I need to rethink this invitation thing

I had my lovely dustless friend come over today. "What was I thinking?" I ask to myself... (at the time & many hours later). I have decided that you can not be obsessive compulsive, and have people over, it just doesn't work. Here are the reasons why:

It all started with the fact that it is Tuesday, and I do not wash my hair on Tuesdays. I can not figure out for the life of me why I do not wash my hair on Tuesdays... but a fact is a fact. It just doesn't happen. Tuesday is just not the day to wash my hair. And that's it. So that's one issue. Then with my not washed hair, I was about to set off with the chicklets to walk them to school.. which I had been telling them, and telling them that we would be doing... because it was beautiful and sunny out... When we step outside to begin our RUN to school, our neighbour pulls in, and I continue nattering that 'WE ARE WALKING' ... the chicklets just look at me, smile, and get inside the neighbours car, off they go, and I am left standing in my driveway with unknowingly dirty hair, and an extra half an hour on my hands. This will not be good... I think to myself. See, it's the Tuesday morning issue, and I always find that I need to do other things than what I should be doing on Tuesday mornings. (These details just keep getting more bizarre, but do not fear, it gets worse). This morning would have been a good time to start CLEANING the dusty home, for my wonderful and dustless friend. But no, instead I retreat to the piano bench where I find it totally justifiable to start digging through the piano music that I have not eyed in many months, and couldn't play that many months ago, and certainly could not play this morning. Although I had great fun tinkering with the many sounds on my digital piano, once again, with the lovely guest arriving on the doorstep in a short period of time, one would think that I could be doing something to dust the place up. The problem with my dusty home is that it faces south east.... which means that the sun finds it's way through the windows, and all the shiny surfaces that the sun hits, just don't seem so shiney, because all I can see is dust. Of course this only happens when you take the time to look at the shiney surfaces, unlike myself, where I was sat facing the wall, playing the piano mindlessly. Eventually I had heard enough of myself playing the piano, and then turned on the stereo to listen to real music. It was at this time that I noticed my life in real time, and hissed a OH CHRIST... it's 10:30... my lovely dustless friend will be here in an hour, and I am still swamped with dust, rolling dog hair balls, laundry, dishes, finger printed french doors and messy bathrooms. I was set to frenzy mode... everything had to be done all at once, and in a dust sucking fashion. I then set to making our bed, and cranking up our 20 year old air ecologizer to HIGH in our bedroom. Yes, this will definitely impact the lovely dustless guest, a HIGHLY air ecologized and tidy room that she will never see. A remarkable use of precious minutes, I impress myself greatly sometimes. But as I speedily worked away I was most thrilled with my stat-like cleaning abilities. I did manage to clean the things that needed to be cleaned, which also included two loads of laundry, some walls and shelves washed, and a couple rounds of watering the plants. Life came to a crashing halt when it came to mind that I should put out something to eat. Afterall, I had been here all morning doing things, and accomplishing nothing... I was now definitely hungry. Even the store bought heart cookies couldn't cure my thoughts of being a nice dustless hostess. Of course, this is when horror struck. I immediately retraced my steps on thinking why it was that I thought I had food in this house... surely I should have something... I did manage to spend $300.00 last week at the big box store... but then I also realized that I had bought scrapbooking albums, and a carpet, and laundry soap... which is not something that I was interested in snacking on. DAMN! I had to think fast, well, at least I had cheese. I had lots of cheese... only because I bought cheese twice last week, not remembering that I had bought it the first time around. It's too bad that I didn't have much to go with that cheese. I went to the cupboard to pull out the fresh box of crackers that the husbandman had just bought the night before. I was horrified to notice that I was able to set out about 8 crackers, and the rest were broken. OK not good. This is OK, I thought.... so we will have a big plate of cheese... surely my lovely dustless friend will be too polite to say anything. I moved onto making the coffee next, because after all, this is the only reason she was coming over for. I was frightened by what I saw, or more like, what I didn't see. I had just bought coffee last week, or maybe it was the week before last...anyways.. I just thought I had coffee, which I kind of did, in a HALF CUP FULL sort of way. Except that the vacuum sealed package had been opened. SHREAK! SHREAK! SHREAK! I had to come up with coffee.... NOW. I looked beyond the vile opened package and saw a lonely well loved bag of columbian. It smelled lovely. I had to think quickly, at this point, no move was a right move.. I closed my eyes and quickly added two packages of coffee together (there nothing happened!).... which gave me a full pot. Lucky me, I was back on track. Then I reached into the fridge to pull out the cream. HOLY SHIT NO! I looked at the date on the cream. It expired on February 11. I couldn't believe this. So, me being the warm and inviting now dustless hostess taped a note to my front door. "L., B rite back D"... and then added 1130 on the note, just so she knew that I decided not to up and leave, when she was more or less set to arrive. Lucky for me, she would never have known about the note..... had I not told her... I made it back before she did. OK, one thing going right. Then, I had a bit of a brainwave. I decided to make sandwhiches, but since I had already set out two tons of cheese on a plate.. I didn't quite know what to do next. I spied in my cupboard for something.. and found some salmon. Once again, luck was with me.. except it wasn't sockeye, it was a pink, and I don't really like pink salmon, it's mushy, and I was in a bit of a pickle.... but you don't really notice when you add some hot dog relish to it. OK, I know, I know.. hot dog relish sounds bad, when you are adding it to salmon... but really, it is very good. You just have to trust me on this one. I eventually heard a little knock on my front door where I yelled 'come in', but my lovely dustless friend (and her sweetpea daughter) couldn't hear me because the music was cranked. Well, actually I had just turned it down, but generally I keep it up, to keep the jehovahs away. I kid you not. AND.. in more unbelievable things.. I have a number of friends who are jehovahs just in case the inquiring minds need to know.... including one that comes to see me regularly at my front door, where I stand and keep her chatting for a huge amount of time, then instead of heading to the neighbours front door, jumps in her vehicle and speeds off down the street back to her real life. Anyways, the long and short of it... my lovely dustless friend, her sweetpea daughter and myself had a lovely visit. She even supplied the banana bread, which was quite quite tasty.. and I will not even begin to speak about my loaf I made once upon a time, the one and only time she ever came to visit. For some fairly odd and unexplainable reason my loaf failed, as in failed because it was still raw inside. Once again being the fairly strange hostess, I served the outer edges... because the cooked part of the loaf was really quite tasty. I could not have history repeat itself on that one. So when I started thinking that I was going to bake something before she showed up today... I forced myself into playing some bad music instead. So there you have it... an invitation into my dustfilled matchbox home.

In case there are added thoughts or comments... I just wanted to let the human public know that once upon a time I did plan, and organize a wedding reception for myself, and the husbandman for 170 people... and I find it highly odd that I can not orchestrate a simple coffee visit.