LEAPING into spring!!

Well ... Here we have a day that is just a mere four years around the corner from the LAST 29th.

Time flies, sort of.

I know that four years ago I was apparently on a journey into hell, of which .. Well how would I know .. Who signs up for that stuff !! Of course there is the mistake of going through "It's a Small World" at DisneyLand .... But THOSE people did that to themselves!!! Getting on that boat and all .. And floating about for an extra ordinate amount of time. Yes, it's a small world ... And Mr Disney seemed to figure it out way before the Internet did ! Wow! What a smarty pants !

So the non band boy's new single came out. Again, can't help but love it. Why is the Canadian Music Industry just so darn feeble ... ? All of those young fellows have heaps among heaps of marketable talent ... Huge heaps .... And waiting ... For their turn to share their passion. And it's wonderful.

https://open.spotify.com/track/7oMztQ1sOK7L0ge69nY5c2

If all of my awesome, loyal and amazing reader fans that I have could share this to 549 of their closest friends, perhaps we could find somebody to market these awesome guys!!

In other leaps of faith:

My knitting ability ....TY Pinterest for the reminder ..  I am going to have to ramp up the current work schematic and get a project done. AND, thank you again Bob Ross, you have instilled my passion to put paint to canvas. I can do this ... I just have to go get my paints, and canvas ... It's in the other room !

SO ... I did manage to almost get a new body part last week ... An IMPLANT .. Of the TOOTH variety !!! Well, like everything ... I will get "it" someday ... Just not TODAY! However ... The first part is done ... Now the waiting .. And then in four months a sparkly new molar that will be able to live in my mouth forever!! It is most exciting to really be working at getting myself put back together! Oh such little things are making me HUGELY happy!

And in other assorted tidbits:

I went grocery shopping yesterday ... It's always all good .. Till I get to the other end of the store ... And there is no place to "take a break" .. Unless I hop my way back to the other end of the store ... And find a seat ... The ONE saving grace is the fact that "at the other end of the store" is the freezer section .. So I can linger much longer, and be quite happy that even though the body has heated up considerably because of the "workout" world I had just entered .. There is a sit tight spot until the King husbandman has returned with the cart of groceries.

All good fun ... In the missing leg department.

Happy LEAP day to those that do leap about, because it is leap year!

TOMORROW: It's spring ! (According to the calendar of "DeannaLand")

Amputee Advice Case file # 865

Today in amputee life of major proportions of frustration:

It seems that driving is a task beyond the horizon. Just a process of hurdles and hurdles. I would like it better if the process would just simply work. But it doesn't. I can't get someone to sign a form, with them not seeing me. It's a pain the ass. They don't need to see me. They fill in answers on a form, and then they sign it. What I want is some ink from their pen. I am not actually going to see my GP anyways ... I get to see a complete stranger, and she gets to sign off on me. How nice. A make work project.

Of course then there is the process of getting a bone scan. Of course the surgeons office secretary would have to fax a piece of paper from her office, to the hospital to get the bone scan scheduled. I have waited a week to hear from "someone", OF COURSE relying on the process that this would be the case .. .that the system would work. But it doesn't. Nobody knows that I am needing a bone scan. So I called the surgeons office back, to talk to an answering machine, and hope that the secretary did in fact fax the info. Most annoying ... After a week worth of waiting.

The LARGER process here is ... That I require somebody to DRIVE me .... See paragraph ONE.

Feel my frustration. Now times that by 1942. That is how I'm feeling right about now.

In things that are not so useless feeling ... I started a new wash clothe pattern ... It seems adequate .... So that is a good thing. Oh, and I am getting my hair coloured Wednesday ... To give it that boring brown but slightly natural but not natural look back!!

And in things that are causing confusion:

The band wants the boy to come back. Of course they do. They have good feelings that things are going to happen. Of course they do. Are they going to happen ... ? Right ... I seemed to have lost my crystal ball ... And just at a crucial time in life ... Again!  

Moments of what ifs:

There generally comes a day when life slows down to the grinding halt of nothingness. Absolute nothingness. Any reasonable human can seriously ask the question .. You can't be for real?

And yet, I am.

Seven months of hopping around, it begins to take it's toll.

Not in a way that brings about sadness, or in a way of regret, but one of "let's go already."

I have come up upon challenges that are not challenges, but are in fact speed bumps presenting as hurdles. My mindset is still focused on that I can definitely overcome these speed bumps, I just have to stop envisioning them as hurdles.

My hip is tired. Very tired. I begin any task of the day, and I am sorta just worn out faster because this leg is tired of working for two. I have to remind it to be kind to me, and hang on, it won't be long now before it gets to share the work. I have to remember to be gentle to it as well. Which in actuality means that all the tasks that I do, I must simplify, and ease this legs burden.
I need my G.P. To sign a form, which she is impossible to get into.
I have to ensure any appointment I try to make with the G.P. That I actually have a way of getting to the location to see her.
I am anxious to have this V.A.C. Removed to begin my world of rehab. A place where my lovely runner sits quietly on a shelf, waiting for it to begin it's adventures with it's twin! I am certain how I can hear it bellowing .. "Hurry the FRUITBALLS UP you moron!!"
Now I have to go for a Bone Scan, which in my opinion is a waste of time. But that's what I have to do.
I have to start doing my exercises again, which will happen tomorrow, once I get this V.A.C. Off.
I am dealing with the guilt of not exercising this leg, which for me everyday not exercising it, has huge implications when I return to walking in the next number of weeks.
Now I will have to deal with learning to drive with my left foot. I am going to genuinely assume that this will just become habit, and my love to drive will be free to me once again.

This isn't really a list of horrible items, but these are the things that are on my mind, constantly.

Getting my life back into functioning order. This is what I am waiting for. It's only been seven months as a one legged version, but it's been going on FOUR YEARS in the process.

In the life of a book lover from this week:

Excellent ... Loved it .. From start to finish ... Actually inspiring ... Life is not a race (not that I am currently entered in one) ,,, but a long journey ... This lead me to believe that all things are just simply out there ... If you reach for them ... Or walk .. Or go on a pilgrimage ... Whatever the words of the day you choose!

Very nice book ... Different from his others ... 

Good Wine text post - post meditation.

This is when things go wrong ...

I attempted meditation, which I am very much a believer in.

First time around wasn't so successful ... Albeit .. I am interested in it ... And appreciative of it, coming my way via the App Store. Thank you very much. ... For my much Apple-ness.

 Things that should be peaceful, mindful, gentle and rejuvenating, and this is how I end up ... With the thought process below. .... Ok seriously ... You have to wonder how my friends really do see me ...

And off I texted this:

Happy wine drinking day ... Will you ... Or won't you drink wine today, and more importantly .. Drink a good bottle of wine ... ?  I don't even know if you will get this message ... And THIS concerns me ... What happens if you don't find out it's international wine drinking day ...? You know ... I don't think it should be today ... This great even should happen in the summer time ... It seems way better of an idea around it .. Or wait .. They should combine the family day holiday with the international wine drinking day ... Now that would make for a great long weekend experience. I was just doing some meditation ... Can you tell ... I don't think it went well ... I got to the point in the audio where the guy is saying ... "Feel you hand tingling" ...well my right hand totally tingles .. All the time ... Non stop ... That would be from nerve damage from my hopping like a crazed person .. Anyways .. I am sitting here with my eyes closed .. Feeling the tingling ... And waiting .. For my next instruction .. So finally I open my eyes .. And realize the audio had stopped ... How convenient ... At least he had it right with the tingling hand. GAWD .... OK .. I might Have to  copy and paste this ... in the meantime ... Make time for wine!

It's good to be me. Other's might not be so brave.

Amputee Advice take 495

Well here we are ... Almost 7 months after this leg is chopped off ... And I now have a little VAC attached to me. This is good. We are on the upswing. We have caught this rather minute little wound making attempts to heal up, and disappear into the land of mysteries.

I would enjoy some rationalization as to why this has taken exactly this long ... Not the VAC, but the process. I want some reasoning behind the purpose as to why this has played out for as long as it has. There has to be a reason why things have just taken this long. AND I am not talking about the human biological process ... In the world according to the universe, there is a larger reason as to howcome this process has continued for so long.

Except I am not partial to that answer.

Is it self-discovery, or one of saving myself, a lesson learned in patience, or the universe just messing with me that I wasn't to be free in this world sporting a way more functional leg, and independent of all things that regular joes can do?

Again, these questions remained unanswered.

I just wrote to a friend ... And thought I would make the timely purchase of the Dr Suess Classic .. "Oh the places you will go" ... Because NOW, today, with this LAST LEG of the race so close .. I feel I have finally reached the finish line, and can embark on my untimely pilgrimage ..... I am ready.... Except I just need a couple centimetres of tissue growth to fill the gap .. Then I am ready.

In other things ...

So the antibiotics almost finished me off. Holy smokes ... They were a bad scene ... Although NOW that I am finished them after a quick four day course, as opposed to the original 14 days I was going to have to suffer from ... They are done, and I hope they remain done.

I did some invigorating chair yoga today ... I think over time I will get better at it ... Currently I just start to laugh. I am not sure why ... I just start laughing ... I think it's the NON quietness of my brain that starts talking to me, not allowing myself to find that claiming spirit or whatever it is. But, I think it's there .. Again ... More time to digest finding the strength to be still and quiet ... When all I think about is being up and at it, and movable and functional. At this moment in time, I come from a place of stillness and quiet ... And when it's "time" to be still and quiet I am having a hard time. Oh well, my very kind of insightful physio said this isn't a race. Which was a really good thing to say ... For me.

Well, the driving situation is about to become real ... Just a number hoops to jump before I begin that process, and then I will be good to go ... Functional driving assessments, people deciding whether you are capable, a doctors visit, money to change hands, then back to other people as to whether or not I can drive, then a phone call to the gadget guy .. And then I don't know .. Driving lessons, and then a road test ... It just goes on and on ... I wish now I would never had said anything ... And carried on like before ... Nobody would be the wiser ...

BUT for now ... Me and this little V.A.C. Will bubble about the home for the next number of days.

Hi lights from the hopper

I should rename this blog ... "Life of a Hopper", Hopper Chronicals, The no bunny tailed rabbit, hopping along the path of life, when only hopping happens, long time hopper - just me and the walker, one-legged hopping machine, the hoop jumper, My Leg on the Shelf of LIfe, I can see it, but can't touch it.

There; an array of details and events of how I feel about this hopping garbage.

THIS is the size of what is stopping from wearing my leg that sits on the shelf in the rehab department.

3cm x .5 x 1cm deep.

THAT'S IT.

Hurry the fuck up already ..... This is BORING to the power of ten.... And then some.

I very nicely had my lovely friend drive me today .... She is just so very real and delightful ... We can whine about the same things with our little family units ... And then although we come up with no solutions to help them (IT COULD NEVER BE US !!!!!! Right !!!?), we feel better nattering about the goings on in the mundaneness of life events.

So the wound care nurse came ... And while I am pretty close to being fed up ... I'm not completely fed up, although she said the words "fed up" ... However  I'm not ... I'm getting sorta at the end of the rope, because of course spring is approaching .. And I need a leg to do the gardening details ... If March comes, and then goes, and I do not have a leg by then .... Well ... This chickalit could be a little on the wild side of typical.

In the meantime .... The BC Transportation Safety Board has FINALLY processed my application. It only took 4 months ... But somehow they have managed. Now I can move forward in the "getting back to driving" department .... Now that's a piece of excitement to be excited for.

So now ... I will await a VAC ... And hopefully this whole MRSA thing will just melt away ... I think I need someone on the ball with this one ....

Such hi lights for this hopper ... Let's hope NEXT month when bunnyrabbits become real ... That I will hop out the other side .... And off I will WALK along that bunny trail.aasics, ampute

Take that nasty bug, take that.

Back to the rehab place I went yesterday .... I waved at my leg ... HI LEG!!! You will wait for me won't you .... !?!?!?

The only thing I got to do was see a Dr. He gave me a prescription for some bug drugs. (I am completely done eating little bug drugs ... I thought I was going to get out of this wound with it unscathed, and just the process that was taking too long). A referral to infectious disease, just to merely nod their head and say "yessiree, that's all you need" and the agreement that a plastic surgeon needs to sew this dastardly spot back up. Please and thank you.

Simple. Not.

If the orthopedic Doctor  could fitness her skills for but a moment ...Maybe she would be so inclined to sew this back up again ... Again; simple. Not.

What a whirlwind of micro steps forward, and a huge leap sideways ... THERE will be a moment in time, that will be happening sooner than later, that will help me regain the momentum of forward motion only ... I know it exists ... Like aliens & ghosts!

In other things that keep me amused hour by hour .... I have a big ball of yarn to knit wash clothes now ... So it's The Office & knitting that goes on around these parts .. And mad dashes of reading ...

I will get there. It's just not today. 

Seriously ..... This is the ridiculous ....?

So the girl didn't pass her driving test. Shit. Now I can't ask her to drive me on Monday! OK ... Moving on to someone else then ...

Alright ... In things that are continued to be messed up:

There's a hole in the leg because somehow a staph infection & MRSA has invaded my space.

How did this happen ... ? All I know is that there wasn't an ounce of anything in it, as reported by a swab way back on January 5th, 2016. And now there is.

All the internet searching the Google-de-ness of the lands can not seem to find a good enough answer for me. I want to know if this MRSA is a skin & soft tissue, or a deeper wound ... Because it isn't just sitting on the top of my skin ... The wound has traveled down to be about a good centimetre plus in depth ... Will oral bug drugs be enough ... Cause I have an end of a tibia & fibula sitting there .... We're is that MRSA & staph finding themselves ... ?

So I think I have had enough of the stupidity ... Thanks a lot, and a bunch, and then some ... Just give me my not so fancy leg, let me stand, then walk, and move on ... K thx & bye.

As the cords gets tangled.

Earlier today I decided that I wished to fish my garden lady out from behind the washer and dryer. She had been sitting on the window ledge, and when the cleaning lady was dusting, she dusted her straight to the ground. So one of my tin garden girls has sat behind the machines, until today.

Today it was operation rescue.

I figured it would be best to do this with a vacuum cleaner .... It made sense.

I asked the girl if she could kindly just grab me the vacuum cleaner, and drag it through the kitchen. I didn't ask her help in retrieving my garden girl. She decided that the vacuum would not work in retrieving the girl, and just sat in the kitchen at her computer, and carried on staring at her screen.

As I was struggling with cords that were tangled, and brooms that had fallen I asked her how in good conscience could she actually "just sit there" and watch me struggle, and not offer to do as I had simply asked, just get the vacuum out, but NOT DO ANYTHING WITH IT.

These are the moments when living on this one leg, and having a human in the home that refuses to do anything that I ask, really does make me fucking mental. I mean fucking mental to the point of I just wish she would politely find a new home to live in, where she can happily just sit around her home, and let it fill up with trash, and mess, and perhaps then she might realize ... HOLY FREAKING shit she is a slob when she wishes to be.....so.fucking.frustrating.

I did ask if she wished to hop around with my walker for a while to do some things, and see if she enjoyed it ... Or if she could even manage for 20 minutes washing her hair, organizing "stuff" that just needs to be picked up, or put away ... She declined.  Odd. Won't use the walker to see how it feels to manage to do things, and yet, can't give a shit to help do a task that I actually didn't want her to do .. Just needed help getting the vacuum out. NOPE.

Well, Karma will bite her in the ass, it really will. Where she is kind to so many people, on all levels, she fails miserably for the ONE person that actually is willing to give her the moon. Oh well, there will certainly come a time in her life when she will require help, and I will simply say. No, you can do it yourself.

Nasty of me ... Very .... But I think this will be a case of what comes around goes around.

There's a hole in my socket dear Liza dear Liza

Two weeks ago I had a hole in what should be my incision line smaller than a pencil tip. Today it's 2cm long by about 1.5 cm deep. I now have 6 days worth of waiting to see the orthopedic surgeon. She will look at it, look at me, and smile and say .. You need a plastic surgeon, not an orthopedic person, but thanks for coming in today.

I have been asking since September, then October, then November, and onto December at my monthly follow ups ... Should I be seeing a surgeon/somebody about this .. ?  In January,  the rehab doc decided that he wanted to see me, and then was surprised that it wasn't healed. I am surprised at all of these people being surprised by me ... They are ALL very young ... Very very young, very new to their practicing .. And then along comes healthy wild woman, with a very silent autoimmune disorder, which NONE of them have taken into consideration ... And they are SURPRISED by me ...

This game is getting boring. Completely boring.

The bigger part of the game is the fact that I need a plastic surgeon. One lady doc flat out refused. The other guy, who had seen me in the past, first said 3-4 months, then reneged and then refused to see me as well. Nice. Asshole. I asked him at some point way way long into the end of 2014 when all this cancer business was coming about, was he prepared to deal with a "scleroderma" type of  person, he nodded his head yes. Well, I have news for him, he should have shook his head NO, he was not prepared to deal with the oddball situation such as me. Things just go sideways. That's how it works, and I am not sure why.

In the meantime, I have a largER hole in my leg, it needs some "surgical intervention" otherwise this is going to months upon months of healing time. I'm done healing. I need to start walking.

In the meantime:

THESE things have happened:

The boy has nicely agreed to play a show with his band.
The girl is going for her drivers test this week. She also is starting a night school course. (Read BUSIER!!!!)
I have read two books: The Owl that Called my Name AND The Untimely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry. BOTH were excellent books! AND I have decided to return to my book club at the library ... And I have taken up a new pattern in wash clothe making. PLUS I have another two books on the go, and have another 2 knitting projects milling about.
Not a lot .. But enough that keeps me wild and crazy while locked up in this house.

Amputee Advice

Come and get it.

So I made someone cry today.

That's the biOTCH in me.

Or is it?

INCORRECT folks ... It was the full fledged KINDNESS that SOMEDAYS flows from my fingertips, that made this person cry.

They were commenting about being a fresh amputee, and I offered up some fresh amputee advice. Oddly enough, at this time ... I qualify!

What was the advice...?

It really wasn't all that amazing ... But amazing enough to help the person that needed it. When I look to the silver linings as to HOW COME I AM STILL motoring along on a walker ... Perhaps it was to HELP this one human alone ... Had I not been still hopping along, then this one person that benefited from my experience would not have happened.

So for that .. I thank the universe!

Back to the advice .. And NOT something that even the best of the "therapists" can offer up .. Since the experience is not "first hand" ...

So basically the person fell, and he did not remember how. AND since FALLING is a huge fear among MOST that have two legs ... It gets a bit scarier when one has ONE leg, and is a number of feet above the ground!

So I said:

Visualize: organize your brain so that every step you take with your walker is planned out. See yourself moving from A to B, and the steps to take to get yourself to the bathroom and back, or in and out of the car, or to move through a parking lot. If a curb is impeding the forward motion, then do not risk hopping over a barrier, but afford yourself the extra twenty steps. I would rather 20 extra steps of safety versus one bad decision that risks a fall.

Invest in yourself: Purhcase a pair of runners that will keep you stable. Wear them ALL THE TIME. No exceptions. Ever. Hopping is quite the work out. Keep the foot knees & hips happy at all times, your mileage will be A LOT further.

Put yourself on the clock: What I mean by this .. Is go to to the bathroom at regular intervals ...thus avoiding the need to "speed hop" to the bathroom, which increases the risk for falls. (BECAUSE remember ... Your brain is thinking BATHROOM, and not necessarily all the steps it will take to get there).

Be kind to yourself. Probably self explanatory, but then again not. It's not that I am saying .. "Ask everyone to do everything for me" ... It 's a case of letting go of the things that you have no control over. It's OK to let daily tasks go, more than likely "the next day" will be a better day to get small tasks accomplished.... Like the dishes! FOR EXAMPLE FOLKS: I had six towels leftover from the laundry that at first got dumped on the bed from the laundry, so I folded them, and returned them to the clothes basket. They were not in the correct location .. And every day it bothered me that I had not returned them to the bathroom .. So after three days of sitting there, (and a chance to visualize my steps to returning them to the bathroom all in one go) ..  I politely heaped them on to top of my walker .... And off I went. Task accomplished. That's what I mean about being kind ... Don't be hard on yourself with the tasks that were mindless trivial non events now come with a bit more thinking ... And that's ok ..

Reframe your thinking: Where you are today, will not be in the same place as tomorrow, next week, or six months from now. This is tough. It truly is, however when you are faced with adversity, you have to be as tough as what is being thrown at you. Take the time to acknowledge the frustration, and move on. HERE's and EXAMPLE FOLKS: So I CAN'T drive .. And basically it is boiling down to the governing body of the provincial government that is keeping me from this task. My first phone call was excruciating abysmal, I had been waiting months to hear from, only to find out that I wouldn't be hearing from them for months to come, many months. So I decided I had two choices, I could wallow in sadness, or madness (depending on the number of cups of coffee inhaled that morning!), or I could decide that this wasn't going to beat me down. My plan was, every week, on a Friday I was calling the transportation agency to talk to them, and ask them where I was in the piles of applications, and for the last three weeks I have gotten the same answer. Nowhere. HOWEVER ... That answer is easier to hear, when it comes at a slow steady beat .. BECAUSE eventually that will not be their answer ... And that is the moment that I am prepared for!

Recognize your fatigue: walking on a walker is like a work out that you weren't prepared for ... All the time! Chances are your energy will be better in the morning, so planning a big afternoon event if you have been busily doing things all day might not be the best of choices.

Realize this: despite the big adjustment ... Just know that whatever parts and pieces eventually come your way, will be WAY WAY better than the originals .. And again visualize how great it will be to move again!

Life is the experience of the moment. I challenge everyone to counter every negative experience with a positive experience. They are there, and only the universe truly understands why "perceived" roadblocks are put into our paths. Take the extra steps to carve out your happiness.

A word to the wise

Entitlement.

Some people are just that way inclined.

They should get exactly as they wish for ... Because it's their right.

Wrong.

I have bought driving lessons TWICE. The second time around came with the conversation that went along the lines of I didn't mind paying for some of the lessons, but not all of them, because I had already purchased them.... And the student refused to renew their "Learners" to ensure their continued driving experience. That didn't happen. Time passes. I get my leg chopped off. Now I am useless to take the person driving. Hence the 2nd time around driving lessons, of which now the person has a job of their own to pay for some of these lessons. It was this persons REFUSAL to renew their license AND their REFUSAL to drive a standard which halted everything.

I asked a number of weeks ago if I could get the Learner to drive me down the street to the dentist. I was refused. Completely flat out refused, forget it, the Learner wouldn't do it. I thought to myself, that is interesting ... The Learner seems to be able to drive all over the lower mainland, but can't drive me down the street, in a straight line for 5 minutes. At that time I hadn't taken any money for the lessons from the Learner, because after all cut the Learner slack ... For none other reasons, than to "let it go" ... Which I still thought ... I wasn't sure how much of the lessons I was going to ask the Learner to pay for ... But I should ask for something ...

Today ... I was excitedly asked to bring the Learner home a fantasmical sandwich since the Learner was able to do some new maneuvers in her driving lesson. As she embarked on her fantabulous sandwich I inquired as to the lessons. I was promptly told very quickly that I wasn't allowed to ask any questions, and how dare I inquire.

Right ... That sense of entitlement ... That I as a parent should provide for the child Learner ended. $550.00 was transferred like that out of her account. Now I don't give a shit ... If she doesn't pass, it's her money that's gone, not mine.

Just a word the wise, or on any other occasion the soft hearted. 

Today finally arrived.

This day took forever to get here.

I am fascinated that TODAY ... Arrived on the same day that a loved one had passed. I can't help but think of the reason for that ... !! I think that spirit father of mine had something to do with it.

My mom was fascinated with the spirit church thingy-majig. One day I will take her.

SO ... Today ... TODAY I got to stand on my lovely fake leg. It was so lovely to stand on that leg. Unbelievable beautiful actually.

My best best moment was The Lego Man ... Just sitting back, and giving me that moment of standing on that leg ... Letting me feel intact and whole again,... Letting me feel BETTER than I felt in so many months that have turned into years ... He just backed up, and let me have that moment of feeling like the person I once was, before this "thing" took over.

For comfort and safety sake .. I wore my green comfy vest ... What an unbelievable high.

Prosthetics ... What a pretty cool profession ... I certainly couldn't do it ... But GLAD somebody can!