Treadmill trekking!!!

Today !!! I walked on a treadmill .... The first time in over 4 years that I walked at a pace that didn't involve a limp, or in agonizing pain.

Yes, and in the process the treadmill said I burned 9 calories ... NINE WHOLE CALORIES!!!

The physio claims that I burned a whole lot more ... She said that people that are working harder at working burn more calories than the regular folk.

The best thing is I WALKED!!!! It was lovely and beautiful and simply enjoyable to keep plodding in a forward direction ...

The nice thing is she recognized that I was able to walk faster, and with a longer stride, and when that happened ... The walking became much more patterned and second natured ... But then the treadmill can have that effect on someone ...

So today I trekked on the treadmill, but in my mind, I might as well have finished a marathon!

Seriously for REAL !

I have a leg home with me ... All weekend long .. I have a leg ... !!!

Yes, the dream of dreams has finally happened .. And I was able to bring my leg home on Friday, with the strict instructions I could wear it off and on for 3-4 times a day, a half hour at a time.

Friday I gardened (well, I chopped fallen branches, does that account for "gardening!"). I did eventually put the leg on, and bumbled about .. Me and my walker ..

Yesterday, I visited the sister, and her newly acquired "golden retriever" = "heart melter" for hours, which to me there was no purpose in wearing the leg, since it involved, on and off, and moving and stepping, and a whole lot of thinking about how to get the leg inside as it was pouring. Eventually upon my return, I had to do dishes, and then wash my hair, so I donned the leg for all that great excitement .. And then we went out, so that was it for yesterday.

Today ... Being just nine a.m. I am yet to put it on, and "I believe" the weather gods have cleared the schedule of rain showers and an over abundance of clouds, so that it will clear up, and I can resume my yard duties ... So the leg will certainly not be in fair use at that point either.

And to think, ... The physio was terrified that I was going to overuse my leg.... Currently my activities consist of things that it is simply easier to move about legless.

Go figure.  

June filled days

Wow. What a year.

This time last year, all things bad were coming to a head. Well, the volcano had already started erupting a number of months prior, however; at this point last year the writing was already on the wall.

Cancer was busily trying to take me down ... And it became evident that the cure measures had turned drastic. The long days from June, all the way to the very end of July were excruciating. A year later, and I am happy to let that horrific memory fade into oblivion.

Fast forward to this week. I was "promised" I could bring my prosthetic home LAST week, like the week before last. That didn't happen. I was probably slightly disappointed ... Given what I had gone through I said to myself ... Good gawd ... Did I shed a tear when I had to have my leg amputated ... Uhm no ... I certainly wasn't going to shed a tear when I couldn't have a leg when it was "slightly" promised to me ... And even at that ... I wasn't really allowed to do more than simply wear it while "sitting" ... So I wasn't that far ahead.

So this week coming up .. June 15th actually I think I am going to be "allowed" to have this leg "at home" with me ... So this is very exciting news .. Way more exciting than the abysmal news that I had  lived with this time last year.

Just to be clear ... Walking is hard .... It's very hard !! I am not complaining, nor whining, just an observation.

This leg continues to be a bit of a make work project ... I have a kneecap that is way out of kilter, I have to put on my leg that is not the normal way of putting it on, the muscles in the leg are developed in a different way than my left leg, numbness overcomes the leg when it stands in a dependent position, and the fact that it turns ice cold at the base of the leg. So, it has it's challenges, which makes the natural walking stride not so natural feeling. I think this is definitely all something that will definitely happen in time & familiarity, with more "wear" time.

In things full of comedy ... I got an X-ray yesterday .. Of this limb .. (To figure out what this leg is up to ... So the physio, Doc & LegoMan can sort things out ... They have determined they haven't ever encountered something like "this" leg, not sure how this is, but that's how it is) ... Anyways ... Because I actually "had" the leg on, the X-ray techs moved the wheelchair, and then the walker, and then said to me .. "Oh, just go over here" ... I had to say to them 3-4-5 separate times ... "So I know I have two legs  .. But I can't actually walk .. " Which is kinda funny to me .. Not sure how !

So happy to be here, on this June filled day. 

This guy ... Forever smiling .... He's just a character to the tenth degree !!

And this months love affair ... Brought to you by Rice Krispies, bananas, almond milk & chocolate syrup !!!

A reason to write:

I just got back from rehab a while ago.

How free, lovely and boring of me ... I drive over to rehab, pull on a leg, and walk back and forth on a long wooden board with handrails ...

HOW IS THAT for cool and boring!!?!

Last week I had a little breakdown into tears .. Taking those first steps after many LONG months of enduring the process of hopping, and before that, the exhaustingly horrific months of constant mind numbing pain and fear that this horrible cancer was searching out another hiding spot in my body.

TODAY ... I said to the physio lady ... This feels like I am walking in my running shoe, except it's my leg ...

HOW BEAUTIFUL is THAT????

I have been avoiding this little space .. So much has happened .. And I am free to be... And that I am. I can't believe that I haven't taken the time to capture the shear excitement of my first steps ... But then again ... It isn't so awesome, everybody walks - more or less ... I knew eventually this is the space I would find myself in ... Which I am HUGELY grateful for ...

Yesterday I grimaced .. And the  physio lady asked if I was in pain ... "No, not at all", I said ... " I am just trying to concentrate" .... The reason being ... I am visiting the rehab department .. Where the majority of the folks are recovering from Strokes, and at my time, I am the only one minus a limb. All I could think about was ... "Deanna, when is it going to be your chance to start back again ... " All I could think about were the possibilities that were within reach of my own personal successes, as long as I kept walking... I was grimacing as I continued to take my steps because I was telling myself to stay focused in the "here and now" ... Stop looking to the future ... It will happen, as it happens... But I am so happy and thankful and anxious to further my journey ... And my journey with belonging to the stroke community ... And I just want to be back, making a difference, if that is what I am doing when I am there ...

I did find a reason to come here today ... I always wonder about the difference that I might to people in the world, and I feel that it is never enough ... At least not right now ... So I found myself hunting about on Facebook as a lunchtime distraction ... And I found this guy:

https://colontosemicolon.com/

https://www.gofundme.com/canadianbucketlist


TALK about making a difference, talk about changing people's lives, talk about a purpose, talk about the evils and ravages that cancer has on individuals and their families ... THIS guys single idea will make such a difference to people in their journey's .... I very much feel it is a worthwhile cause ... I felt a little inspired to come here today and whisper a couple of humour words ... Thanks to this stranger.

Under 30 crowd

Yes peeps, this is the truth ... You are the crowd, and I am under the 30 day mark of NOT writing on this little whiteboard of mine.

Much has happened, as it was supposed to ...

I finally had a revision of my little more than half healed incision line. FINALLY.  NOW, it is just a bit of time before this leg heals up. FFS FINALLY. That's all I can say.

The BOY played with his band. I missed it. BUT I got to see it on video. Ever more better I say !!

GUESS WHO can finally drive their car?? BIG HINT: Not my daughter!

Yes folks, I finally was able to sit my crooked behind into the DRIVER'S seat of my car .. What an experience ... I drove down the street kinda squealing..... Sorta lots actually ... And I drove around and around and around ... In circles ... Like my crescent is .. Well, it's more the shape of a super long track ... But all the same .. There I drove ... Around and around. An hour later ... I drove the girl someplace... Of course!

Then, I got adventuresome .. And drove down to the bear location. And just sat, breathing the moment of almost accomplishment mixed with freedom ... Finally the moment had arrived where I was starting to get my life back ...

The very next day .. I went off to the gardening place .. And purchased flowers ... Little by little things are happening.

Then, the next day ... Larger adventures ... I drove to Harrsison Hot Springs. Myself and the girl. She made me do it ... That's when I realized ... This is good, I can drive ... MY left foot just over. The first day out I was in silence in the car .. The continuous .. "Gas left, Brake right" .. Playing through my brain .. Then the next day .. I used some quieter music .. And then the next day I had the girlie girl talking at me, and we were playing music ... Every once in a while.. I thought in my head .. "Gas left, brake right"....

Yesterday in all things grand .. I was wildly wild .. Just wild ... About being stifled for so freaking long .. I was most upset with my back triangle yard ... Morning Glory has come in and taken over the last number of years, and I haven't been able to get a hold of it ... (Well, a hold of stemming it's tide of flourishing wreckidness !!) ... And I was tired of raking, fighting with my walker, and playing with the dog who insisted on dropping his toy in my way with every move ... And plunking out morning glory .. I just hate that shit .. Who invented SEEDS for it ... !!! ... So I eventually threw my walker ... Who knew that walkers could fly that far ... Sigh ... So then I sat there .. Thinking to myself .. SHIT ... Cheesus that walker went airborne .. How the fucking fruitballs did that happen ... ??? So eventually I sorta crab walked to fetch the freaking thing .. That is when the husband man saw me ... And helped me retrieve it .. Although I didn't ask him to .. Since the walker was "over there" because of me ... Good thing all things "dog" had been picked up .. And I had just raked the area free of debris AND I had gloves on ... There're are some good things to throwing your walker ... 

If I could only...

Make it to the fast lane I would.

Well, two weeks worth of waiting .. And this is what I have accomplished ...

After speaking with Road Safety BC I was informed that it would take an andditional FOUR months to process my application post driving assessment. Four FUCKING months, yes you read that right. After the first 4 1/2 FUCKING months it took for the bastards to "assess" the driver license status in the first place.

I received a letter on February 19th (that had been dated Feb 5), that stated that they had funded me for a driving assessment, as long as it was completed 60 days within the original date of the letter.  Cool, thank you VERY MUCH, that's only $1200.00 dollars saved! ... But of course ....  Kabang, the little tiny problem of the little tiny wound ... That needed a VAC. The VAC was on and off again in 5 days, which helped the hurry up and heal already by months upon months. After it had been removed, I called the driving assessment location, and arranged for the first available appointment ... March 16th ... Phew ... Under the 60 day mark, however 6 weeks past the original letter dated Feb 5.

March 16th arrives with much fanfare and memories ... A massive windstorm, traffic delays, & power outages ... Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME  .... The OT indicated to me that she would send the assessment out the following week, on Monday orTuesday .. (My brain silently exploded as to WHY she couldn't just send it out the following day ... ), with people comes PAPERwork ...

I called the driving assessment place this past Friday. I was informed that the paperwork was not processed to Road Safety BC only this past week ... (A FULL week after what the OT had stated). Not a big deal right ...... You are so FUCKING wrong ... !!!! GET this ... It takes 7-10 working days for the assessments to even be processed as "received" ... Which means that they attach it to your file. That means exactly that ... They have only "received" it, not that they are processing it. So a week, delay is a really really really BIG deal ... As the applications are processed in the order to which they are received ... So delaying the "sending of the file" has a huge impact ... Especially being on the receiving end of all this.

Hence my gasping for breath on the phone the other day when I was now told it would be approximately four months before I could even see the light of the day with seeing my drivers license  amended.

Are you fucking fucking fucking fucking for real ??? I SCREAMED in my brain ... However; shockingly amazingly miraculously I remain composed and polite and widely kind after been on the receiving end of that blow. The person on the other end of the phone told me that I was the nicest person she had spoke to on the phone the whole day ... It was 3:25 in the afternoon ....

So on that end, it renewed my hatred for the human population behaving insanely cruel to people just trying to do their jobs, I have even a more impassioned hatred for the government and their underfunding of departments where people like me are caught up in a process of paperwork. HUGE HATRED !!!! But I guess you would not have gotten that from this "lightly" written assignment of formuated words ...

How does one recover from this .... YOU FUCKING REFRAME YOUR THINKING.

Currently I am missing my right leg .... IF I were to have waited until I got my "right" leg back to drive with ... Well, then I am still many months away from "walking" on this new leg, let alone driving with it ... And THAT'S how you reframe a MAJOR time shift .... I will drive once my new leg is restored, it is now just THAT simple.

That's the MANTRA ..... If I could only .... Make it to the fast lane ... I would simply say it faster !

In other things .....the game changer might have occurred ... That master musician son of mine might have probably made the best move of his life ... Booked a flight to Toronto ... Playing at Canada Music Week, quit his job .. 

Undertakings 101

And here we have it... Some stuff, or undertakings as you will:

The face clothes in my home keep disappearing ... I haven't quite figured out to what level of hell they find themselves in ... But alas I have taken it upon myself to recreate what I have, and yet has gone missing. Currently am in love with the cast on stitch, as it will match the cast off stitch ... My little complaint about knitting ... Thank you Pinterest for all your smartness !!

This is the gazillion worth of hours of 'the tam' that I built for my mom. It was a delightful weight upon her head ... Just enough to cover her hair, and yet not too heavy to proclaim ... "Bad hair day, look out!" I am most pleased with how it turned out ... I will be re-doing this pattern in turquoise .. For ME ! I was quite fortunate to have a season of house of cards to watch while knitting ... I'm hoping I could get so lucky on my next attempt!

In other things ... In larger under takings that might lead me to moving more than all the sitting that is happening from the above .... I saw the surgeon. I will hope that all her prodding the leg will not incense the living shit out of it .. As that happened to me in January ... The Rehab Doc upset the little wound and it lead to a breakdown in it's happy state ... Which has set me back to this ... So now, after the surgeon has touched it .. I will HOPE that the little tiny spot has had time to KNIT itself back together, and will not mind all the pushing and shoving that she instilled upon it yesterday. It has TWO weeks to sort itself out. I think it will ... It has to, otherwise the alternative is going to set me back months, on top of the months that this has set me back .. Except .. Who's counting ... ??

The boy in the non-band MIGHT have something in the works ... A trip back to Toronto. On an airplane... Hopefully THIS might lead them SOMEWHERE.

Now, onto MORE undertakings ... 

Settling the dust plumes

A number of days later, and I have re-appeared.

One would have thought that my return to driving seems to have unsettled the whole freaking universe. There were definite signs that "Mother Nature" was trying to one up me, this past Thursday. She and her universe of parading elements of weather forces did an excellent job of trying to keep me from my 0900 appointment.

Fortunately for the wonderful insight, and the middle aged mind & lack of sleep induced friend she left her home VERY EARLY in the morning to ensure that my arrival time for my "assessment" would not be interrupted by Mother Nature. And it wasn't.

The assessment itself wasn't very taxing, with of course the exception that I forgot that one needs draw lines from smaller numbers to larger numbers, to connect the dots. I won't go into detail, but the impact of the insult into how mortally wounded I felt in one short minute is rather life impacting. One that sorts through moments of their life, and resorts, and resorts again for  good measure doesn't do well with this kind of information rattling on and on and on in their brain. .... THIS person had to say enough ... It was a less than a MINUTE in my life ... I need to stop thinking about this. And done.

In other things that have been interesting .. For a number of months I have ALSO been rattling through my brain ... Gas LEFT, brake RIGHT ... NON STOP. (This is where the O.C.D. Thing does come in handy !) ... And visualizing moving my foot from the gas on the LEFT, to brake on the RIGHT.

I got to drive a little car ... And drive I did !! I was a very smooth operator! After not driving for close to a year ... I managed to what I thought was absolutely reasonable..... I never slammed the brakes or mixed up my peddles ... I just cruised about .. And eventually made my way to way busier streets, and was able to drive the two folks in the car back to the business park. I did stop half way, and the O.T. Said that at that point it was generally determined whether one was fit to drive, and it was up to me if I wished to drive back to the business park. I gave it a moment's thought actually. Had I had enough for the day? Would stopping the driving at that point give the O.T. Reason to conclude that I didn't have the confidence to drive, or would this show that I was over confident in my thinking, and willing to take risks that I otherwise shouldn't. One does not know what an assessor is going to interpret. I chose to carry on, as I sort of considered this the moment of sliding off a horse ... It was important to get back up on this horse, and just continue on riding ... My ability to be successful was not hindered by the "opposite" way of thinking, or the fact that I was in a smaller car, driving in an unfamiliar location, or taking direction and instruction from somebody else, or the fact that someone was in the back watching every move I made, good or bad .. Like stopping over the the stop line, a beautiful habit of 34 years of driving  ! I was able to curb that .. But probably not quickly enough.

Previously ... I was fortunate when I sat behind the little "make shift" driving apparatus ... tears welled up into my eyes .. And just said "this has just taken so long" .. I can't believe today has finally arrived, and I am here ... It is true, the time had whittled away into months upon months, and process after process, and hoops after hoops .. And amidst the momentary burst of tears that trickled from my eyes, I apologized saying that I wasn't sure if it would happen in the office, or in the car .. but at any rate ... They are really tears of rejoicing that I although I am still down a leg, I am making steps forward ..  And there I sat on a wickedly blustery violent weather filled day, looking out a window, and sitting at a driving apparatus ... That was my moment looking out to the world, where freedom of confinement would be a thing of the past!

In things that were very great in my life that day ... I had my hilarious friend with me .... Where I can definitely thank "The Universe" for her and mine paths to cross ... Only 40 short years ago. OMFG .. Holy shit .. !!!! How the dust flies ... And just when I got the plumes settled ! 

Duo Lingo

Well ... I am still waiting, with lots of GREAT things to attend to while waiting for a leg to be delivered!

So living out here ... Way on the WEST COAST ... I will admittedly say that OUR official second language is not so prevalent in our day to day life.

Growing up, going to school, being introduced to a second language all the way into the fourth grade was completely a foreign and almost un fathomable way of thinking ... All.those.years.ago.

Unfortunately, while growing up in our families home, a second language was not considered to be an asset, or a way as bettering ourselves, it was (I would think now actually) looked upon as a threat. My parents (from what I can conjure up as a memory), viewed this as something that was being crammed down our throats, rather than looked upon as an opportunity to help in putting our best foot forward. Perhaps it was a political stance that was taken, or "their" view that "the frenchies" were taking over... I an not sure of their reasoning, but all the same. I will attest that I MISSED OUT.

I remember a time when my sister approached my parents when she was in Grade 9, and ASKED for PERMISSION to be a part of the French Immersion program at our Junior High School. This was a big deal... And I remember feeling so proud of my sister for being so brave, and setting the bar higher for herself, not only for improving her knowledge, but standing up to my parents for her own sake of learning. In the end, I know my Dad was quite proud that she became bilingual.

I have a fellow that I know that speaks six PLUS languages, and another speaks three. WHEN, WHERE & HOW do you acquire this amount of learning ... Well .. It comes from being exposed to it I guess ...

Well ... And there you have it ... I was busily knitting the other day ... As I have been for months .. And I asked  myself .. "Why not me?" ... Out of the blue ... This question popped up .. And who really knows WHY the question arose ... However I interpreted it as "Why can't I learn to speak another language?" ...

Fortunately .. In this VAST day of knowledge at your fingertips ... I immediately turned to the APP store and downloaded something called "Duo Lingo" ... And I have been learning French ever since! That said ... There will NOT be a day SOON where I will be speaking French out and about and in the open ... BUT I have opened the door to opportunity!!

I think I might love that ... Now, if only I can get George Clooney to speak to me ... But he would have to do in Italian I'm thinking .. And THAT is a whole other lesson my friends ... 

Knitting in the round.

This has more than one meaning ... When you are busily knitting back together a leg .. It's round, and the cells are doing their knitting ... Along with me ... I am currently knitting a "tam" .. It's a lovely coloured tam ... And I just keep knitting and knitting with 2.5 mm needles ... That is quite the small scale of knitting I will admit!

So I am not sure what the situation with this non broke, but broken in a way knitting mishap I have going on in the leg. It is genuinely doing it's thing ... And taking it's freaking time . I guess it's just really pissed that it is being forced back together .. Without it's consent. Little does the very tiny wound know that I consented to this a great while ago, and it's time for it to get itself on board the healing train, and heal ... Like NOW.

I have some "prisma" set inside the edge, which has been there for a week for or two .. And it's still hissy fitting it's way to the bitter end ... I will rephrase that thought ... "BETTER end" ... I was sincerely hoping that in less than a week this would be gone, and I am of course hopeful that it will be. For "holy-don't-feel-like-swearing-this-second-sake" ....

In other things for real:

Still TWO days away from the driving thing. Holy SHIT .. Could time stand still any quicker?  Even after I complete that assessment .. I will be waiting for information to exchange hands ... And THAT somedays takes forever !!!!!

I have decided to let my book go that I was reading .. Sorry Alexander McCall Smtih ... Not excited about your Bertie book this time around, I think it would be OK, I am just not that deeply committed to trying to like a book any longer ... There are just so many to read anyways .. I will stick with the REALLY good ones! ... However ... I do love the "#1 Ladies Detective Agency books" ... Now those are the cutest things going!

Oh, and beetled off to Tim Horton's today ... I caught up with the man that makes changes ... He was looking at a door .. I pointed out the task of maneuvering through the parking lot being a  "disabled person" ... And  asked him if he could change the configuration of the cement barricades for disabled people ... He said they never considered the issues  ... Until I pointed it out to him ...

In the meantime ... This wild woman will remain at her post ... Knitting in the round ... Or however that is going down today in these parts!

LOOK. AT. THESE!!!!!!

So, in adventures that would be considered HOARDING ... (Or not!), I have purchased these OLD & yet  elegant spoons from Europe. How exciting for me .. I'm onto some hopefully greater adventures in the old spoon resurrecting department.

I know, all of YOU, my ever so faithful readers are now immensely jealous. How could you not be? Who wouldn't want 16 collector spoons .. ? Pinterest here I come!! (I ALREADY have something in mind! .. So even though I can not get out to  purchase my wares of whimsy ... I am somehow bringing them to me anyways!!

Hop to it I say ...

Hello and welcome to the most grandiose blog on the internets. Apart from the beautiful colours, pretty fonts &swirls, plus an outdated photo ... Things here are pretty much the "how to" of creating excitement in a life that very much qualifies for the hands down title of  "The Life of a Duldrum Addict".

For real.

Did I mention I planted some primulas? I did. That was spectacular!!! I might have mentioned that too, apologies. Did I also mention that in an effort to plant them, there was teamwork involved. That is where the husbandman came in. He drove me to the garden center, carried the dirt, and the plants to the car and from the car,  and found the pots, and got a tarp, and put everything on the back of the girlie girls car, and poured the dirt, and stood there ... While I took the primilas out of their containers, and put dirt around them. Whala! I planted something! But here's the big kicker folks ... I smelled dirt, and got to feel plant life beneath my fingertips, I got to make the decision as to "yes, let's just put these in this pot" ... And then watched as he set them on the front steps. I might have mentioned all this ... So sad you are doing a read over ... However .. I am still thrilled at the gift of time and experience of doing such a simple endeavour with the kind hearted husbandman. And THAT is the feeling that I am stuck on. Plus, the primulas are pretty.

In other things ...

The task of the impossible "driving" is still on the scale of over the top ridiculous .. And numerous times a day I am hearing myself talking away in my head ... This is the process, this is the process, this is the process, this is the process ... All the while I just keep seeing the sands of time attached to little pieces of helium, and rather than falling gently on top of one another .. They just sort of sit in the hourglass and gently hover about, never really reaching their destination.  If one has ever wanted to time travel so freaking badly in their life, it would be right about now.

NEXT week ... NEXT Monday ... I will go back and see the orthopedic surgeon ... A make work project, yet again. IT will be THIS moment in time, when my time traveling will have finally paid off, as it will be THIS moment when the road to freedom will happen! AT least one can assume this .. Which I willy nilly am going to stick to.

In other things that impact this life:

Growth.

There's an ebb and flow to parenthood I would surmise. You watch, and nurture, and mentor, and navigate, and guide. Then there's the fleeting moments of all this natural back and forth when one needs to leap .. And whether it's taking that leap of faith, or leaping onto unsteady ground, the leap has to take place, amidst the ebb and flow, in order to move on. Leaping is hard, probably not as hard as hopping, but leaping is knowing that there might be that soft landing, or a sense of balance once you have worked up the courage to leap. Both of these children are at the ebb and flow stage that leaping might be the best things for them, in their personal growth. I can see it, however; as all these parental duties are configuring around them ... How do I encourage that LEAP, without encouraging that leap ... Is it TIME.  Time and growth, growth and time. I will have to see which one plays out. They are both so ready.

Let's just hop to it ...

LEAPING into spring!!

Well ... Here we have a day that is just a mere four years around the corner from the LAST 29th.

Time flies, sort of.

I know that four years ago I was apparently on a journey into hell, of which .. Well how would I know .. Who signs up for that stuff !! Of course there is the mistake of going through "It's a Small World" at DisneyLand .... But THOSE people did that to themselves!!! Getting on that boat and all .. And floating about for an extra ordinate amount of time. Yes, it's a small world ... And Mr Disney seemed to figure it out way before the Internet did ! Wow! What a smarty pants !

So the non band boy's new single came out. Again, can't help but love it. Why is the Canadian Music Industry just so darn feeble ... ? All of those young fellows have heaps among heaps of marketable talent ... Huge heaps .... And waiting ... For their turn to share their passion. And it's wonderful.

https://open.spotify.com/track/7oMztQ1sOK7L0ge69nY5c2

If all of my awesome, loyal and amazing reader fans that I have could share this to 549 of their closest friends, perhaps we could find somebody to market these awesome guys!!

In other leaps of faith:

My knitting ability ....TY Pinterest for the reminder ..  I am going to have to ramp up the current work schematic and get a project done. AND, thank you again Bob Ross, you have instilled my passion to put paint to canvas. I can do this ... I just have to go get my paints, and canvas ... It's in the other room !

SO ... I did manage to almost get a new body part last week ... An IMPLANT .. Of the TOOTH variety !!! Well, like everything ... I will get "it" someday ... Just not TODAY! However ... The first part is done ... Now the waiting .. And then in four months a sparkly new molar that will be able to live in my mouth forever!! It is most exciting to really be working at getting myself put back together! Oh such little things are making me HUGELY happy!

And in other assorted tidbits:

I went grocery shopping yesterday ... It's always all good .. Till I get to the other end of the store ... And there is no place to "take a break" .. Unless I hop my way back to the other end of the store ... And find a seat ... The ONE saving grace is the fact that "at the other end of the store" is the freezer section .. So I can linger much longer, and be quite happy that even though the body has heated up considerably because of the "workout" world I had just entered .. There is a sit tight spot until the King husbandman has returned with the cart of groceries.

All good fun ... In the missing leg department.

Happy LEAP day to those that do leap about, because it is leap year!

TOMORROW: It's spring ! (According to the calendar of "DeannaLand")

Amputee Advice Case file # 865

Today in amputee life of major proportions of frustration:

It seems that driving is a task beyond the horizon. Just a process of hurdles and hurdles. I would like it better if the process would just simply work. But it doesn't. I can't get someone to sign a form, with them not seeing me. It's a pain the ass. They don't need to see me. They fill in answers on a form, and then they sign it. What I want is some ink from their pen. I am not actually going to see my GP anyways ... I get to see a complete stranger, and she gets to sign off on me. How nice. A make work project.

Of course then there is the process of getting a bone scan. Of course the surgeons office secretary would have to fax a piece of paper from her office, to the hospital to get the bone scan scheduled. I have waited a week to hear from "someone", OF COURSE relying on the process that this would be the case .. .that the system would work. But it doesn't. Nobody knows that I am needing a bone scan. So I called the surgeons office back, to talk to an answering machine, and hope that the secretary did in fact fax the info. Most annoying ... After a week worth of waiting.

The LARGER process here is ... That I require somebody to DRIVE me .... See paragraph ONE.

Feel my frustration. Now times that by 1942. That is how I'm feeling right about now.

In things that are not so useless feeling ... I started a new wash clothe pattern ... It seems adequate .... So that is a good thing. Oh, and I am getting my hair coloured Wednesday ... To give it that boring brown but slightly natural but not natural look back!!

And in things that are causing confusion:

The band wants the boy to come back. Of course they do. They have good feelings that things are going to happen. Of course they do. Are they going to happen ... ? Right ... I seemed to have lost my crystal ball ... And just at a crucial time in life ... Again!  

Moments of what ifs:

There generally comes a day when life slows down to the grinding halt of nothingness. Absolute nothingness. Any reasonable human can seriously ask the question .. You can't be for real?

And yet, I am.

Seven months of hopping around, it begins to take it's toll.

Not in a way that brings about sadness, or in a way of regret, but one of "let's go already."

I have come up upon challenges that are not challenges, but are in fact speed bumps presenting as hurdles. My mindset is still focused on that I can definitely overcome these speed bumps, I just have to stop envisioning them as hurdles.

My hip is tired. Very tired. I begin any task of the day, and I am sorta just worn out faster because this leg is tired of working for two. I have to remind it to be kind to me, and hang on, it won't be long now before it gets to share the work. I have to remember to be gentle to it as well. Which in actuality means that all the tasks that I do, I must simplify, and ease this legs burden.
I need my G.P. To sign a form, which she is impossible to get into.
I have to ensure any appointment I try to make with the G.P. That I actually have a way of getting to the location to see her.
I am anxious to have this V.A.C. Removed to begin my world of rehab. A place where my lovely runner sits quietly on a shelf, waiting for it to begin it's adventures with it's twin! I am certain how I can hear it bellowing .. "Hurry the FRUITBALLS UP you moron!!"
Now I have to go for a Bone Scan, which in my opinion is a waste of time. But that's what I have to do.
I have to start doing my exercises again, which will happen tomorrow, once I get this V.A.C. Off.
I am dealing with the guilt of not exercising this leg, which for me everyday not exercising it, has huge implications when I return to walking in the next number of weeks.
Now I will have to deal with learning to drive with my left foot. I am going to genuinely assume that this will just become habit, and my love to drive will be free to me once again.

This isn't really a list of horrible items, but these are the things that are on my mind, constantly.

Getting my life back into functioning order. This is what I am waiting for. It's only been seven months as a one legged version, but it's been going on FOUR YEARS in the process.

In the life of a book lover from this week:

Excellent ... Loved it .. From start to finish ... Actually inspiring ... Life is not a race (not that I am currently entered in one) ,,, but a long journey ... This lead me to believe that all things are just simply out there ... If you reach for them ... Or walk .. Or go on a pilgrimage ... Whatever the words of the day you choose!

Very nice book ... Different from his others ... 

Good Wine text post - post meditation.

This is when things go wrong ...

I attempted meditation, which I am very much a believer in.

First time around wasn't so successful ... Albeit .. I am interested in it ... And appreciative of it, coming my way via the App Store. Thank you very much. ... For my much Apple-ness.

 Things that should be peaceful, mindful, gentle and rejuvenating, and this is how I end up ... With the thought process below. .... Ok seriously ... You have to wonder how my friends really do see me ...

And off I texted this:

Happy wine drinking day ... Will you ... Or won't you drink wine today, and more importantly .. Drink a good bottle of wine ... ?  I don't even know if you will get this message ... And THIS concerns me ... What happens if you don't find out it's international wine drinking day ...? You know ... I don't think it should be today ... This great even should happen in the summer time ... It seems way better of an idea around it .. Or wait .. They should combine the family day holiday with the international wine drinking day ... Now that would make for a great long weekend experience. I was just doing some meditation ... Can you tell ... I don't think it went well ... I got to the point in the audio where the guy is saying ... "Feel you hand tingling" ...well my right hand totally tingles .. All the time ... Non stop ... That would be from nerve damage from my hopping like a crazed person .. Anyways .. I am sitting here with my eyes closed .. Feeling the tingling ... And waiting .. For my next instruction .. So finally I open my eyes .. And realize the audio had stopped ... How convenient ... At least he had it right with the tingling hand. GAWD .... OK .. I might Have to  copy and paste this ... in the meantime ... Make time for wine!

It's good to be me. Other's might not be so brave.

Amputee Advice take 495

Well here we are ... Almost 7 months after this leg is chopped off ... And I now have a little VAC attached to me. This is good. We are on the upswing. We have caught this rather minute little wound making attempts to heal up, and disappear into the land of mysteries.

I would enjoy some rationalization as to why this has taken exactly this long ... Not the VAC, but the process. I want some reasoning behind the purpose as to why this has played out for as long as it has. There has to be a reason why things have just taken this long. AND I am not talking about the human biological process ... In the world according to the universe, there is a larger reason as to howcome this process has continued for so long.

Except I am not partial to that answer.

Is it self-discovery, or one of saving myself, a lesson learned in patience, or the universe just messing with me that I wasn't to be free in this world sporting a way more functional leg, and independent of all things that regular joes can do?

Again, these questions remained unanswered.

I just wrote to a friend ... And thought I would make the timely purchase of the Dr Suess Classic .. "Oh the places you will go" ... Because NOW, today, with this LAST LEG of the race so close .. I feel I have finally reached the finish line, and can embark on my untimely pilgrimage ..... I am ready.... Except I just need a couple centimetres of tissue growth to fill the gap .. Then I am ready.

In other things ...

So the antibiotics almost finished me off. Holy smokes ... They were a bad scene ... Although NOW that I am finished them after a quick four day course, as opposed to the original 14 days I was going to have to suffer from ... They are done, and I hope they remain done.

I did some invigorating chair yoga today ... I think over time I will get better at it ... Currently I just start to laugh. I am not sure why ... I just start laughing ... I think it's the NON quietness of my brain that starts talking to me, not allowing myself to find that claiming spirit or whatever it is. But, I think it's there .. Again ... More time to digest finding the strength to be still and quiet ... When all I think about is being up and at it, and movable and functional. At this moment in time, I come from a place of stillness and quiet ... And when it's "time" to be still and quiet I am having a hard time. Oh well, my very kind of insightful physio said this isn't a race. Which was a really good thing to say ... For me.

Well, the driving situation is about to become real ... Just a number hoops to jump before I begin that process, and then I will be good to go ... Functional driving assessments, people deciding whether you are capable, a doctors visit, money to change hands, then back to other people as to whether or not I can drive, then a phone call to the gadget guy .. And then I don't know .. Driving lessons, and then a road test ... It just goes on and on ... I wish now I would never had said anything ... And carried on like before ... Nobody would be the wiser ...

BUT for now ... Me and this little V.A.C. Will bubble about the home for the next number of days.

Hi lights from the hopper

I should rename this blog ... "Life of a Hopper", Hopper Chronicals, The no bunny tailed rabbit, hopping along the path of life, when only hopping happens, long time hopper - just me and the walker, one-legged hopping machine, the hoop jumper, My Leg on the Shelf of LIfe, I can see it, but can't touch it.

There; an array of details and events of how I feel about this hopping garbage.

THIS is the size of what is stopping from wearing my leg that sits on the shelf in the rehab department.

3cm x .5 x 1cm deep.

THAT'S IT.

Hurry the fuck up already ..... This is BORING to the power of ten.... And then some.

I very nicely had my lovely friend drive me today .... She is just so very real and delightful ... We can whine about the same things with our little family units ... And then although we come up with no solutions to help them (IT COULD NEVER BE US !!!!!! Right !!!?), we feel better nattering about the goings on in the mundaneness of life events.

So the wound care nurse came ... And while I am pretty close to being fed up ... I'm not completely fed up, although she said the words "fed up" ... However  I'm not ... I'm getting sorta at the end of the rope, because of course spring is approaching .. And I need a leg to do the gardening details ... If March comes, and then goes, and I do not have a leg by then .... Well ... This chickalit could be a little on the wild side of typical.

In the meantime .... The BC Transportation Safety Board has FINALLY processed my application. It only took 4 months ... But somehow they have managed. Now I can move forward in the "getting back to driving" department .... Now that's a piece of excitement to be excited for.

So now ... I will await a VAC ... And hopefully this whole MRSA thing will just melt away ... I think I need someone on the ball with this one ....

Such hi lights for this hopper ... Let's hope NEXT month when bunnyrabbits become real ... That I will hop out the other side .... And off I will WALK along that bunny trail.aasics, ampute

Take that nasty bug, take that.

Back to the rehab place I went yesterday .... I waved at my leg ... HI LEG!!! You will wait for me won't you .... !?!?!?

The only thing I got to do was see a Dr. He gave me a prescription for some bug drugs. (I am completely done eating little bug drugs ... I thought I was going to get out of this wound with it unscathed, and just the process that was taking too long). A referral to infectious disease, just to merely nod their head and say "yessiree, that's all you need" and the agreement that a plastic surgeon needs to sew this dastardly spot back up. Please and thank you.

Simple. Not.

If the orthopedic Doctor  could fitness her skills for but a moment ...Maybe she would be so inclined to sew this back up again ... Again; simple. Not.

What a whirlwind of micro steps forward, and a huge leap sideways ... THERE will be a moment in time, that will be happening sooner than later, that will help me regain the momentum of forward motion only ... I know it exists ... Like aliens & ghosts!

In other things that keep me amused hour by hour .... I have a big ball of yarn to knit wash clothes now ... So it's The Office & knitting that goes on around these parts .. And mad dashes of reading ...

I will get there. It's just not today.