The life that's in us.

Wow, heavy title. But not really.

So I made my 21 year old son a Betty Crocker birthday cake, in a funnel pan. It broke apart. So did I. How the FUCK does one screw this up?

You have to see it from my perspective ... Doing this all one legged is pretty god damned irritating ...but I go about my business, hoping to make a double chocolate cake for the lovely wild boy ... And the fucking thing breaks.

Is it so hard to screw up a Betty Crocker cake ... Really ..?

In the next instant ... I get a text from my sister ... She has been waiting on test results for a stupid polyp that has decided to grow inside of her ... NEGATIVE, same with the CT Scan.

Two NEGATIVES equal a positive right .. ?

Fuck I hate math ! I hate the rules of math, the concepts, the magics and the unknowns .... It swirls about us unfurling it's infinite ways to which spill unto us .... Determining where and what direction we are headed ....

My direction ... Was tears ... Of madness, of sadness, of relief, or exasperation. I hate the fucking math that comes with Christmas time ... And the number of days it takes for offices & departments to start working again ... We are forced to wait for appointments while the world happily rejoices ... Meanwhile ... Betty Crocker cakes crumble, and then so do we.

Again .. No fucking humour here today ... 

Almost the end ... Near the end ... Happy for the end!

It couldn't be any truer !

This time last year I was quietly waiting for the end of the year, and hesitantly happy for the start of the new year ... Although apprehensive ... But all the same ... Ready to embark upon a year of recovery from a foot surgery.

Wow ... I got more than I bargained for ... An extended journey into hell, three surgeries, a bone infection, and a fourth surgery which resulted in my leg being amputee, my wound still not healing after five months, no chance for a leg until at least February, and a license not amended so I could gain back some independence and DRIVE myself places! And the uncertainties of a CT Scan that will not be resolved until the end of January. This year has been met with truly some challenges.

Even still, I am in a way better place than I was at this time last year ... Although I am still missing my body part, it will come to me, and I will be stronger!!

I am ever so happy to be ending off this year in some solitude that life will resume it's regular pace, and I will be pleased to help individuals as the need arises. Sounds odd, but those "go fund me" pages that request money for things ... To help people out ... They are a good thing ... So I have decided. Where currently I can not do errands for people, or offer up any type of hands on help, I can offer up the gift of money, in their times of need.

I so can't wait for the end of January to make it's appearance ... !!!! A leg, a tooth, and a left gas peddle adaptor are all on the horizon ... Now all I need is for that sunrise to make it's debut!! I will be so grateful for the end of this year's darkness ... It's almost the end!!!!