Today finally arrived.

This day took forever to get here.

I am fascinated that TODAY ... Arrived on the same day that a loved one had passed. I can't help but think of the reason for that ... !! I think that spirit father of mine had something to do with it.

My mom was fascinated with the spirit church thingy-majig. One day I will take her.

SO ... Today ... TODAY I got to stand on my lovely fake leg. It was so lovely to stand on that leg. Unbelievable beautiful actually.

My best best moment was The Lego Man ... Just sitting back, and giving me that moment of standing on that leg ... Letting me feel intact and whole again,... Letting me feel BETTER than I felt in so many months that have turned into years ... He just backed up, and let me have that moment of feeling like the person I once was, before this "thing" took over.

For comfort and safety sake .. I wore my green comfy vest ... What an unbelievable high.

Prosthetics ... What a pretty cool profession ... I certainly couldn't do it ... But GLAD somebody can!

Here's hoping that

This week can be a whole lot better. Way better.

EVEN though last week was still really really good .... it was rough. To a degree.

So I have had to come to terms with this NO LEG thing until the middle of January. I just really wanted to get MOVING on. So fucking hard to move on, when you simply can't. So the part of the body that was trying to kill me is gone. Long gone, as in 4 1/2 months ago gone. Now the left over person is milling about ... unable to truly "get out there" because I am still missing a kinda sorta vital body part to keep me moving on. A wound that is barely anything ... as in .4 cm x 2 cm is left sitting on my wound edge. Just sitting. It's slowly filling it's way in ... and violently slowly at that.

So ya, no leg till January. Then things will roll.

I have this weirdo ottoback tube thing that I wear now, it's a liner betweent he prosthetic and the leg. I can wear it for about two days, during the day ... and then ... the leg goes violently itchy and blotchy red, and a little extreme on the ouchness of wearing this thing. I am unsure as to whether it is almost an allergic reaction, or it's part of getting used to the silicone. Very bizarre. I did not wear it on Friday, so I could get the leg to settle down. It did, and again I wore it for the two days, and tonight I had to get it off, as it was writhingly turning violent. Odd.

So my fingers are still partly numb, especially the right pinky & ring finger ... now it's seeping into my middle finger ... the left side is not as bad ... just a bit less. AGAIN .. I need to get off this walker mobile ... and life will settle back to boringness. As one can only hope.

And not to be outdone by the fingers ... the right shoulder is ever so slighty destroyed ... it hates me ... still. I thought it was settling down ... but the little bastard is still reminding me that it is every so deeply unhappy with it's efforts in all this walkerness.

Finally, I can say that the face is stopping all it's bullshit hand out pain overload .... It is still every present ... however much more duller than before ... so I am thankful for the itty bitty things that are filtering their way from my life.

And the last point of unstoppable stupidity is this mammogram I am waiting for. God fucking damn it. January better not be the month of my un-doing all over again ...when January 6th rolls around ... it will be a year of "when the big mess started" ... and I would like this next year to be Total Clean-up. Pure and simple.

Meanwhile .... it's me the yoga mat and the christmas tree !!

2016 is going to be the year of replacing lost body parts ... that's all I am looking forward to! Getting my leg ... getting a new tooth put back in my head ... seriously ... just give me a tooth and leg .. and life will be all sweet !!