Almost the end of a decade.

Close call and all.

Schlepping in ... pretty much in the 19th hour ... just to say... HEY I MADE IT!!

I can’t even do a recap of the year, as that would take a shit ton of concentration, and this aging Wilba-Lou is almost out of memory juice!

I think it snowed in January, and the gluten girl and I went to a gluten fair. And sushi on Granville. When I USED to eat sushi, but I will get to that.

February, was (AND STILL IS) the shortest month ... SUPER SUPER SUPER big month for the WildBoy and the band ... they made it onto CTV ... did it take them anywhere ... not as “the people” promised ... THAT SAID ... what a truly wonderful journey, and not everyone can say they have made it to television, let alone to be picked out of 30,000 applications to be on a show. For me, I putted along at my irregular pace.

March.... that was the month the Sir and the boy dismantled trees from our trees. They chucked baseballs into the branches and then strong armed them to the ground. I have videos, hopefully I do not accidently delete them.

April. It was spring .. The Sir’s mom up and died on the 27th. Sad, almost shocking, but peaceful, in reality, not really a bad way to go. She left her house full of over 80 years of treasures, which we were now in charge of getting rid of. Bless her, in a way an atheist would wish to be blessed.

May .... I decided I was just simply too large, and had to shed some weight .. so I embarked on doing “keto” ... whatever that meant, but a change of tides was starting to happen. I completed my Diploma in Rehabilition & Disability Management at SFU. Wow, go me.

June ... I think I am losing weight!
July.... I think I am losing weight!


..... and then we will have to fast forward all the way to August when again I made my way to Port Alberni to see the wildboy. I went with my long time forever friend ... she claimed she did not recognize me in the parking lot. I will believe her .. since she wears glasses and all!

September I got a manicure after 28 1/2 years... after a day of gardening while not wearing gloves.

October we high-tailed it to Cannon Beach, it was a beautiful time. Our plans ran askew when the Sir got nervous about trying to visit with our dog, and my friends dog. I was super disappointed. So we made alternate plans, and in the end, it actually was for the better.  At the end of October I hosted an 80th birthday party for my mom ... it was a surprise .. and she was surprised .. gotta admit .. pretty happy over that event!

November sped along, and I managed to excitedly shed pounds and actually take beastly boy for a walk for the first time since having the leg re-assembled into a fake one. Him and I went eagle watching... it was beautiful. I became a “trainer” for amputee volunteers.

December is almost out the door, but not before I have set up my new tri-pod, taken photos, sent the girl to Disneyland, and have almost managed to lose 50 pounds. Oh, and I still do not have a new job!

I am once again hopeful and grateful for the good people, and good things that come to my family, friends and myself. May this next decade bring continued fulfillment in each persons lives.

Peace be with you.

What will this day bring?

Here is Bo Bo ... otherwise known by his real name Angus. Oh my gawd, what a dawg!

It’s only been a year and a half since I visited. Pardon my absence... it is good to know that life has existed beyond this screen.

I have done a zillion things, and nothing all at the same time. Which I think might be a good thing.

Everybody is older, wiser, smarter, crazier, accomplished, growing, funnier and changed.

The beautiful princess sort of lives here, she has a nesting place with her lovely shy boyfriend. The lovely young fellow completely still lives here, and he has a beautiful princess that visits often. The husbandman is still entrenched with building his tiny kingdom to new heights. This year he will be tackling another fence, and continuing to behave like Professor Potts aliken to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. He is willing to go on vacation again this year .. back to Canon Beach I believe. Absolutely no complaints from me ... I pretty much love it down there.

BoBo, pictured above is the light of everyone’s lives with his BoBo antics and mischievous ways, and never ending need for attention, but not too much attention, along with wanting to play ball with the theory of “no take, only throw” approach, he still remains difficult to play with. BUT CHEEZUZ he is cute !!!

I have embarked upon another life changing event. I returned to the land of on-going education, and will complete a Rehab & Disability Management Diploma in 2 months time. Of course then, I am hopeful to make a transition into another occupation before I decide to stop working completely, and then live freely with my 10 thousand hobbies that I have acquired over my life.

I laugh at my complete missing a whole year on this blog, I think even at my worst I still managed a half hearted hello to the great folks out there in the blog-o-sphere.

There have been some great strides mind you ...

The girl is well into her second year at college. From there she will move onto SFU. She stopped iting her nails, and there is hope that she will stop pulling out her hair. She has a completely amazing view on life, and is actually very dynamic in her thinking, and should be a role model to young people struggling with life forces, and the power to overcome
The boy and his band made it onto a “big” {???} TV show that afforded them some air time on national TV, although when it hit the airwaves, it wasn’t like listening to them at all, so THAT was disappointing. All the same, he did get a chance to meet Bryan Adams, and given that they had recorded in Bryan Adams studio, that was pretty impressive I would say.

HAPPY November 26th.

This time next month we will be stuffed to the brim with the christmas craziness, and winding down on the years events whilst sucking back baked left overs, and wine.  Or maybe that's just me.  It has been a great many months since I have visited this place, and as per usual, I can't seem to get into my blog. I can get into an old blog, one that doesn't really exist on line .. but it's there all the same. So now I have this weird editor gadgety device, and I get into my blog this way. Go me. Go figure! Since my time being here, I have started working again. Yes, true true true ... I am a worker bee once again. Sort of happy, but then not happy about it. That said .... I will preface ANYTHING I write with a "thankful statement" .. which I am thankful for my new little job. I really am. HOWEVER; it is a clerical position, which will lead to absolutely nowhere, and given that I work in a union environment, I am left to the disadvantage of not being able to make more money, until the employer with it's heels dug into the ground ascends to the unions threats and demands. That is usually how it goes. The other side of this is something on a more personal note, one that "eats" at me. One that I am too sensitive about, and shouldn't be. It's the stigma. The assumption that I am a nobody in this world that has never evolved herself enough to move beyond working as a clerk.  It's been an interesting adventure so far, the people that work in the office are lovely. All with their own missions, and work details. Then there's the outer perimeter of people that flounce through, and will not regard you with all their youth & assimilated importance. It's not really a big problem, as time will catch up with them as well, so it's best that I just sit back for that movie to unfold. Again, it's something that niggles away at you. So I just work away silently ... as the important ones attend to their meetings and bypass the lesser folks. I am totally grateful for the fellow I work with. He is hilarious and equally mindblowingly intelligent. My bet is he will run the hospital one day. His business practice and vision will improve our healthcare delivery at a phenomenal rate. Somebody give him the million bucks now. He's going to win at this.  In the meantime, I have learned a couple of things along the way. If I am at a stumbling black what do I do .. ? Well the answer that I have learned is "improve your position" ... so I have decided to do just that. In October I will embark in 8 months of courses, which will lead me away from my current position, to a better paying position, and one with the opportunity to grow. Because it's important to grow when one should otherwise be winding down from their working life, no?  But what about my painting ... couldn't I just paint my pictures, and sell my pieces at the local artisan market & craft fairs? Again, improving my position on that one, including improving my painting skills would be an asset. I have watched my friend leave her job in life, and become this makeshift artist, which she is .. sort of, but her creativity isn't going deep enough. One day she will look at her projects and think to herself .. WHAT THE FRUITBARS was I thinking ..  Not that her work isn't creative. My thing is .. her projects are not creative enough. What I am seeing from her artwork is quantity, not quality. So says me, the absolutely art critic if there ever was one. I am hoping once she slows down and really looks, she will see the same thing. What can one say .... but let her live the process.  My leg is pretty much hurting me badly today. I'm not even sure why. I made a pit stop at the drive thru earlier today, and bought a cup of tea, and soup, and ate it in my car, before I adventured to the next grocery store for shopping treasures ... typically I do not have to do that any longer, as the leg has much more stamina, but not today SATAN .. not today. I do not make a habit of taking off the liner this early into the day .. but I can't get it to settle down, so the best thing I can do, is remove the leg, and the liner, and just let it sit. Silly leg, does it not know how much it really impacts my life not being able to waltz around this earth doing as I please??? Earlier today, just as I was leaving the grocery store I saw a woman who for years I secretly admired who go go go attitude, she was always just busy doing things... I used to see her in a hair salon when I used to take my boy for haircuts ... and I saw her today ... she was sitting in a lightweight wheelchair, and I thought, oh maybe time has caught up with her, or she had broken her foot ... but no, her leg was missing. NOT THIS LITTLE BUSY BEE lady ... I felt so truly sad for her .. very truly sad. I hope she too regains her mobility, I value mine, despite my constant painful struggle. It's just an uphill climb ... all the time, but you get used to it.  Happy November 26. 

Don't fear folks ...

Everyday you wake up, behold there is something more to come.

Today I am reeling with the million dollar effect ...no, I do not "technically" have a million dollars in my pocket ... but I am feeling like it !

That's how quickly your life can change

THe return to work people are apprehensively waiting for the shoe to drop, so far this is all about the stars aligning ...and they have aligned just right for me.

Wow.

When you are smacked in the face with more odd reality.

I got a phone call this time last month, from the case manager handling my disability claim.

She said as of August 31st I was no longer disabled. I was very pleased to hear that. I can't wait for the 31st to roll around, and for me to pop out of bed, jump up, and carry on like I did over 5 years ago.

Oh wait, that's not going to happen.

Unless that whole spinach turning into a new heart muscle (true story) is going to happen with building a whole new leg, I do believe that on August 31st I will wake up, and still be disabled. Much to everyone's sadness, mine included. Well, sad that I know it isn't going to happen, not that I miss my leg, because I don't.

What I miss is being able to move... efficiently & effectively. I can move, sort of the same as an 89 year old. This was something I wasn't really expecting. Especially two years out of the gate.

As I type, I am not even wearing my leg, due to a tiny little ulcer that is wreaking havoc on the "medial epicondyle" (which is the location kinda right next to your knee on the femur) .. but that is the location of the where your bone is round on the end .. and now that this leg is skin and bone, it's rubbing kind of awful.

Anyways .. I am returning to work at the beginning of September (I believe). I must wonder how many prosthetists know people that return to work two years later, and do not have a proper leg yet, that works.

There is that slight oversight in the disability claim people. I mobilize with my leg, not in a wheelchair, but that is what they claim. I can work in a wheelchair, so therefore I can work.

Thanks guys ... love ya. Not.

My current level of function is this. Well, today I am "supposed" to be hopping with my walker. Although that is freaking brutal, so I have come to know, after hopping for a year, fuck. I walk with a cane, with my eyes cast downward. I can not walk and talk and concentrate on a task. If people brush past me, I immediately have a gumby like reflex that my free hand flies up, and I am locked into a stiff position, or somehow we could say I am having my own personal game of freeze tag. I walk next to walls, so people can't brush past me, I stop cold turkey if I have someone who approaches me from the front that isn't looking. I can't carry an object and maneuver through obstacles. I definitely can not go up or down stairs without severe concentration. I move as fast as somebody who is in their late 80's.

Who would have thought losing your leg, would have given you all sorts of hidden ripple effects in this.

Well ... it is off to work I go ... who do sue when you fall over? Asking for a friend. 

March is a Larch .. so far

Happy March 1st.

Today I can barely walk.

Yesterday was going down hill.

But I somehow still managed.

Today so far, every step is on the excrutiatory side of normal.

It takes 10 steps to even get me to be able to set this foot down, until it feels barely OK.

I fear calling the Lego-Man's office ... for a couple of reasons ... ONE .. he is not there, he is in Brazil. TWO ... I think he has someone on back-up, except I cringe at that thought considering that my very own Lego-Man has had quite a time figuring this out. And now he knows me, IF I go in ... the back-up person might destroy what little part of this socket that I have any comfort left.

I think my leg suddenly changed since last week, hence all this horrible-ness. The only way to describe this is to take your hand, place it on your other hand, over top of your blood vessels and tendons, then press down REALLY HARD, like put all your body weight into it, and rub it back and forth. It's a pleasant feeling no .. ? Your hand starts to ache, and your fingers tingle ... and all kinds of sensations start shooting along your hand ... no wonder this leg feels so shitty ...

Sigh.

I might need to traverse with the walker while this gets sorted out ... he's back on Tuesday .. SIX more days ... can I tough this out ... ? I'm not really sure ...

Another sigh.

And I only have a single leg to deal with ... there are some that have to deal with both legs missing, so I have it good ... I have it very good in fact.

Spirit me this ....

I went to spirit church the other night. I was not expecting anything, apparently I was glowing, with spirits. I think it had more to do with my bright pink polar fleece jacket with my very light grey/silver vest to go with it. I wasn't going to argue the fact, since I was spirit church and all.

The spirit church leader that night did point out an interesting piece, to which I have been greatly thinking about not just today, but in the weeks that have now since passed. One comment was the glowing feature, well cool, then she said I was working hard, but going in two different directions, and yet either direction wasn't necessarily the wrong direction .. and then she said to keep writing. OK, so here I am writing ... however; as much as I have thought about writing, I have been thinking lots about drawing. So I also grabbed a little TINY sketch pad, and have been drawing some random tidbits of objects & images that come to mind.

I was inspired a bit mind you, as I saw on good ole' Facebook that there was an autistic man that could draw landscapes from memory, like YUGE landscapes .... I immediately was drawn to his images as they were not by any means perfect, but what they did do was get your eye to see, and your brain just fills in the missing details.

So I picked up my little notebook and have started just filling it up, and to boot, I am using a crappy pencil. I think I will find a sharpener eventually, or even matter so, go and find the drawing pencils that I know I have around here ...

In other things far less exciting ... I am sorta getting a bit tired of this whole leg not working thing I have to deal with. Everyday I wake up and it's a balancing act as to what I wish I can do, what I can potentially do, and what I can actually do. That said, I can manage a great amount, until I can't do anything, any longer. It's sorta on the "obnoxious" side.... my lovely Lego-Man says I just love that word. And when referring to my leg any longer, the word just sorta fits... unlike the leg. He is on vacation right now. I very much think that vacations are obnoxious, especially when I am NOT the person on the vacation, and specifically when the person that you want to see is the vacationer. Next week I will go see him, I am certain that I will be perfectly pissed at how this leg is treating me by then, as if I am not already at odds with it at the moment.

All the above nattering aside, I am grateful and thankful for the continuous attempts that this guy has tried to master for me. This hasn't been easy, this hasn't been straightforward, and this road has long yet been traveled. AS always, I recognize this is only a single leg I am missing, and despite being sometimes temporarily enraged, I send good intentions to the universe to have this swing positively in my direction.

If I am talking with the spirits .. then hopefully my gang of followers will see to it that this comes to fruition.

Wow....

So am currently sorta terrified ... of many things...

World order. (No LIE!)
A bug with long antennae that I found on my dresser (NO LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

How in the holiest of ickball evil doings did a bug end up on my dresser .. ? HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW??

It completely bombastardly took me out of my ability to drift into sleep .. all I could see was this bug drifting about ... I couldn't catch it, it slipped beneath the neatly stacked bunch of magazines ... and that was the last I saw of it. Complete and sheer violence on a first world problem level of horror.

WHERE did the little bastard go??

So yesterday ... I got out the vacuum ..  and vacuumed forever ... in the bedroom.

The issue isn't completely the bug .. but HOW the bug got on the dresser .. I want to know NOW!! I feel like Veruca Sault when I squeal like this.

In other worldly events .. holy chitballs... the unfolding events of our neighbours next door, and the impact on the rest of the human population is pretty unbelievable at this point ... I wonder how long this trumpleton will stay in power ... with this amount of delusion ... some semblance of sanity will have to be given back to the peoples to our south. Wow ... am feeling pretty sad for the majority that were outplayed by the simpletons ... and thus .. the twitter feeds are my next new BFF's.

In other gargantuan tasks .. have started the building of a new leg today ... this should be interesting .. considering that I had some steroid pumped into me on Friday ... and HOPEFULLY that will settle down the beastly cyst that has developed inside this little leg .. PHASE 433 in leg building ...

I went for a walk up and down the street today ...  just for some fresh air .. and that way I moved a little ... I totally remind myself of a wobbly little drunk lady .. I am wondering when that vision is gong to melt away .. tomorrow I resume gym activities .. recumbent bike here I come ... along with treadmills, stairsteppers, and weight lifting fitness apparatus ... this "BINCH" is doing the workout !!

WOW. 

OH, it's slightly nothing ...

My eyeball is kind of swilling about being red ... but I think, it's slightly nothing.

I might have a secondary autoimmune disorder ... but I think it's slightly nothing.

I had some bloodwork drawn the other day, it was sorta our of whack .... but I have a feeling it's slightly nothing.

I went to the gym for so couple of hours prior to the bloodwork .... which upon reading about the bloodwork it stated to not exercise prior ... so I think it's slightly nothing.

My socket still isn't fitting me right ... but I think that THEY think it's slightly nothing.

I'm not sure if I am doing damage to this leg/hip while out cruising around... perhaps it's slightly nothing.

I got a RAISE in my disability payment ... $80, no wait ... it's a $70 ..which is slightly better than nothing!

I am meeting a group of friends for lunch today ... now that is cooler than doing nothing !!

Ranting up a storm

So the rains have hit this Wild West Coast ... good thing .. cause I can rant about that as well.

I am not completely sure how I got this blog back up and operational, but for this moment I have managed. It wasn't exactly very easy either ... there isn't a step by step process what to do, or exactly how to go about retrieving your blog off the internets or the App Store, since it no longer exists in the App Store ... and yet there is another hidden entitity of some form that makes you believe you are using your blog. .... ANYWAYS ....

Before the storm .. I had a friend of mine ask me if I wanted to travel with her down to the great Americas for a day ... and a night ... and another part of a day ... I said sure !! I am the perfect co-pilot ... give me coffee, and a breakfast sandwich, and scenery and this "binch" is good to go. (That's the handsomesons GF's word for Bitch") ... but now I have stolen it ... we will not be telling her.

Back to my adventures ... somehow "Starbucks" messed up my highly confusing order of "dark roast with some cream" ... I do not know what the hell I was slurping on .. but yes folks, this binch eventually gave up drinking it .. I never did figure out what it was ... I think it was freaking steamed milk or something ... but it was vile. If it had been steamed milk with some sort of coffee bean or sorts plunked into it, I would have continued to slurp away, but there was NO SLURPIDGE to be had. I just couldn't. What a coffee binch I have turned into ... ha!

So I never got to go Pike Place Market, we drove past. I wished I could have gone, but probably good I didn't... my BINCH of a leg would not have taken me that far. Double sigh.

We did cruise along where the "crab pot" restaurants were .... but there were so many restaurants .. and I only liked the one with the pretty neon sign !!

We went to a couple different restaurants... a breakfast diner, a place called "chinooks" where it was the tasty fish tacos that I dined on, and then I instructed by friend on how to eat the bread ... 'only eat the top part with the melted butter!!' .... most de-lish ... then the next day we went to the Olive Garden ... what a dining experience that was ... however now .. I am going to prepare eggplant parmasean ... that was elegant beyond experience!

I was most fortunate to meet my friends 87 year old aunt, where two short weeks before was on deaths door ... sepsis ... from a bladder infection ... so ya .. that's right folks ... those stubborn parents and grandparents you have rolling around ... life isn't about winning when you almost die all aone .... she has moved into rehab, and more than likely a lovely carehome where she can still have all her freedoms, and yet have meals delivered, and people surrounding her ... and valet parking when her friends and family visit ... that's the way to age well ... it was most lovely to meet this lady ... as she happily sipped on her starbucks latte and munched on her coffee cake ... this lady is absolutely not ready to leave this earth yet ...

In other adventures of uselessness ... I had and ultrasound done on my leg yesterday ... which ... was a waste of time .. because the Dr. Had ordered it back in August ... well a shit ton has changed since August ... and the reason for doing the ultrasound NOW is different ... at any rate ... no answers, other than there is fluid at the end of the residual limb and who knows what else ..  so now hopefully we can move on with getting this leg to fit right. GAWD!!

I went to the gym yesterday ... cruised along on the treadmill, and then rode the bike ... I didn't do it with any HUGE gusto .. but non the less did it ... tomorrow I will return. I will lift weights, and trudge on the treadmill, and do the stair stepper more than likely ... I have to somehow work off my January fudge festival!!!

Not much ranting ... but did manage to do a small sum of things today .... laundry, knitting, watching "Schitt's Creek" .. (It's a MUST WATCH all you Netflix folks!), drove over to the recycle place ... well first had to load all the recycle stuff .. which was an effort in it's own right ... carrying boxes of glass down a ramp ... BIG times for this one legged BINCH ... rant out !!

Freaking Friday the 13th.

Seriously.

I am really starting to DESPISE this whole blogger thing. I BELIEVE I have gotten down to the bottom as to WHY I haven't been able to write much .. it's more than likely because I couldn't. Oh trust me ... I tried ... but was met with the app simply shutting down, and not a save point in sight. 

So I am tired of the constant bull shit that has to go on. Simple stuff like this, doesn't work. Somehow I have found a way into this blog, but it doesnt look like my blog. It's a wall of white .. not a pretty backsplash of pink and orange swirls. I would say they match my curls, but as I get OLDER my curls are becoming less and less. Hot damn.

So this is about as frustrating as the whole walking fiasco is turning into. And it's a fiasco. EVERY corner I turn is a hurry up and wait procedure ... EVERY corner I say people. I am waiting on a system that is in no hurry to accommodate you, a very nice rehab doctor that has a case load of 500 people so the second you are out of his face, you are long since forgotten, then you have a leg guy that isn't going to make a single change until you see the rehab dr, which is like winning the lottery if you can get in to see him within a 3 month period of time. I have now been unofficially "let go" from rehab ... which is slightly problematic since learning to walk all by yourself with a whole new socket is pretty darn annoying. The whole process is turning out to be pretty fucking annoying actually. 

The truth.

One would not think that learning to walk would NOT be this fucking annoying... but it is. I have a leg that is pretty impossible to fit, I have a mind that is driven to keep propelling forward, and yet I am going stopped up by the process. I barely get a LEG UP on the situation, then the LEG UP changes a slight bit, and I am back to square one trying to figure things out .. in the meantime the waiting process of these slight adjustments are hugely annoying. 

EVERYBODY is .. "oh it just takes time" .. well that's very SPECIAL to be told "it take's time" ..... how about we trade this very instant and the conversation of "taking time" would freakingly stop this second. I will gladly exchange the useless visits and trips to see people that are busily waiting on the next person to make their move in this chess game. 

This is going on FIVE years. FIVE freaking (FUCKING) years. I have lost TWO jobs, never got to say good bye to people, have lost a ton of work acquaintances, lost a HUGE amount of income, and I am now answerable to a disability company where every move I make is scrutinized. Currently they are assessing my case YET AGAIN. The long and short answer is ... I can't walk people. I can't walk like I used to walk, I can't stand up and go like I used to go, I can't move like I used to move. EVERYTHING is an effort. An effort three-four times harder than once upon a time. But assess away ... hopefully they might come up with a better way to learn how to walk ... because ON PAPER this should not be taking this long ...  

All that aside ... I am eager to move on, I am eager to walk like a typical person again, I am eager to adventure forward with my new parts and pieces, I am eager to be a new state of me, I am eager to continue building my gardens, and rummaging around taking my pictures, and eagerly dreaming of adventures that await me .. I am eager, eager, eager ... however all this eagerness translates into frustration when the steps leading to forward motion is a methodology in chess play. 

And that is how freaking Friday the 13th this is all looking !!! 

Seriously AUGUST !!!

Good Morning to the people of the Internet lands that fill my blogger feed with great stories and good laughs.

You have missed me, I can tell.

I can officially say .. I have been busy. Busy walking about, or bumbling along, given the time of day or the amount of flower watering I have managed through out the day.

Life is cruising along a predicted and steady path. I am gaining strength and speed, and losing gadgets along the way. I am "sort-of" down to using a cane, rather than a walker to motor about. That's a crazy amount of confidence to trust that your brain can think and react on two different playing fields. ALL.THE.TIME.

That's an accomplishment.

I have been able to "kind-of" adapt to walking and maneuvering on the lawn. Wow, what a treat ... Sort of .. Basically it means that I can get to my flower beds, but given the time of day, I can't do it when I am bordering on exhaustion .. It is VERY VERY hard ... Attending to two completely separate tasks, and doing them to completion is monumental!

Currently around these parts the heat has been hitting us a little on the hard side .. So I have to go it slow ... The leg doesn't exactly like being cooped up in a liner that does not permit any type of breathing space ... And embarking on any type of endurance or exercise or even movement (see above paragraph!) sparks a flurry of perspiration ... So pretty much all my movement is slowed considerably.

The other night I was out walking around the block with the four wheeled walker, a cane, and walking poles .. The husband says to me .. "Uhm .. If you didn't have so many gadgets with you, you might be able to walk a little faster .. !" ... I was trying out all the walking apparatus to see what was the easiest method of movement. I am still as slow as a snail. The Lego Man said to me that I was working at a disadvantage. Perhaps. My brain sees this as a huge advantage .. From here, it can only get better.

So my "government issued leg" will be slowly replaced by the $14,000.00 leg, if the insurance companies agree to it. I hope they do. It will improve my mobility & extend my ability to conquer lifes agenda ... Although I will not be able to get a hidden compartment for lipstick, or a USB port, or even Bluetooth ... But, it will give me the ability to freely move about ... With greater ease.

I went to the gym the other day to ride the upright bike at the community Center. They only had one upright bike. I didn't want to ride a recumbent ... The gym attendant helped me get on the bike, and even strapped my foot to the peddle, so it would stay on. I did mention that I would need help to get the foot un strapped, since I couldn't even reach it. No problem she said. After 15 minutes of riding, I saw her pluck upon a cupboard, reach for her purse, and yell over to some gym folks .. Alright people, I'm leaving, she said. WTF. There I was ...stuck to the upright bike with my right leg ...  The first and last time I go to the community Center gym.

I spent July 31st having an awesome day ... as much as I tried not to think of the monumental time that had passed since last year, the same day I had the leg departed ... I spent THIS July 31st with two of the boys friends, and the boy, and the girl in the back yard ... It was simply an awesome day ... One that makes me feel just so thankful that I am alive, and over the hurdles of the past four years. Big deal, at this time, I am currently learning how to walk, and virtually re-do life ... But THIS I can do !!

TODAY I am debating what is on my agenda ... So far I have missed walking at the tack, it is too hot to go now .. I want to garden, but that will lead to a hot and unhappy leg ... And yet .. I wish to NOT be stuck inside ... Which is why I do not wish to keep painting my picture that sits at the other end of this table .. So something of greatness will have to come my way .. I am thinking I am going to go for a car ride to the Americas .. I am going to bring my camera and take pictures .. I think that is what I am going to do ..

Off to find my passport .. Later my favourites !!!!

Treadmill trekking!!!

Today !!! I walked on a treadmill .... The first time in over 4 years that I walked at a pace that didn't involve a limp, or in agonizing pain.

Yes, and in the process the treadmill said I burned 9 calories ... NINE WHOLE CALORIES!!!

The physio claims that I burned a whole lot more ... She said that people that are working harder at working burn more calories than the regular folk.

The best thing is I WALKED!!!! It was lovely and beautiful and simply enjoyable to keep plodding in a forward direction ...

The nice thing is she recognized that I was able to walk faster, and with a longer stride, and when that happened ... The walking became much more patterned and second natured ... But then the treadmill can have that effect on someone ...

So today I trekked on the treadmill, but in my mind, I might as well have finished a marathon!

Seriously for REAL !

I have a leg home with me ... All weekend long .. I have a leg ... !!!

Yes, the dream of dreams has finally happened .. And I was able to bring my leg home on Friday, with the strict instructions I could wear it off and on for 3-4 times a day, a half hour at a time.

Friday I gardened (well, I chopped fallen branches, does that account for "gardening!"). I did eventually put the leg on, and bumbled about .. Me and my walker ..

Yesterday, I visited the sister, and her newly acquired "golden retriever" = "heart melter" for hours, which to me there was no purpose in wearing the leg, since it involved, on and off, and moving and stepping, and a whole lot of thinking about how to get the leg inside as it was pouring. Eventually upon my return, I had to do dishes, and then wash my hair, so I donned the leg for all that great excitement .. And then we went out, so that was it for yesterday.

Today ... Being just nine a.m. I am yet to put it on, and "I believe" the weather gods have cleared the schedule of rain showers and an over abundance of clouds, so that it will clear up, and I can resume my yard duties ... So the leg will certainly not be in fair use at that point either.

And to think, ... The physio was terrified that I was going to overuse my leg.... Currently my activities consist of things that it is simply easier to move about legless.

Go figure.  

June filled days

Wow. What a year.

This time last year, all things bad were coming to a head. Well, the volcano had already started erupting a number of months prior, however; at this point last year the writing was already on the wall.

Cancer was busily trying to take me down ... And it became evident that the cure measures had turned drastic. The long days from June, all the way to the very end of July were excruciating. A year later, and I am happy to let that horrific memory fade into oblivion.

Fast forward to this week. I was "promised" I could bring my prosthetic home LAST week, like the week before last. That didn't happen. I was probably slightly disappointed ... Given what I had gone through I said to myself ... Good gawd ... Did I shed a tear when I had to have my leg amputated ... Uhm no ... I certainly wasn't going to shed a tear when I couldn't have a leg when it was "slightly" promised to me ... And even at that ... I wasn't really allowed to do more than simply wear it while "sitting" ... So I wasn't that far ahead.

So this week coming up .. June 15th actually I think I am going to be "allowed" to have this leg "at home" with me ... So this is very exciting news .. Way more exciting than the abysmal news that I had  lived with this time last year.

Just to be clear ... Walking is hard .... It's very hard !! I am not complaining, nor whining, just an observation.

This leg continues to be a bit of a make work project ... I have a kneecap that is way out of kilter, I have to put on my leg that is not the normal way of putting it on, the muscles in the leg are developed in a different way than my left leg, numbness overcomes the leg when it stands in a dependent position, and the fact that it turns ice cold at the base of the leg. So, it has it's challenges, which makes the natural walking stride not so natural feeling. I think this is definitely all something that will definitely happen in time & familiarity, with more "wear" time.

In things full of comedy ... I got an X-ray yesterday .. Of this limb .. (To figure out what this leg is up to ... So the physio, Doc & LegoMan can sort things out ... They have determined they haven't ever encountered something like "this" leg, not sure how this is, but that's how it is) ... Anyways ... Because I actually "had" the leg on, the X-ray techs moved the wheelchair, and then the walker, and then said to me .. "Oh, just go over here" ... I had to say to them 3-4-5 separate times ... "So I know I have two legs  .. But I can't actually walk .. " Which is kinda funny to me .. Not sure how !

So happy to be here, on this June filled day. 

This guy ... Forever smiling .... He's just a character to the tenth degree !!

And this months love affair ... Brought to you by Rice Krispies, bananas, almond milk & chocolate syrup !!!

A reason to write:

I just got back from rehab a while ago.

How free, lovely and boring of me ... I drive over to rehab, pull on a leg, and walk back and forth on a long wooden board with handrails ...

HOW IS THAT for cool and boring!!?!

Last week I had a little breakdown into tears .. Taking those first steps after many LONG months of enduring the process of hopping, and before that, the exhaustingly horrific months of constant mind numbing pain and fear that this horrible cancer was searching out another hiding spot in my body.

TODAY ... I said to the physio lady ... This feels like I am walking in my running shoe, except it's my leg ...

HOW BEAUTIFUL is THAT????

I have been avoiding this little space .. So much has happened .. And I am free to be... And that I am. I can't believe that I haven't taken the time to capture the shear excitement of my first steps ... But then again ... It isn't so awesome, everybody walks - more or less ... I knew eventually this is the space I would find myself in ... Which I am HUGELY grateful for ...

Yesterday I grimaced .. And the  physio lady asked if I was in pain ... "No, not at all", I said ... " I am just trying to concentrate" .... The reason being ... I am visiting the rehab department .. Where the majority of the folks are recovering from Strokes, and at my time, I am the only one minus a limb. All I could think about was ... "Deanna, when is it going to be your chance to start back again ... " All I could think about were the possibilities that were within reach of my own personal successes, as long as I kept walking... I was grimacing as I continued to take my steps because I was telling myself to stay focused in the "here and now" ... Stop looking to the future ... It will happen, as it happens... But I am so happy and thankful and anxious to further my journey ... And my journey with belonging to the stroke community ... And I just want to be back, making a difference, if that is what I am doing when I am there ...

I did find a reason to come here today ... I always wonder about the difference that I might to people in the world, and I feel that it is never enough ... At least not right now ... So I found myself hunting about on Facebook as a lunchtime distraction ... And I found this guy:

https://colontosemicolon.com/

https://www.gofundme.com/canadianbucketlist


TALK about making a difference, talk about changing people's lives, talk about a purpose, talk about the evils and ravages that cancer has on individuals and their families ... THIS guys single idea will make such a difference to people in their journey's .... I very much feel it is a worthwhile cause ... I felt a little inspired to come here today and whisper a couple of humour words ... Thanks to this stranger.

Under 30 crowd

Yes peeps, this is the truth ... You are the crowd, and I am under the 30 day mark of NOT writing on this little whiteboard of mine.

Much has happened, as it was supposed to ...

I finally had a revision of my little more than half healed incision line. FINALLY.  NOW, it is just a bit of time before this leg heals up. FFS FINALLY. That's all I can say.

The BOY played with his band. I missed it. BUT I got to see it on video. Ever more better I say !!

GUESS WHO can finally drive their car?? BIG HINT: Not my daughter!

Yes folks, I finally was able to sit my crooked behind into the DRIVER'S seat of my car .. What an experience ... I drove down the street kinda squealing..... Sorta lots actually ... And I drove around and around and around ... In circles ... Like my crescent is .. Well, it's more the shape of a super long track ... But all the same .. There I drove ... Around and around. An hour later ... I drove the girl someplace... Of course!

Then, I got adventuresome .. And drove down to the bear location. And just sat, breathing the moment of almost accomplishment mixed with freedom ... Finally the moment had arrived where I was starting to get my life back ...

The very next day .. I went off to the gardening place .. And purchased flowers ... Little by little things are happening.

Then, the next day ... Larger adventures ... I drove to Harrsison Hot Springs. Myself and the girl. She made me do it ... That's when I realized ... This is good, I can drive ... MY left foot just over. The first day out I was in silence in the car .. The continuous .. "Gas left, Brake right" .. Playing through my brain .. Then the next day .. I used some quieter music .. And then the next day I had the girlie girl talking at me, and we were playing music ... Every once in a while.. I thought in my head .. "Gas left, brake right"....

Yesterday in all things grand .. I was wildly wild .. Just wild ... About being stifled for so freaking long .. I was most upset with my back triangle yard ... Morning Glory has come in and taken over the last number of years, and I haven't been able to get a hold of it ... (Well, a hold of stemming it's tide of flourishing wreckidness !!) ... And I was tired of raking, fighting with my walker, and playing with the dog who insisted on dropping his toy in my way with every move ... And plunking out morning glory .. I just hate that shit .. Who invented SEEDS for it ... !!! ... So I eventually threw my walker ... Who knew that walkers could fly that far ... Sigh ... So then I sat there .. Thinking to myself .. SHIT ... Cheesus that walker went airborne .. How the fucking fruitballs did that happen ... ??? So eventually I sorta crab walked to fetch the freaking thing .. That is when the husband man saw me ... And helped me retrieve it .. Although I didn't ask him to .. Since the walker was "over there" because of me ... Good thing all things "dog" had been picked up .. And I had just raked the area free of debris AND I had gloves on ... There're are some good things to throwing your walker ... 

If I could only...

Make it to the fast lane I would.

Well, two weeks worth of waiting .. And this is what I have accomplished ...

After speaking with Road Safety BC I was informed that it would take an andditional FOUR months to process my application post driving assessment. Four FUCKING months, yes you read that right. After the first 4 1/2 FUCKING months it took for the bastards to "assess" the driver license status in the first place.

I received a letter on February 19th (that had been dated Feb 5), that stated that they had funded me for a driving assessment, as long as it was completed 60 days within the original date of the letter.  Cool, thank you VERY MUCH, that's only $1200.00 dollars saved! ... But of course ....  Kabang, the little tiny problem of the little tiny wound ... That needed a VAC. The VAC was on and off again in 5 days, which helped the hurry up and heal already by months upon months. After it had been removed, I called the driving assessment location, and arranged for the first available appointment ... March 16th ... Phew ... Under the 60 day mark, however 6 weeks past the original letter dated Feb 5.

March 16th arrives with much fanfare and memories ... A massive windstorm, traffic delays, & power outages ... Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME  .... The OT indicated to me that she would send the assessment out the following week, on Monday orTuesday .. (My brain silently exploded as to WHY she couldn't just send it out the following day ... ), with people comes PAPERwork ...

I called the driving assessment place this past Friday. I was informed that the paperwork was not processed to Road Safety BC only this past week ... (A FULL week after what the OT had stated). Not a big deal right ...... You are so FUCKING wrong ... !!!! GET this ... It takes 7-10 working days for the assessments to even be processed as "received" ... Which means that they attach it to your file. That means exactly that ... They have only "received" it, not that they are processing it. So a week, delay is a really really really BIG deal ... As the applications are processed in the order to which they are received ... So delaying the "sending of the file" has a huge impact ... Especially being on the receiving end of all this.

Hence my gasping for breath on the phone the other day when I was now told it would be approximately four months before I could even see the light of the day with seeing my drivers license  amended.

Are you fucking fucking fucking fucking for real ??? I SCREAMED in my brain ... However; shockingly amazingly miraculously I remain composed and polite and widely kind after been on the receiving end of that blow. The person on the other end of the phone told me that I was the nicest person she had spoke to on the phone the whole day ... It was 3:25 in the afternoon ....

So on that end, it renewed my hatred for the human population behaving insanely cruel to people just trying to do their jobs, I have even a more impassioned hatred for the government and their underfunding of departments where people like me are caught up in a process of paperwork. HUGE HATRED !!!! But I guess you would not have gotten that from this "lightly" written assignment of formuated words ...

How does one recover from this .... YOU FUCKING REFRAME YOUR THINKING.

Currently I am missing my right leg .... IF I were to have waited until I got my "right" leg back to drive with ... Well, then I am still many months away from "walking" on this new leg, let alone driving with it ... And THAT'S how you reframe a MAJOR time shift .... I will drive once my new leg is restored, it is now just THAT simple.

That's the MANTRA ..... If I could only .... Make it to the fast lane ... I would simply say it faster !

In other things .....the game changer might have occurred ... That master musician son of mine might have probably made the best move of his life ... Booked a flight to Toronto ... Playing at Canada Music Week, quit his job .. 

Undertakings 101

And here we have it... Some stuff, or undertakings as you will:

The face clothes in my home keep disappearing ... I haven't quite figured out to what level of hell they find themselves in ... But alas I have taken it upon myself to recreate what I have, and yet has gone missing. Currently am in love with the cast on stitch, as it will match the cast off stitch ... My little complaint about knitting ... Thank you Pinterest for all your smartness !!

This is the gazillion worth of hours of 'the tam' that I built for my mom. It was a delightful weight upon her head ... Just enough to cover her hair, and yet not too heavy to proclaim ... "Bad hair day, look out!" I am most pleased with how it turned out ... I will be re-doing this pattern in turquoise .. For ME ! I was quite fortunate to have a season of house of cards to watch while knitting ... I'm hoping I could get so lucky on my next attempt!

In other things ... In larger under takings that might lead me to moving more than all the sitting that is happening from the above .... I saw the surgeon. I will hope that all her prodding the leg will not incense the living shit out of it .. As that happened to me in January ... The Rehab Doc upset the little wound and it lead to a breakdown in it's happy state ... Which has set me back to this ... So now, after the surgeon has touched it .. I will HOPE that the little tiny spot has had time to KNIT itself back together, and will not mind all the pushing and shoving that she instilled upon it yesterday. It has TWO weeks to sort itself out. I think it will ... It has to, otherwise the alternative is going to set me back months, on top of the months that this has set me back .. Except .. Who's counting ... ??

The boy in the non-band MIGHT have something in the works ... A trip back to Toronto. On an airplane... Hopefully THIS might lead them SOMEWHERE.

Now, onto MORE undertakings ... 

Settling the dust plumes

A number of days later, and I have re-appeared.

One would have thought that my return to driving seems to have unsettled the whole freaking universe. There were definite signs that "Mother Nature" was trying to one up me, this past Thursday. She and her universe of parading elements of weather forces did an excellent job of trying to keep me from my 0900 appointment.

Fortunately for the wonderful insight, and the middle aged mind & lack of sleep induced friend she left her home VERY EARLY in the morning to ensure that my arrival time for my "assessment" would not be interrupted by Mother Nature. And it wasn't.

The assessment itself wasn't very taxing, with of course the exception that I forgot that one needs draw lines from smaller numbers to larger numbers, to connect the dots. I won't go into detail, but the impact of the insult into how mortally wounded I felt in one short minute is rather life impacting. One that sorts through moments of their life, and resorts, and resorts again for  good measure doesn't do well with this kind of information rattling on and on and on in their brain. .... THIS person had to say enough ... It was a less than a MINUTE in my life ... I need to stop thinking about this. And done.

In other things that have been interesting .. For a number of months I have ALSO been rattling through my brain ... Gas LEFT, brake RIGHT ... NON STOP. (This is where the O.C.D. Thing does come in handy !) ... And visualizing moving my foot from the gas on the LEFT, to brake on the RIGHT.

I got to drive a little car ... And drive I did !! I was a very smooth operator! After not driving for close to a year ... I managed to what I thought was absolutely reasonable..... I never slammed the brakes or mixed up my peddles ... I just cruised about .. And eventually made my way to way busier streets, and was able to drive the two folks in the car back to the business park. I did stop half way, and the O.T. Said that at that point it was generally determined whether one was fit to drive, and it was up to me if I wished to drive back to the business park. I gave it a moment's thought actually. Had I had enough for the day? Would stopping the driving at that point give the O.T. Reason to conclude that I didn't have the confidence to drive, or would this show that I was over confident in my thinking, and willing to take risks that I otherwise shouldn't. One does not know what an assessor is going to interpret. I chose to carry on, as I sort of considered this the moment of sliding off a horse ... It was important to get back up on this horse, and just continue on riding ... My ability to be successful was not hindered by the "opposite" way of thinking, or the fact that I was in a smaller car, driving in an unfamiliar location, or taking direction and instruction from somebody else, or the fact that someone was in the back watching every move I made, good or bad .. Like stopping over the the stop line, a beautiful habit of 34 years of driving  ! I was able to curb that .. But probably not quickly enough.

Previously ... I was fortunate when I sat behind the little "make shift" driving apparatus ... tears welled up into my eyes .. And just said "this has just taken so long" .. I can't believe today has finally arrived, and I am here ... It is true, the time had whittled away into months upon months, and process after process, and hoops after hoops .. And amidst the momentary burst of tears that trickled from my eyes, I apologized saying that I wasn't sure if it would happen in the office, or in the car .. but at any rate ... They are really tears of rejoicing that I although I am still down a leg, I am making steps forward ..  And there I sat on a wickedly blustery violent weather filled day, looking out a window, and sitting at a driving apparatus ... That was my moment looking out to the world, where freedom of confinement would be a thing of the past!

In things that were very great in my life that day ... I had my hilarious friend with me .... Where I can definitely thank "The Universe" for her and mine paths to cross ... Only 40 short years ago. OMFG .. Holy shit .. !!!! How the dust flies ... And just when I got the plumes settled !