... They are done, and I hope they remain done.

I did some invigorating chair yoga today ... I think over time I will get better at it ... Currently I just start to laugh. I am not sure why ... I just start laughing ... I think it's the NON quietness of my brain that starts talking to me, not allowing myself to find that claiming spirit or whatever it is. But, I think it's there .. Again ... More time to digest finding the strength to be still and quiet ... When all I think about is being up and at it, and movable and functional. At this moment in time, I come from a place of stillness and quiet ... And when it's "time" to be still and quiet I am having a hard time. Oh well, my very kind of insightful physio said this isn't a race. Which was a really good thing to say ... For me.

Well, the driving situation is about to become real ... Just a number hoops to jump before I begin that process, and then I will be good to go ... Functional driving assessments, people deciding whether you are capable, a doctors visit, money to change hands, then back to other people as to whether or not I can drive, then a phone call to the gadget guy .. And then I don't know .. Driving lessons, and then a road test ... It just goes on and on ... I wish now I would never had said anything ... And carried on like before ... Nobody would be the wiser ...

BUT for now ... Me and this little V.A.C. Will bubble about the home for the next number of days.

Yoga-mat users anonymous.

Yesterday, well, last evening yesterday I used my yoga mat. To simply lay on. Is that being profoundly lazy or not? I did not have any real intentions to actually exercise the leg either. I happily layed there ... And watched "The Office" ... I didn't realize that it was truly a funny show ... OK WELL I knew it was a funny show ... Except I did not take the time to enjoy it ... Now I am ... Except for the small problem of me falling asleep on the yoga mat ... BUT only for a short time .... I didn't sleep for like 43 episodes or anything ... Despite me just documenting that I enjoyed the show .. I still fell asleep. Someone's not telling the truth I am thinking!

So I think I am still going to use the yoga mat today ... Because I actually quite like sitting on it ... Even though I am not so moveable while standing, I am very moveable when sitting!

In speaking/thinking of yoga mats ... The lovely physioga lady will be helping me out in the yoga department once the leg makes a re-appearance. We have determined that we will get some chair yoga going, and then once I can maneuver with the leg machine, we will transition to yoga-ing with the mat ... And me, STANDING .... Holy freazuker-luscious that should be mind bending awesome!

Must. Stop. There.

Can't get ahead of me, a LEG, and a Yoga mat!

Happy New Year to all you yogi's out there !

Somehow all of this doesn't seem quite right. So last year, I had a leg and could drive. So far this year, I am MISSING a leg & have a brand new car, and CAN'T drive!

However, humour prevails, and my GOAL for the end of this year is to gain a leg & the ability to drive. Not a difficult task..... Says me ..... Who still hasn't healed from my leg being chopped off five LONG months ago!