Friday, January 15, 2016

Raw carrots & soup

Interesting day.

I have quietly decided you can just never hand over peace to someone. Not possible. IMpossible. Hugely IMpossible.

My frenzied home bound energy can be a bit on the overwhelming side ... Especially if you are not up to snuff of being on the receiving of the whacky craziness.

I am tired of being locked here, away from people, unable to be free to do as I please, when ever I please, and MORE NOTABLY .. Obligated to be places, where otherwise I have to be away from the home, and out of touch.

In the thrill of never being good enough, the sister was most not pleased with my sudden silence on the texting machine. She fails to realize that I had nothing fucking to say. Not a word. I didn't talk to her, I didn't talk to my any other people, unless they talked to me ... I just haven't.

I gulped fresh air, sat on the porch, even in the pouring rain of winter, ... Just to keep my mind in a stream of moving forward. The sister told me she was pissed that I was silent. I am silent for many reasons.... I have texted before ... Many times, and things have been left, with no message returned. I haven't been bothered to challenge her on her response one time ... "Ah, I didn't feel like it" ... Thanks, good to know that I wasn't worthy.

At the end of the day her mammogram came back pretty much negative. She then said to me that I shouldn't be going to pieces because of her shit .... Uhmmmm .... Thanks, but please don't tell me how to feel, I am allowed to be concerned .... And quite frankly, being locked up in a house ... Unable to partake in the real world .. Sometimes you are left thinking about things a little too often ....

Jesus Fucking Christ .... I wasn't going to pieces ... However ... Knowing that I have another important person in my life walking the same path as her, and me left just waiting in limbo still ... Ya ... I am allowed to feel the way I feel. Fuck.

Oddly enough .. I have been silent ... However ... Probably way more silent because I actually have nothing of any value to contribute .... I am kinda wildly bored being locked in a home that I wish to be away from .... It's almost as though I am waiting for the lottery ticket to cash in .... I dare to dream of the possibilities of what is going to happen around the corner .... Once this leg get's returned to it's starting position!

No soup for you .. Or me....  Just a whole bowl of slop.

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