I thought I'd seen the light.

But apparently it was all a mistake.

HOLY CRuMPLE towns peeps life has spiraled super ultra crazy. Kind of. Semi. Perhaps yes.

Things seem to have shifted all over the place.

Where I thought things were straight forward, they have become far from it. I need a landlord to swoop in, and sort me out. What about a warden, ... what about a cleaning lady ... what about someone to take hold of the steering wheel .. what about a lecturer and an analyst. I need all these streams of conscious to get me through all of a sudden.

I need something or someone to walk me back onto this earth ... cause I'm sorta out there .

That was written yesterday ... what a nightmare of a day ... NIGHTMARE. No laughing this time ... as most days .. I can laugh ... except yesterday. Nope .. no humour found me ... actually ... that is a lie ... late into the evening the girl and I were watching a movie together ... and despite how horrendous the day had been .. the night was definitely on an upswing ... we watched Parental Guidance .. a very cute movie .. that I would not have otherwised watched if my Min Min hadn't wanted to. It was just what I needed.

Today .. like I had wished for is a better day. Thank you better day .. thank you.

Things will be different

When it hits spring. Those were my thoughts ... give things time, they will settle ... come together ... other things forgotten and long since past.

Today ... it's spring.

What's different.

Not much.

Sort of:

My Min is back from the United States of the Americas. She is not so intrigued with shopping, lots of places, not much to buy.

BUT .... the best thing that happened in the world was her taking my older Nikon D40. Now that chick loved hunting for pictures. A new member to my photo group is upon us!

While someone was quizzing me about this horrible situation that I believe is resolving with my foot it came to light that they were looking for an employee ... a temporary recreation therapy kind of person to run a dementia/alzheimer group.

I'm in. Like a wizard.

That was magical !!

I will start next week.

I have caught a hot lead on a bed .. that the MIN MIN really really really wants ... they are sold out here .. and have been hunting the craigslists ... hopefully my luck will pan out .. as this bed is just across the overpass from me. Lucky lucky I say !

The boy and his band were mentioned in a column in one of Vancouver's primetime newspapers. It was just a little mention .. however little it was ... somebody noticed their style of music, and the fact that it sounded that they actually put it together, that their EP was good .. and they were up and coming. Those very words .. as little as they may appear .. are HUGE in their eyes .. I would believe. Fingers crossed that we are going to actually start hearing these guys on the radio ... locally at some point.

The husbandman admittedly told me that he was looking for properties to buy ... and then go there to live. Uhmmmm ... I quizzed him what it looked like to have me involved in the whole house purchasing process .. or is this a singular process ...? Cause you know ... it's good to know these things and all. Just to put a frame of reference ... he is house shopping for the future ... not 10 minutes into the future.... for all my huge reading fans ... and Elton John's mom .. no need to worry.

Today I am watching the clock .. unlike yesterday .. when I watched the clock, and still arrived not on time ... well wait .. I should give myself credit .. I do not have an actual schedule of times and timed events .. although yesterday ... the day zipped past as I waited for someone ... anyone ... to find a vein. Which put me behind .. doing other assorted events .. however .. if one wishes to turn things completely around ... I may not be walking around with a brand new very temporary job that I am starting next week ... kind of fun actually !!

The dog is currently shredding his bed .. he loves to rip fabric .. and has taken to ripping up his bed ... he gently starts chewing on his bones ... and then it moves on to sitting and ripping .. we should have called him Shredder.

Happy first day of spring .. it's pouring out .. good thing I will not be washing my hair ... then I would truly look more and more like a crazy person. Which I am .. most of the time .. just covering it up with the appearance of highly hysterical hair ...

OH yes .. that is one thing that I could bank on that WOULDN'T be different ... !

Already a day later:

The past 24 hours has ticked by .. and I have to wonder what exactly I have done with my time ... cause the time has gone ... and I have been a part of that time ticking .. and yet I'm left wondering how the time ticked past without me knowing.

All too strange.

People wait for time, wish they had time, pass away the time, hope for more time, widdle away the time, run out of time, move with the time(s), wonder about time.

My time has been eaten up at a back door asking the dog not to bark, knocking on the window so that my dog wouldn't bark, opening the door for the dog standing at the door who wishes to come in, but wont walk past the threshold, discussing with the dog why he shouldn't bark, encouraging the dog that the birds and crows are things that live with him, the trees and shrubs are going nowhere so please dont bark at those, walk thru the back door, you can't stand in between because you can't make up your mind. That's how my time is spent. Talking to a dog. Who at the end of the day has no concept of time, nor does he really give a shit what I have to say.

In other things of timely matters:

I meant to clarify something .... humorous to me.... I spoke of little red pills a couple of posts back ... ya ... those little red sparklers ... are Easy Swallow Extra Strength Tylenol ... that I keep in my bag, my car, my bedside table and the kitchen cabinet ... that I spoke of splashing around ... clearly for Easy Swallowing Access !! A true junkie I would admit.

Even further timely adventures:

I talked to my MIN ... she is away in Portland with her choir. I howled ... what a trip ... a whack of expense ... (not REALLY counting the cash .. counting the TIME that has made this a great memory for her !) ... they have done ten thousand things .. which one would expect would include you know .. choir like singy like stuff ... nope ... ONE hour of singing .. the rest ... woo-hoo .... adventure land in Portland. I wish I would have gone .. but then again not ... the high pitched nasally mouse like mother lady accompanied them ... she scares me ... especially the sound that is emitted from her being. Oh .. is that rude ... questions this crazyish one !!

In things with excellent timing:

I was driving over to the hospital on Saturday . .... singing away to Adelle, (pretty song amidst her sadness of letting one go ... hmmm grass isn't always greener hey ) ... when a car rolls his window and frantically points at my rear wheel, which then imposed his franticism on me ... yup .. my rear right wheel was smoking like a crushed bonfire. HOLY FUDGESTARS .... I yelled back at him ... and then thanked him ... Had that exact episode happened a full 24 hours later .. I would have been wickedly screwed to a tree with no shade ... I made my way to a brake and muffler place .. and a whole ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS later ... I was ON THE ROAD AGAIN .. (thanks Willie) ... back doing my regular order of business. If bad things have got to happen .. at least this one was brilliantly placed into the day ... went off ... got my antibiotics .. walked back to the brake place from the hospital .. waited, sister arrived, we had some soup and coffee .. then still made my way to my meeting that I needed to attend .. a full 5 MINUTES behind schedule. THANK YOU oh great being that wishes to take care of my soul on most occasions, and the rest of the time .. I just don't realize ... but that day.. somebody was clearly loving me!

In other things of grand timing and adventure ...

The muscial one can not be out of school a moment too soon. A singular second too soon. I will wait for the moment to arrive ... and probably will buy a bottle of champagne .. and share it with the musical one.... and proclaim ... I SURVIVED !!!! Not congratulations ... not well done ... not wow look what you have achieved ... this celebration .. will be all about ME ME ME ME !!!!!! The immensity of the burden of ensuring his path to  scholastic success will have come to an end. With his Dogwood in his hands .. he can pursue anything he wishes ... and he will. I wish I could look Elton John's mom up in the phone book ... and have a chat .. except that I couldn't look her up ... cause I can't even remember Elton John's other name .. which is not important at this point .. rather just pointed out here for curiousities sake .. what was that guy like growing up ... ? He had to be something else ... how non typical of a typical was he ? So .. Mrs. Elton John's mom .. if you are reading ... give me a dingle .. I would love to know .. The boy is packing up and leaving right after he graduates .. him and his band ... off they go ... for three weeks. I will have to remind him that his cell phone bill will continue to rack up .. along with the monthly van payment that he has signed onto .. plus we are now on the hook for $400 worth of concert tickets that he is not going to be attending ... that he has to pay for .. worrisome .. yup ... although .. craigslist will be our friend for that one ... All the same ..... as time has ticked on for this kid .... he has already done MORE in his 18 years of life than I would have dreamed of doing by the time I was ... well .. whatever age I am now ... ha ha. His latest claim to fame .. NOT SO MUCH REALLY ... was the hugely insulting and very hard hitting reality of being in the music industry (if that is what they are in) ... they (the band) decided to drop their drummer ... probably the cutest sweetest looking character out of the bunch .... clink, boom, kick .. blindsided. DONE. I am not sure of many 18 year olds that walk around with the burden of knowing that THEY have been the cause of changing one persons life ... (maybe in the end for the better .. who knows) .. at any rate .. the boy had a hand in firing a friend, and fellow bandmate from a low paying job .. simply because "the band" didn't believe that the drummer was on board with getting this band bigger. Hmmmm. I am excited to find out ... that this crazy band is using up their profits to record a SINGLE ... of a song which I truly LOVE .. however ... they plan on going on tour ... I wonder with what money are they planning on doing that with .. ? Anyways .. they are young .. and I personally think if when I graduated that I could jump in a van with 4 other guys and tour and make people happy with the professional sounds of these guys ... well ... does that just not SCREAM adventure .. AND ... all of which these guys have ALL GRADUATED !!! (personal struggle with that my friends .. a long long long road ... ) .. I will be so happy to see the boy pick up and go ... what a way to suddenly have to realize HOLY FUDGEMONKIES this is life !!! The boy has already said that with the spring break currently happening this second around these parts .. his stress level is about 59 degrees less ... he feels musical again. Holy SHIT ... can't wait to hear when he really is musical then .. however .. I won't let the depressing fact of him knowing that he needs actual real live money to make his world go around ...  I wish him ten trillion blessings ... and if yes .. Eltons mom .. give me a call ... I wish to pick your brain .. k thanks.

6 days to go ... I'm hoping ... on these crazy ass antibiotics .. I've never heard of it ... "Ertepenem" ... I have got the wickedessssss taste in my mouth .... which will certainly stop once these are done .... but holy crapville .... as long as they RID me of the wicked evil bug that has inhabited me ... along with the wicked evil seering nasty ugly pain that goes along with it ... I am hoping that things are getting better ... AND one would wonder .. well holy shit .. can't you see the difference ... uhmmmmm ... no ... this bug has lived a long time inside before it made it's real presence known ...  and the doctorly peeps suggested it was JUST nerve pain ... well .. they were right ... nerve pain, bug pain ... all around pain ... GO AWAY ... YA THANKS .. now that would all be in good timing ...

So ya ... in other things ... it looks like I have managed to KILL a whack of time ... mind you ... it has been in daylight hours, and not in a form of a text ... so good on me ... I have only opened nad closed the back door approximately 24 times since writing this ... cause that's what I do with a 10 month old dog that doesn't know he has to share his space with nature ... what a dumb dumb ... however ... that will only take time !

I was going to write a story:

It was going to be grand in length
Full of colour and adventure
One of power and of strength

Mystifying moments
Untangled upon the page
Fingers all a fury
The story of love and rage

However for the past 30 minutes
I have stood and sat  back down
Playing with my dogs ball
That leaves me feeling like a clown

If he isn't barking at the crows
Then he was crying about his ball
Where I used the broom
To retrieve his bellowing calls

The crows are busy crowing
And he doesn't like what they say
His ball falls under the stairs
Which he can not retrieve in any way

I have to be at the hospital
In about 30 minutes from now
My hair is a fine mess
Which needs a completel overhaul

I have to give it a wash
and blowdry and style too
and keep this stupid saline lock
from catching any dew!

Meanwhile Mr. Crybaby
barks at the all the birds
I am trying to keep him quiet
as this has turned absurd.

If one was to watch me
The back door open and close
A dog at the top of the steps
that wont come in the house past his nose

He turns and runs away
as you open up the door.
Unless you give him a wonderful treat
or maybe twenty four.

Silence has hit the homefront
AS he has entered upon the home
I hear that he has found something
Oh brother .. It's his most favourite bone.

This involves running,
and dropping it all around
letting it slide across the floor
and other assorted sounds.

Wish me luck upon my adventure
as my time is running thin
No wonder I can't make it to my destinations
I am here, and taking care of HIM!

Imagine waking up to this:

I hate scary dreams ... Well first of all they are scary . ANd second of all ... They are just so annoying to wake up to. I think my brain is quite possibly fried. I am having quite the challenge concentrating. Now I know you are having that little problem of breathing .. So hopefully that will be resolved with some DR-ing assistance and a piece of paper.



You know ... I hate scary sounds .. Like sounds that are similar to daytime sounds .. But you hear them at night. They are just 17 times scarier.



Back to the scary dream ... Ya .. I hate it when you see the scary person from afar ... ANd they know who you are otherwise .. Especially when they see you in the distance .... Even though you are in a group of people .. It's just so singular feeling!!



The little (HUGE O MATIC) 10 month old dog is making little sucking sounds in his sleep ...



This night can be over with now. So can this day. I bet for you the same thing.



I am reaching into my trinket drawer and consuming some of my magic smartie pills. I went to my moms the other day .. And she had a BIG bottle of the easy swallows .. .. She can't take them .. So I inherited them ... I splashed them around the places I frequent ..



Sometimes I like furnace ... The humm just lulls me into closing my eyes ... However now ... When I'm feeling spooked .. It hinders my ability to hear, not including the blinding white light staring me in the face currently and the ringing ears .. I think your ears just ring sometimes because your brain wakes up and says its quiet.



Tracy told me she worked 12 hr shifts this weekend. I feel bad ... Although ... I couldn't be at work ... I'm not smart enough suddenly ( having problems focusing and sitting!)...



I think I'm kinda tired ...  yesterday Completely slept thru rods annoying alarm, the annoying rock 101 morning show ..(and for classic rock they sure play obnoxious music first thing in the morning!) and my alarm ... MISSED IT ALL... And I never even fluttered an eyelash to any of the sounds .... UNLIKE NOW ... When I thought I heard the familiar sound of the creak from the laundry room door at the other end of the house .. Which is why the fact that the furnace keeps running is slightly irritating to me. Oh and his loveliness 's snoring .. I'm talking human.. Not animal .. The furry guy is currently quiet in all forms of his dreaminess!!



When we speak of strange happenings ... Graham and I were killing ourselves laughing yesterday .. With the casual attitude that we have towards a dog walking up to the open fridge, nicely opening the crisper .. And politely selecting a single apple that was sitting by itself outside of a bag, and walking out the backdoor with it .. I shut the crisper and the fridge door .. And we carry on talking ... It wasnt till a few moments later that we realized the hilarity of it ... Sorta similar to snoopy from Charlie Brown.



Well .. Now I'm in the bathroom ... All signs of robbers will have left the homestead by now due to the fact they have been spotted .. And the bathroom light has gone on ... I know this because the silence that amasses me .... Now that the furnace has temporarily silenced itself ... However now it has restarted and the even scarier toilet flush in the night must take place . I've always hated flushing the toilet at night .. The sound is 34 times scarier I'm thinking.


Well .. Now I'm back in bed ... Sir was infiltrating my side .. So I shined this light into his face .. Now holy catnip I would have had a shitfit heart attack if somebody did that to me .. He however took that as a cue to move over. Rather polite for a sleeping person I would guess.


Whatever happened to your heart recording 10,000 that you were hooked up to? Are the scientists still conducting secret lab analysis from the embedded microchips? There is a certain dream theatre theme walking its way they this night time text time ...


I have been wreckless the last number of days ... Ate fries on Friday, and was proud of it , plus a 1/2 piece of the bottom piece of a bun from a chicken burger (I met my friend at BROWNS... Which was ironic because I was supposed to meet Tracy on Wednesday at Browns .. And I had never been there .. Then ended up going on Friday with a different friend .. Mind you it was a different one... .. Consumed bread twice on Saturday .. And then sliced THE TOPS off a cinnamon bun on Saturday and then Sunday ate more bread (ok ... Was my mothers homemade lovely rye bread!) ... I stole graham wafer crumbs from the fridge ..( the min aka the fuss aka julianne ) was saving them to make a cheesecake crust with them .. SCREW THAT ... I ate them with some vanilla yogurt and mint chocolate chips!!! ... Not sure what has come over me .. I quite possibly think its the finality of death. Yes .. It's been ringing thru my head ... My buddy Ian was diagnosed on Jan 23 and died March 1st. He had given up sweets ... ( well he said he never met a cookie he never liked ..) and was working decreasing his weight ... So had lost 30 odd pounds when I last saw him in November .. Little did we know something far more sinister was at work .. Live for the moment sometimes I guess ...


Damn it .. Rod has infiltrated my side again ... I will use my light source to deflect his body ... Didnt work .. Damn it.



My foot is cranking out the waves of pain ... So I am sending fuck off signals back to it .. Quite possibly that is what is currently keeping me awake .. That and the sudden silence in the home... That can be deafening ... Straining to hear nothing that's there.



Because I was off on Saturday .. I went to Ian's memorial service (as a coordinator of a stroke group it's a given fact the eventuAlity of death .. And although I do not habit these events I did feel very compelled to go) .. So did my mom. She and Ian were connected by the very fact they are similar age .. And they both grew up in New West .. And his wife Shirley is very much like my mom ... At any rate the two things happened in my mind .. We had to sit up front (most horrifying walking past hundreds of close family and friends .. Of which none of them we knew .. And then having to watch the almost pugged face pianist brutalize "what a wonderful world " .. And then again spit out "a bridge over troubled water" .. It seems shallow minded that I quickly would choose to call someone pugged face .. Except for the fact that this person is the choir leader at the seniors centre, where their group meets after mine .. And she has quite an air about her ... So over the course of time .. I have come to realize she is like a streAm lined pug .. More like a pug and poodle mixture maybe upon some truer reflection .. Because I'm spoiled I asked graham to learn how to play a bridge over troubled water ... So I could erase my memory of the devoid emotion that went along with the mechanical puggly poodle in her hugely ugly twill suit version of the song. In all of this out of body experience .... I was fascinated by the food ... Ian had planned what was the food that he wanted .. So sandwiches were his thing.. And homemade cookies .. True to form I ate one in his honour .. Not sure if everybody their realized the significance ... Now this is where the people watching skills took over .... They hovered about the food .. It became all about the food .. Like it was a lunch out or something ... It reminded me of those Janet evanovich books where the character always talked about her grama going to people's funerals because it was a social event ... And it gave people a chance to eat out .. And then rave about the food until the next event .. I saw great humour in this the other day .. I am pleased to admit that hysterical forms if laughter did not erupt .. But it made me consider what my wishes would be .. Would there be sushi .. Because graham just told me it was such a NOT messy food to eat ... Oh shit .. That's right .. Him and I went out for sushi saturday evening ... I only wanted the tempura stuff .. Including a tempura'd roll as well ... Anyways .. I'm not really sure how it qualifies as not messy .. But we are talking graham here ... I think he likes the organizational structure on his plate or something ....





Yes back to ms puggly poodle face ... Her hideous garb is similar to the whole post war german style induced fashion .. All around bad ..





Well ... The decision comes now .. Do I copy and paste I to my blog ... Or press send ... Will you anticipate this arrival .. Or be burdened with another long winded highly almost non sensicle story that is stirred from the darkness ... ?





Who knows .. Morning is quickly approaching .. I will need to have a couple of snoring fits myself before I wish to rise .. This will balance out the pain waves that hinder my ability for my sleeping wishes to come true. I am definitely happy the criminal element of the dreams has started to depart from my visual memory .. Enough to know that common sense also comes with the light .. That said its now daylight savings time .. So daylight is still hours away .. Yes .. I see no separation from the trees to the night sky.





I suggested to graham AGAIN he go to law school. He should. He has an amazing brilliance (to some) for words (or sharing his world according to Graham) .. And leaving people in his wake .. Yes .. I should fear that petty thieves are all running amuck in the streets and making back doors creak in the middle of the night due to all the graham like lawyers out there ... the teacher made the mistake of asking graham for his cell phone the other day. NOBODY asks graham to take his phone. That would be similar to asking if they should cut off the oxygen connection to the space station. Alternatively he offered the teacher his shirt .. And then his shoes .. Again she declined ... And wanted his phone .. He said his phone wasnt up for grabs however the offer was on the table for the shirt and the shoes unless she could show him written documents that it was stated that teachers had the right to confiscate personal property that did not subject herself or fellow students to any form of threat or danger. She said he was being rude. He said he wasn't being rude, in fact he apologized for using his phone, and said he would be under three minutes, and in consideration to the fact that they were not actually being taught by the teacher but watching a movie which he has seen five times (which then he goes on to do a little synopsis of A Beautiful Mind )... He very discretely was using his phone for an urgent matter ( talking to me as i STRESSFULLY WAS TRYING TO BUY BRUNO MARS TICKETS!!! i dont know how those fricken scalpers do it!!) rather than standing up and interrupting the class by walking out... which by the sounds of things she wasnt going to take him up on his offer for his shirt ... Or his shoes, and since they couldn't come to an agreement as to which article she wanted .. He was asked to leave .. So he did .. To make matters laughable ... It's a psychology class. Shit ... I better send this ... Otherwise .... This will become your bedtime story ... Hmmm .. I've got the tireds ... I have to get up soon!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The above was a singular text .... sent ... started off late into the hours of the night .. in things that rattle thru the brain but must travel at slower speeds due to the incompetency of the keyboard typist !! Lord help my good friend who drifts thru reading it ... careful my steadfast readers ... this could be you !!

Welcome March

Your welcome.

In a biggie bigge baddie sort of way.

I welcomed January.

I welcomed February.

Now it's March's turn .. hopefully it will be happy with my welcoming thoughts.

Clearly January and February were a bust!

BLAH !!!

In things that keep me awake at night:

The BOYS from the band asked for their drummer to leave.

WTF.

5 cutie cute boys ... have it all going on ... making music .. creating music... playing music ... all in love with their craft ..... or not?

again .. WTF?

Do these boys realize what they have done .. ? Asking the drummer to part. And part he did .. just stood up and left .. no questions .. they shook hands, he wished them good luck .. and hoped to see them on top of the world some day.

So sad.

The drummer is an absolutely cutie .... a real girl pleaser he is so cute. Just marketing value alone these guys are all cute together ... and the drummer .. quite possibly could be the cutest. BUT the idiots don't realize that. Apparently he is very very hard to deal with in band practice .. which makes it hard to move forward when you are song writing and working to move the band forward.

IN SECRET... I am hoping that somehow between superson and the drummer something can be settled ... perhaps a mediator between them ... they are young .. and do not have much common sense .. and no manager.

That screams dumb dumb dumb on all levels.

In other things fantastical and beautiful ... well .. immediately my princess doll should come to mind for all you big and loyal readers ... she realized that she could really draw the other day. So she spent almost the whole weekend .. just drawing .. and finding pictures that she could draw. Actually .... it was a very nice weekend for her and I ... we went off to the mall and out for dinner Friday night ... then Saturday .. I don't remember much ... other than I was buy during the day,... and she went out with friends that night .. and then yesterday her and I ventured to a store where we could buy a night table and bedroom stuff ... and we did ... except we couldn't get the bed .. which she desperately wants to badly. Her current 130 year old bed frame will be used else where ... like in the garden ... wrought iron can handle that right?

I think I might love March ...it just brings so much hope and revival into our dreary world of grey that finds itself hovering this (most days) beautiful landscape of ours !