When you are smacked in the face with more odd reality.

I got a phone call this time last month, from the case manager handling my disability claim.

She said as of August 31st I was no longer disabled. I was very pleased to hear that. I can't wait for the 31st to roll around, and for me to pop out of bed, jump up, and carry on like I did over 5 years ago.

Oh wait, that's not going to happen.

Unless that whole spinach turning into a new heart muscle (true story) is going to happen with building a whole new leg, I do believe that on August 31st I will wake up, and still be disabled. Much to everyone's sadness, mine included. Well, sad that I know it isn't going to happen, not that I miss my leg, because I don't.

What I miss is being able to move... efficiently & effectively. I can move, sort of the same as an 89 year old. This was something I wasn't really expecting. Especially two years out of the gate.

As I type, I am not even wearing my leg, due to a tiny little ulcer that is wreaking havoc on the "medial epicondyle" (which is the location kinda right next to your knee on the femur) .. but that is the location of the where your bone is round on the end .. and now that this leg is skin and bone, it's rubbing kind of awful.

Anyways .. I am returning to work at the beginning of September (I believe). I must wonder how many prosthetists know people that return to work two years later, and do not have a proper leg yet, that works.

There is that slight oversight in the disability claim people. I mobilize with my leg, not in a wheelchair, but that is what they claim. I can work in a wheelchair, so therefore I can work.

Thanks guys ... love ya. Not.

My current level of function is this. Well, today I am "supposed" to be hopping with my walker. Although that is freaking brutal, so I have come to know, after hopping for a year, fuck. I walk with a cane, with my eyes cast downward. I can not walk and talk and concentrate on a task. If people brush past me, I immediately have a gumby like reflex that my free hand flies up, and I am locked into a stiff position, or somehow we could say I am having my own personal game of freeze tag. I walk next to walls, so people can't brush past me, I stop cold turkey if I have someone who approaches me from the front that isn't looking. I can't carry an object and maneuver through obstacles. I definitely can not go up or down stairs without severe concentration. I move as fast as somebody who is in their late 80's.

Who would have thought losing your leg, would have given you all sorts of hidden ripple effects in this.

Well ... it is off to work I go ... who do sue when you fall over? Asking for a friend. 

Hop to it I say ...

Hello and welcome to the most grandiose blog on the internets. Apart from the beautiful colours, pretty fonts &swirls, plus an outdated photo ... Things here are pretty much the "how to" of creating excitement in a life that very much qualifies for the hands down title of  "The Life of a Duldrum Addict".

For real.

Did I mention I planted some primulas? I did. That was spectacular!!! I might have mentioned that too, apologies. Did I also mention that in an effort to plant them, there was teamwork involved. That is where the husbandman came in. He drove me to the garden center, carried the dirt, and the plants to the car and from the car,  and found the pots, and got a tarp, and put everything on the back of the girlie girls car, and poured the dirt, and stood there ... While I took the primilas out of their containers, and put dirt around them. Whala! I planted something! But here's the big kicker folks ... I smelled dirt, and got to feel plant life beneath my fingertips, I got to make the decision as to "yes, let's just put these in this pot" ... And then watched as he set them on the front steps. I might have mentioned all this ... So sad you are doing a read over ... However .. I am still thrilled at the gift of time and experience of doing such a simple endeavour with the kind hearted husbandman. And THAT is the feeling that I am stuck on. Plus, the primulas are pretty.

In other things ...

The task of the impossible "driving" is still on the scale of over the top ridiculous .. And numerous times a day I am hearing myself talking away in my head ... This is the process, this is the process, this is the process, this is the process ... All the while I just keep seeing the sands of time attached to little pieces of helium, and rather than falling gently on top of one another .. They just sort of sit in the hourglass and gently hover about, never really reaching their destination.  If one has ever wanted to time travel so freaking badly in their life, it would be right about now.

NEXT week ... NEXT Monday ... I will go back and see the orthopedic surgeon ... A make work project, yet again. IT will be THIS moment in time, when my time traveling will have finally paid off, as it will be THIS moment when the road to freedom will happen! AT least one can assume this .. Which I willy nilly am going to stick to.

In other things that impact this life:

Growth.

There's an ebb and flow to parenthood I would surmise. You watch, and nurture, and mentor, and navigate, and guide. Then there's the fleeting moments of all this natural back and forth when one needs to leap .. And whether it's taking that leap of faith, or leaping onto unsteady ground, the leap has to take place, amidst the ebb and flow, in order to move on. Leaping is hard, probably not as hard as hopping, but leaping is knowing that there might be that soft landing, or a sense of balance once you have worked up the courage to leap. Both of these children are at the ebb and flow stage that leaping might be the best things for them, in their personal growth. I can see it, however; as all these parental duties are configuring around them ... How do I encourage that LEAP, without encouraging that leap ... Is it TIME.  Time and growth, growth and time. I will have to see which one plays out. They are both so ready.

Let's just hop to it ...

Amputee Advice

Come and get it.

So I made someone cry today.

That's the biOTCH in me.

Or is it?

INCORRECT folks ... It was the full fledged KINDNESS that SOMEDAYS flows from my fingertips, that made this person cry.

They were commenting about being a fresh amputee, and I offered up some fresh amputee advice. Oddly enough, at this time ... I qualify!

What was the advice...?

It really wasn't all that amazing ... But amazing enough to help the person that needed it. When I look to the silver linings as to HOW COME I AM STILL motoring along on a walker ... Perhaps it was to HELP this one human alone ... Had I not been still hopping along, then this one person that benefited from my experience would not have happened.

So for that .. I thank the universe!

Back to the advice .. And NOT something that even the best of the "therapists" can offer up .. Since the experience is not "first hand" ...

So basically the person fell, and he did not remember how. AND since FALLING is a huge fear among MOST that have two legs ... It gets a bit scarier when one has ONE leg, and is a number of feet above the ground!

So I said:

Visualize: organize your brain so that every step you take with your walker is planned out. See yourself moving from A to B, and the steps to take to get yourself to the bathroom and back, or in and out of the car, or to move through a parking lot. If a curb is impeding the forward motion, then do not risk hopping over a barrier, but afford yourself the extra twenty steps. I would rather 20 extra steps of safety versus one bad decision that risks a fall.

Invest in yourself: Purhcase a pair of runners that will keep you stable. Wear them ALL THE TIME. No exceptions. Ever. Hopping is quite the work out. Keep the foot knees & hips happy at all times, your mileage will be A LOT further.

Put yourself on the clock: What I mean by this .. Is go to to the bathroom at regular intervals ...thus avoiding the need to "speed hop" to the bathroom, which increases the risk for falls. (BECAUSE remember ... Your brain is thinking BATHROOM, and not necessarily all the steps it will take to get there).

Be kind to yourself. Probably self explanatory, but then again not. It's not that I am saying .. "Ask everyone to do everything for me" ... It 's a case of letting go of the things that you have no control over. It's OK to let daily tasks go, more than likely "the next day" will be a better day to get small tasks accomplished.... Like the dishes! FOR EXAMPLE FOLKS: I had six towels leftover from the laundry that at first got dumped on the bed from the laundry, so I folded them, and returned them to the clothes basket. They were not in the correct location .. And every day it bothered me that I had not returned them to the bathroom .. So after three days of sitting there, (and a chance to visualize my steps to returning them to the bathroom all in one go) ..  I politely heaped them on to top of my walker .... And off I went. Task accomplished. That's what I mean about being kind ... Don't be hard on yourself with the tasks that were mindless trivial non events now come with a bit more thinking ... And that's ok ..

Reframe your thinking: Where you are today, will not be in the same place as tomorrow, next week, or six months from now. This is tough. It truly is, however when you are faced with adversity, you have to be as tough as what is being thrown at you. Take the time to acknowledge the frustration, and move on. HERE's and EXAMPLE FOLKS: So I CAN'T drive .. And basically it is boiling down to the governing body of the provincial government that is keeping me from this task. My first phone call was excruciating abysmal, I had been waiting months to hear from, only to find out that I wouldn't be hearing from them for months to come, many months. So I decided I had two choices, I could wallow in sadness, or madness (depending on the number of cups of coffee inhaled that morning!), or I could decide that this wasn't going to beat me down. My plan was, every week, on a Friday I was calling the transportation agency to talk to them, and ask them where I was in the piles of applications, and for the last three weeks I have gotten the same answer. Nowhere. HOWEVER ... That answer is easier to hear, when it comes at a slow steady beat .. BECAUSE eventually that will not be their answer ... And that is the moment that I am prepared for!

Recognize your fatigue: walking on a walker is like a work out that you weren't prepared for ... All the time! Chances are your energy will be better in the morning, so planning a big afternoon event if you have been busily doing things all day might not be the best of choices.

Realize this: despite the big adjustment ... Just know that whatever parts and pieces eventually come your way, will be WAY WAY better than the originals .. And again visualize how great it will be to move again!

Life is the experience of the moment. I challenge everyone to counter every negative experience with a positive experience. They are there, and only the universe truly understands why "perceived" roadblocks are put into our paths. Take the extra steps to carve out your happiness.