So, what did you do the other day?

Here is a note that I wrote to an acquaintance... I may not hear from him for a real long time, if ever again at all. ( I have highlighted some of my previous writing adventures about my cooking abilities... make that inabilities to him... but this next story.. is a bit out there... well, there's a NUT out there for everyone.....)

Well hello Allan....

I am well, I am very well actually at this exact moment, (despite the fact that at this moment I am sitting in the darkness of my kitchen, with only the computer screen glowing away, and all the bugs that have crept into our house throughout the evening have headed towards me... or shall I say THE LIGHT!. I am now defending my space, well actually my face, and slapping myself silly in order to rid them from flying in front of me)..so... back to other useless matters... I have endured 649 pages of a book that I really wanted to NOT read, but once you start something ...you finish... I couldn't stand it... almost as much as my cooking adventures! Oh the book, The Poisonwood Bible, save yourself 649 pages worth of reading, and attempt something else, (like dusting behind your computer desk)... and if you may have read it... I feel for you.

In other things as not as exciting as the first paragraph:

My cooking adventures have been tamed since BBQ season is here. The King cooks, and I just throw together "salady things", that I clearly can not ruin. Mind you, the children hate me... due to the colourful array of offerings that unfold infront of them.... BUT... here is something that I learned yesterday.. which made me chuckle..... SO YOU BETTER CHUCKLE ABOUT THIS......

After topping up my 16 year old white SUV with two litres of oil, and some power steering fluid which is not correct for this vehicle, but I pour it in anyways..... the chicklets and myself were off on an adventure.... yes we were!

I was confident in my "occassional occuring memory" that I could find our destination point... I was not going to look on a map.. when I surely was almost positive that I might remember that I knew how to get to "the place of anticipation"....I have my standards..

PAUSE: ( I need a moment.... I have to kill four, no make that five, the cousin has arrived, little tiny flying zippy bugs that somehow keep giving me whiplash....) ok, I'm back...hold onto your hat....

We make it to our first destination.... and instead of getting out of the vehicle.. I sit and stare up at the sky... it was quite a sight.. although I couldn't see much sky,but rather a huge apple tree.. with hundreds of apples bobbling above my head. As always, I have my trusty digital with me, and start to snap pictures.. when all of a sudden something snaps behind me.. oh, right.. it's the chicklets... snapping, sniping, hissing and swiping at each other... my moment of tranquility lost... so I embraced the moment and snarled/growled back at them to rejoice in the great wonders above their heads,( I had to tell the lovely and wonderful, but very blond daughter to actually look out the sunroof, as she was dazed by the Burgundy upholstery above her) and be thankful that it wasn't quite apple harvesting season... Eventually we enter and then exit the Matsqui produce place, with a real-live large brown paper bag full of things that would make a vegetarian drool, well except for the chocolate covered POKY sticks.. and off we go. But that wasn't for long... I believe that I had somehow picked up while I was at the produce store a boy crocodile and it's evil sibling, sister crocodile and they wouldn't shut up, actually it was the start of quite a psychotic event that started in the back seat, and ended up in the drivers seat.. I believe my head even popped off ...as I pulled (actually I whipped) over to the side of the road, and hissed at the two of them to exit my vehicle.. yes, I hissed quite a bit.((get out...!!!GET OUT!!!!!! GGGGGEEEETTTTT OOOOUUUTTTT!!!!!)).. when they both refused to get out, I got back in... and continued driving to our wonderful and tranquil place.... GOD.. did I need to get there fast..... they had already killed my sunroof apple adventures, and they had made my head pop off... I was worried for what they were capable of next!

We drove for a while.. because, as I stated before... I was relying on a memory that is ultimately vague at the best of times, and I had only been to this spot once in my life... I had an inkling as to where it was supposed to be.. but I believe I was just heading straight to the mountains, rather than looking up on the top of the mountain for the "point of interest"...

Since the lovely and wonderful, but worry filled Hamsterson had been watching the gas gauge, I figured it was time to fill the SUV... as it was 15 cents a litre cheaper way out yonder, it seemed to make good sense to me. Little did I know, while my back was turned, the "destination point" was right behind me.. but I did not know that.. and off we went.. adventuring some more... the girl happy with her peas, the boy with an apple, and I was sipping on a sparkling rain, which I might add does happen to taste good with vodka.. but since it was 1:30 in the afternoon.. I didn't happen to have any on me. (he he he). Eventually we came to a bend in the road... and I clearly knew that I had gone to far, and turned around.

WHALA... right there, facing right back into the windshield in front of us...it was the WESTMINSTER ABBEY.. calling to us, from way up there on the mountaintop. Yes, easier said than done. My next step was getting to the top of the mountain.. and finding the entrance. I believe it would help if the signs were actually posted in the correct direction. I kid you not... one sign said "this way" and one sign said "that way"... this is worse than a good day in the kitchen with me... I ended up BACKING up on a hill... just because I saw this little road, that went way way up a big steep mountain... but as I found out.. the car ahead of me had a key to the gate.. which only let that one person in.. and not us... clearly I was feeling keyless, and clueless... not a good feeling...well, since I had probably used every possible swear word in front of the kids back at that little unfortunate incident where I whipped the doors open and demanded that they leave (I will add here, that I had the good sense to ask them to leave via the sidewalk side of the vehicle...) I decided that it was best to stay calm... and breathe deeply....I finally stopped exhaling after five minutes.. this surely couldn't be this challenging.... it was at this point that the little rusty and dusty trapdoor to the memory bank opened... and I ever so slightly remembered that I could get into our TRANQUIL SPOT IN THE SKY via Dewdney Trunk Road, and not the other DTR, or the other one, it's THAT Dewdey Trunk Road. And guess what... we made it! Oh yes we did....we wandered along the trails, and found the lookout that overlooked the Fraser River, and Matsqui, or whatever the hell else that was on the other side of that river, and we looked down into people's back yards, and watched the trains glide, and the sun dance through the breaks in the waves of clouds, and the river flow. It was all quite nice, it was a mind clearing event, and both of the kids enjoyed visiting the Westminster Abbey, mind you they were even happier when we got off the trails, which we appeared to get lost on for a short time only mind you..... well except for the fact that the lovely and blond Pippy girl was quite insistent that the Hamsterson should be allowed to go into the church.. and "who cares about wearing shorts in the church".. and "who are these people that think they can make rules".. yes, we couldn't quite talk her down over that rampage, and thus steered clear from entering the church, or going near it...

Eventually we left, it had been lovely.. well, it was lovely, until the PIP got tired of eating her peas, and refused to eat an apple, did not want any cherries, was not a rabbit so refused to eat lettuce.. she needed some food, and that food needed to come from McDonalds. NOW! Here we go.

Now I am not quite certain how this happened.. but once again.. I somehow managed to find myself driving in a different location than I had anticipated. Before I knew it, I was back out on the highway, and I had missed the downtown core of Mission altogether... where I had had the notion that I was going to purchase some coffee for the drive home.. and find find something for the chicklets.. but this didn't happen, and I didn't feel like back tracking.. MAN, Mission has traffic... The whole while the girl was stating her great need for something, of course failing to reach into her handy dandy pick a pea and feed for free bag.... NOOOOO, that just couldn't happen during this ride home.... Luckily through great skill and the power of a DVD, I talked her down, we even passed a McDonalds, as she is quite used to...

However.....I figured that it had turned out to be quite a nice day, despite a couple of psychotic setbacks... but hey, that happens, so you just move on, and enjoy.. and let be what was.. there's no changing what there's no changing... so
I knew of a place... called DAIRYQUEEN. Of course there is this whole driving thing that get's in the way... and I drove straight past it, then had to turn around, but then turned into the wrong street, and had to find my way out.. but we eventually made it to DAIRYQUEEN. Things were looking up.. except for the fact that the place was desolate.. not a soul around, inside or out... I got worried... but.. it was open... well, there was girl at the counter counting money, and wanted nothing to do with helping us. She wouldn't even say HI!, but what she did say was 'WHERE IS THE HELP'.. and out from behind the counter shot three astute friendly smiling young employees, I could tell by their matching uniforms. I pulled out my coupon... because not only am I crazy, I am also very cheap. It's a sad mix... but someone had to end up with it! I ask for TWO Peanut Buster Parfaits. The boy goes into meltdown mode, and just stares at me... (I'm thinking in my head... it's a freaking fancy sundae... which is all you want anyways...!!!!) He doesn't say anything to me, but rather sulks heavily at me, it's a Sundae Hamsterson be happy...he continues to glare. I have to add, he can talk, but chooses to use his form of "magical method of silent conduction of communication" and just looks at me. We all watch as the two girls put together to PB Parfaits, and then one proceeds to dump one onto the ground... where one scoops off the bad ice cream, and puts a lid on it and walks away... ( I was kind of thinking.. is that for the "non-witnessing drive-through customers).. anyways, she disappears with the "bad" sundae, and the other girl continues to start making another sundae. In a matter of moments we have THREE brand new Peanut Buster Parfaits staring at us, from the till. The "bad" sundae girl made another sundae, as well as the first sundae girl made another sundae.... we all laughed. OH, I lied, everybody ... but the boy. He doesn't laugh, he proceeds to walk to the other side of this very big Dairyqueen. We find a place to sit... where he refuses to eat his special treat.... ( the girl, much to his shallowness, is finally quiet)... and this is where he informs me... HE DOESN'T LIKE NUTS.

WHAT????????

I didn't know he didn't like nuts..... what day did nuts enter the unlikable list I asked him.... WHAT DAY??????????????????

After all of this.. I just wanted him to be happy... and have some happy freaking icecream... with some hot fudge... nothing fancy...so I scrounged in my lovely bright pink wallet and found another three dollars and twenty nine cents in coins, and sent him to find his happiness....WHAT A NUT!

And there you have... even without cooking, I have food preparation problems.. well, and navigational problems, and psychotic problems.. but we aren't focused on those right now....